major dh vent. Re: parenting

This is a long one I warn you.

So for starters I had posted I was going to do CIO my dh somewhat agreed but since my neighbors were away and he was going to be at a softball two nights and working late one night over the next three nights I said let me try it now. (Sorry for those of you who already know the story just catching everyone up?)
Anyway last night I do CIO it was hard but in 30 minutes she was passed out. My heart was breaking during the screaming but I stayed strong.
Now at midnight my DH is on the computer and she wakes up. The bedrooms are very close together so i see him on the computer now granted I was talking in my sleep basically I said ‘are you going to get her or what?” he yells back i thought we were doing CIO? So now I wake up and I said oh yeah sorry was half asleep. He mumbles something. So now I wait a few minutes I said ok go in and check on her and try to soothe her. He goes in and she quiets down. He comes out and says she is on all fours and she is trying stand up im afraid she is gong to get out of the crib.Umm well were YOU suppose to lower the mattress like 2 weeks ago? So now I feel horrible that she is going to get out ( she is a strong one let me tell you) so I go in I try to soothe her i end up picking her up she goes back till 5 like usual all is fine. So I tell him we need to decide if we are going to stick with this or not. He tells me NO you are OCD about her sleeping through the night. She has been a great sleeper since birth she is just having rough patch. So already I am the bad guy and I can see this is going to be the way it is. She has him wrapped around her finger and he talks all big and bad but he is big mush when it comes to her. So he is working late tonight so I am thinking I will do CIO again and then if she wakes at 12 he will probably still not be home and ill do it at midnight as well and take it from there. Why does he have to be so difficult??


Ok second vent…. So this morning I get up as usual and get her bottle so he can feed her, the guy doesn’t even have to get out of bed. Then I am getting myself ready. Cleaning up the mess he left in the living room when he came home and snacked last night after his game and just getting ready to go. I said can you bring her in her and get her jacket on? He comes marching in the living room and he attempts to put her jacket on. Now I always lay her down to put it on. He decided to have her in his lap and she is squirming all over the place so I am saying just lay her down. Now she is screaming because her poor fingers are getting caught and he is soooooooooooo stubborn and wouldn’t listen to me. So now I have to calm her down before I can take her out. So I am talking to her but I will admit it was so DH could hear. I saying its ok daddy’s is just stubborn blah blah blah.. Yes it was wrong immature whatever but I did it. So now he sys something to me and she starts crying again after she was almost calmed down I said to him joking... “She is crying BC you are mean to her mommy”. He said well ill tell her what I tell you I don’t give a f uck! OMG is that necessary? Seriously. So I said back to him well im starting not to give a f uck about you either and stormed out! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


This is my thing I feel like he criticizes everything I do or any decision I make about the baby whether it be CIO who we are using for a sitter, what she eats when she eats what she wears (shorts or pants today was another argument) Its ridiculous and honestly I know everyone is going to say talk to him but he is impossible. I feel like his answer is always I don’t know I am new at this too but yet he doesn’t want to make any decision and leaves it up to me but then turns around and says why did you do this or that!!!!!!!

I dont mean to do a poor me act BC I know there are plenty of women who work and im sure you feel the same way but this is my day. I get her and I ready in teh mornign as I said he doesn’t get out of bed unless I ask him to bring in her inside to get her jacket on. Then I take her and pick her up from the sitters. I teach and yes I am out by 315 but I have to be ON all-day long for these kids I cant relax if I wanted to. Anyway then wehn i get home its all about getting myself showered and hair done ( who has time in the morning with a baby) then getting her bathed and then fed then straightening up usually a wash of some sort or dusting or vacuuming. Granted he cooks but that it. He doesn’t clean up after cooking and you know what not to sound ungrateful bc many women would love if their dh cooked he makes SUCH a mess that its not even worth him cooking that I have to clean up anyway.


I hope this doesn’t get moved to relationship board I know it’s related to our relationship but all focused around the baby so pleas keep it here.

Message edited 5/9/2007 8:04:04 AM.

Re: major dh vent. Re: parenting

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. DH & I have been fighting ALOT lately too.

Re: major dh vent. Re: parenting

thanks. it suxs doesnt it. its like we are just on two different pages some days!

Re: major dh vent. Re: parenting

It's really hard, I know. I would probably let him win some small battles like pants vs. shorts so he feels more confident and maybe willing to comprimise if he feels like he has a say in some stuff. Well I have a different problem in that DH always asks ME what to do like I am the know all child expert. And when I stress over something he is not so great with advice just kind of stares at me like a deer in headlights bc he doens't know what to do either. And then he tells me don't stick the q-tip too far into his ear. Really? Thank Goodness you mentioned that to me I had been cleaning the wax out of his brain for months now.
Sorry mini-vent of my own I guess. DH also doesn't even have to get out of bed, he will if I tell him to but then he asks me what to do for DS anyway and I'm like (on the inside) Just freaking figure it out like I do!!!
Ugh I wish I had advice but I totally know where you're coming from!!

Re: major dh vent. Re: parenting

Posted by LInative

And then he tells me don't stick the q-tip too far into his ear. Really? Thank Goodness you mentioned that to me I had been cleaning the wax out of his brain for months now.

:

OMG...I seriouslly just laughed out loud at this comment.

Message edited 5/9/2007 10:02:55 AM.

Re: major dh vent. Re: parenting

I totally understand where you're coming from. ....I have given up including my husband on mornings. You're better off if you get her ready the night before, lay out her clothes and get the routine under WITHOUT him. Sometimes they screw up everything!

Most times I'm the one man show and yes its frustrating but I find that when I put him in the mix, it just makes it THAT much work on ME!!!

It gets better!

Re: major dh vent. Re: parenting

thanks girls. i try to do that i pick out her clothes and mine too. i shower at night so all i have to do is wash my face use the bathroom, brush my hair, get dressed etc....

I just cant stand the fact that i have to clean up after him. if i dont do it he wont he is a a big slob. i dont understand you have to walk past the garbage can when you walk to the bedroom pick it up and throw the ice cream wqrapper and can of soda away!!!!!!!!!!!!

H says i am a neat freak and ocd but you knwo what i dont have te leisure of just being able to clean up constantly i have a baby to take care of and clean up her mes. i have one baby not two although sometimes i feel like i have two!

Re: major dh vent. Re: parenting

I know what you're saying. I also found its also in the way you approach them. Men are definitely a different species. Women multi-task and men can only do one thing! It's amazing.