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Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
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..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
Posted by blu6385
Posted by jlm2008
Posted by MsSissy
Posted by blu6385
Posted by chilltocam
Posted by blu6385
I can't afford to lose my job we would not be able to pay bills but for I would not just give into any kind of sex to keep my job. Yes even if it meant not being able to provide for my family. They had a choice and the chose that and to wait years and years to come out how you really didn't want to do it doesn't sit right with me. Esp. When they are women that do these things to purposely advance their career when they don't need the money.
Again though if this was done against their will they were actually forced to do it that's whole other thing.
Not trying to be snarky here, but if your boss or someone in a position of power sexually harassed you at work and you feared getting fired and having your kids be forced to live on the streets or in a homeless shelter, you would walk away from your job? That is an actual reality for some people. I think most (or at least many) women would "deal with" whatever they had to, to make sure they could keep a roof over their kids heads and keep food on the table. I think it's very easy to say "not me" if you are not in that position But if you faced that reality, you might react very differently than when it's just a hypothetical situation that you don't have to actually deal with
yes I would. I wouldn't go quietly but yes I would. I will stand up for myself. I will look for a job and take what I can get. But I sure hell will not accept being sexually harassed, give into sex just to keep my job. I will however create a scene when its happening going to my HR and making the biggest deal even if I am going to get fired.
This particular case we are talking what 2014 when this happened and they wait 3 years to say there were harassed because they were afraid of being fired. With all the social media out there and tons of outlets I can't get behind someone saying the did something out of will but only because they didn't want to get fired. Waited 3 years and then decided oh let me come out and say this.
Do I think actions being taking are wrong. No.
Again if any of this was against anyone's will then I have no issues. My issue is with anyone willing to do it but then claiming they only didn't because the didn't want to get fired.
Let's hope you never have to be faced with making such a decision.
Because just taking what you can get doesn't always pay the bills. Including student loans you may have for the job you love that you had to leave because your boss was too valuable to the company. But you were nothing to them.
ITA. What you quoted was written by someone who has never had to live in the real world.
are you talking about me not having to live in the real world. If so I have no idea what that means. Nothing in my life was handed to me. I have already stated that I could never afford to lose my job but that still won't stop me from sleeping with someone to keep it!! Sorry yes I rather be living on the streets then sleep with someone to keep my job. That's reality nothing will change my mind on that. I would feel bad for my children and I would do everything I can to prevent it but I would not just sleep with someone!!
I get what you are saying. Because that is pretty much prostitution no?
Sleeping with someone for money.
Some people do have to resort to prostitution to feed their families. But I am sure not many of us would consider it.
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Posted 12/1/17 2:33 PM  |
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SecretlyTTC14
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
Posted by FirstMate
This is not a black and white situation. You can stand on your soap box and preach about personal morals but until you are actually in that position, where you are faced with your integrity v. losing everything that is important to you and your career, you have no idea what you would do.
Exactly. Predators choose the most vulnerable of victims. If you're saying you wouldn't compromise your morals, you've probably never even been close to losing everything.
Anyone saying they would live in a homeless shelter with their kids before allowing their boss to get away with sexual harassment just doesn't have any sort of idea what actually goes on in the real world. Sexual assault in homeless shelters is rampant. Not only would you be putting yourself in danger, but your kids also. Most women, when actually faced with a decision between keeping their job and living on the streets, will do whatever they have to, to keep their job.
There's some irony for you though. People victim blaming saying it would never happen to them because they would "create a scene".
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| Posted 12/1/17 3:23 PM |
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tray831
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Member since 3/06 5355 total posts
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His Baby
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by blu6385
Posted by jlm2008
Posted by MsSissy
Posted by blu6385
Posted by chilltocam
Posted by blu6385
I can't afford to lose my job we would not be able to pay bills but for I would not just give into any kind of sex to keep my job. Yes even if it meant not being able to provide for my family. They had a choice and the chose that and to wait years and years to come out how you really didn't want to do it doesn't sit right with me. Esp. When they are women that do these things to purposely advance their career when they don't need the money.
Again though if this was done against their will they were actually forced to do it that's whole other thing.
Not trying to be snarky here, but if your boss or someone in a position of power sexually harassed you at work and you feared getting fired and having your kids be forced to live on the streets or in a homeless shelter, you would walk away from your job? That is an actual reality for some people. I think most (or at least many) women would "deal with" whatever they had to, to make sure they could keep a roof over their kids heads and keep food on the table. I think it's very easy to say "not me" if you are not in that position But if you faced that reality, you might react very differently than when it's just a hypothetical situation that you don't have to actually deal with
yes I would. I wouldn't go quietly but yes I would. I will stand up for myself. I will look for a job and take what I can get. But I sure hell will not accept being sexually harassed, give into sex just to keep my job. I will however create a scene when its happening going to my HR and making the biggest deal even if I am going to get fired.
This particular case we are talking what 2014 when this happened and they wait 3 years to say there were harassed because they were afraid of being fired. With all the social media out there and tons of outlets I can't get behind someone saying the did something out of will but only because they didn't want to get fired. Waited 3 years and then decided oh let me come out and say this.
Do I think actions being taking are wrong. No.
Again if any of this was against anyone's will then I have no issues. My issue is with anyone willing to do it but then claiming they only didn't because the didn't want to get fired.
Let's hope you never have to be faced with making such a decision.
Because just taking what you can get doesn't always pay the bills. Including student loans you may have for the job you love that you had to leave because your boss was too valuable to the company. But you were nothing to them.
ITA. What you quoted was written by someone who has never had to live in the real world.
are you talking about me not having to live in the real world. If so I have no idea what that means. Nothing in my life was handed to me. I have already stated that I could never afford to lose my job but that still won't stop me from sleeping with someone to keep it!! Sorry yes I rather be living on the streets then sleep with someone to keep my job. That's reality nothing will change my mind on that. I would feel bad for my children and I would do everything I can to prevent it but I would not just sleep with someone!!
I get what you are saying. Because that is pretty much prostitution no?
Sleeping with someone for money.
Some people do have to resort to prostitution to feed their families. But I am sure not many of us would consider it.
Yes, that is exactly on the same lines to me. Have sex and make the money that I want = Prostitution. And ending up on the streets and becoming homeless is to the utmost EXTREME. I am quite sure any of these positions; if done so, wouldn't end up in a homeless shelter if they felt that strongly what they "should" be doing just didnt feel right; nor worth it.
It's funny how there are such opposite opinions on a subject like this. Interesting, actually. Yet, if the opinion doesn't seem like the "norm"; its seems to be a soapbox.
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| Posted 12/1/17 3:35 PM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
Posted by tray831
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by blu6385
Posted by jlm2008
Posted by MsSissy
Posted by blu6385
Posted by chilltocam
Posted by blu6385
I can't afford to lose my job we would not be able to pay bills but for I would not just give into any kind of sex to keep my job. Yes even if it meant not being able to provide for my family. They had a choice and the chose that and to wait years and years to come out how you really didn't want to do it doesn't sit right with me. Esp. When they are women that do these things to purposely advance their career when they don't need the money.
Again though if this was done against their will they were actually forced to do it that's whole other thing.
Not trying to be snarky here, but if your boss or someone in a position of power sexually harassed you at work and you feared getting fired and having your kids be forced to live on the streets or in a homeless shelter, you would walk away from your job? That is an actual reality for some people. I think most (or at least many) women would "deal with" whatever they had to, to make sure they could keep a roof over their kids heads and keep food on the table. I think it's very easy to say "not me" if you are not in that position But if you faced that reality, you might react very differently than when it's just a hypothetical situation that you don't have to actually deal with
yes I would. I wouldn't go quietly but yes I would. I will stand up for myself. I will look for a job and take what I can get. But I sure hell will not accept being sexually harassed, give into sex just to keep my job. I will however create a scene when its happening going to my HR and making the biggest deal even if I am going to get fired.
This particular case we are talking what 2014 when this happened and they wait 3 years to say there were harassed because they were afraid of being fired. With all the social media out there and tons of outlets I can't get behind someone saying the did something out of will but only because they didn't want to get fired. Waited 3 years and then decided oh let me come out and say this.
Do I think actions being taking are wrong. No.
Again if any of this was against anyone's will then I have no issues. My issue is with anyone willing to do it but then claiming they only didn't because the didn't want to get fired.
Let's hope you never have to be faced with making such a decision.
Because just taking what you can get doesn't always pay the bills. Including student loans you may have for the job you love that you had to leave because your boss was too valuable to the company. But you were nothing to them.
ITA. What you quoted was written by someone who has never had to live in the real world.
are you talking about me not having to live in the real world. If so I have no idea what that means. Nothing in my life was handed to me. I have already stated that I could never afford to lose my job but that still won't stop me from sleeping with someone to keep it!! Sorry yes I rather be living on the streets then sleep with someone to keep my job. That's reality nothing will change my mind on that. I would feel bad for my children and I would do everything I can to prevent it but I would not just sleep with someone!!
I get what you are saying. Because that is pretty much prostitution no?
Sleeping with someone for money.
Some people do have to resort to prostitution to feed their families. But I am sure not many of us would consider it.
Yes, that is exactly on the same lines to me. Have sex and make the money that I want = Prostitution. And ending up on the streets and becoming homeless is to the utmost EXTREME. I am quite sure any of these positions; if done so, wouldn't end up in a homeless shelter if they felt that strongly what they "should" be doing just didnt feel right; nor worth it.
It's funny how there are such opposite opinions on a subject like this. Interesting, actually. Yet, if the opinion doesn't seem like the "norm"; its seems to be a soapbox.
But the thing is, sexual harassment is not always sex. Much more likely to be gropping, lewd comments, etc. Would you put everything you have worked for, your family's well-being etc on the line if sex was not involved? Because I would think that actual sex is not involved in most of these cases. I think most people would put up with quite a bit to protect their families (not to mention the amount of guilt and shame many people feel for being the victim of these harassers)
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| Posted 12/1/17 4:19 PM |
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chilltocam
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 9141 total posts
Name:
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Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
And something else that I didn't mention - in all likelihood, I would imagine these guys don't just go from "0" to a full out sexual assault. I would imagine they build up trust, become a friend and/or mentor, before moving on to harassment. At that point, the woman is probably confused and not sure of how to react. Probably thinks she is overreacting, because he's a "good guy". Feels guilty saying anything because he has helped her in her career - all kinds of ways these guys operate to make it seem like they haven't done anything wrong.
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| Posted 12/1/17 9:13 PM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
I read through everything here and had to add something. I agree with some of what a PP was saying. I was in a situation at my job years ago (when i first moved to LI for a great position in garden city) Not sexual harassment , but physical and psychological harassment - happened a few times. The berating by another departments manager. I’d go right back at him. Went to HR, VP of company , had others in my dept get my back , etc. one night, working way after my shift was over trying to make a deadline, this lunatic comes to my desk and starts screaming, cursing and throwing stuff all over the place. I thought to myself “this guy is gonna grab me and body slam me” - I went Into the owner of the company - fearful and told him I needed help.
His answer? Just get back to your desk and finish with the deadline. There are plenty of people who would love to have your job.
I told him I’d rather live under a bridge with a f$cking cart then work under those conditions. And I walked out.
I was single. Nothing in the bank. Just starting out with a good job, etc. literally scraping by on credit cards until I found a job (which was part time and less than half the $) it took me a good year to get myself back to where I was.
The day I stand for anything less than I deserve is the day they put me in the ground.
After all that ... I agree w some of what PP said. It really does depend on the person. It’s not everyone everywhere. I think women need more empowerment to know their worth and push forward. This is for those who get they had to or else. Not the people who were god forbid forced into something , left their jobs and kept silent.
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| Posted 12/3/17 10:22 AM |
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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
I read through everything here and had to add something. I agree with some of what a PP was saying. I was in a situation at my job years ago (when i first moved to LI for a great position in garden city) Not sexual harassment , but physical and psychological harassment - happened a few times. The berating by another departments manager. I’d go right back at him. Went to HR, VP of company , had others in my dept get my back , etc. one night, working way after my shift was over trying to make a deadline, this lunatic comes to my desk and starts screaming, cursing and throwing stuff all over the place. I thought to myself “this guy is gonna grab me and body slam me” - I went Into the owner of the company - fearful and told him I needed help.
His answer? Just get back to your desk and finish with the deadline. There are plenty of people who would love to have your job.
I told him I’d rather live under a bridge with a f$cking cart then work under those conditions. And I walked out.
I was single. Nothing in the bank. Just starting out with a good job, etc. literally scraping by on credit cards until I found a job (which was part time and less than half the $) it took me a good year to get myself back to where I was.
The day I stand for anything less than I deserve is the day they put me in the ground.
After all that ... I agree w some of what PP said. It really does depend on the person. It’s not everyone everywhere. I think women need more empowerment to know their worth and push forward. This is for those who get they had to or else. Not the people who were god forbid forced into something , left their jobs and kept silent.
You had no one depending on you, though.
I made different choices when I was single with no kids than I would make now.
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| Posted 12/3/17 11:17 AM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
Posted by JennP
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
I read through everything here and had to add something. I agree with some of what a PP was saying. I was in a situation at my job years ago (when i first moved to LI for a great position in garden city) Not sexual harassment , but physical and psychological harassment - happened a few times. The berating by another departments manager. I’d go right back at him. Went to HR, VP of company , had others in my dept get my back , etc. one night, working way after my shift was over trying to make a deadline, this lunatic comes to my desk and starts screaming, cursing and throwing stuff all over the place. I thought to myself “this guy is gonna grab me and body slam me” - I went Into the owner of the company - fearful and told him I needed help.
His answer? Just get back to your desk and finish with the deadline. There are plenty of people who would love to have your job.
I told him I’d rather live under a bridge with a f$cking cart then work under those conditions. And I walked out.
I was single. Nothing in the bank. Just starting out with a good job, etc. literally scraping by on credit cards until I found a job (which was part time and less than half the $) it took me a good year to get myself back to where I was.
The day I stand for anything less than I deserve is the day they put me in the ground.
After all that ... I agree w some of what PP said. It really does depend on the person. It’s not everyone everywhere. I think women need more empowerment to know their worth and push forward. This is for those who get they had to or else. Not the people who were god forbid forced into something , left their jobs and kept silent.
You had no one depending on you, though.
I made different choices when I was single with no kids than I would make now.
I’m not in competition. And not every woman who is harassed are always single mothers. It’s the situation at hand.
Also, I did and still do have people depending on me who I help financially - I was just saying I can see the PPs point in their posts about it depending on the person and what type of situation it is
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| Posted 12/3/17 2:08 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
So glad he is gone. I never liked him anyway!
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| Posted 12/4/17 12:42 AM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
Posted by JennP
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
I read through everything here and had to add something. I agree with some of what a PP was saying. I was in a situation at my job years ago (when i first moved to LI for a great position in garden city) Not sexual harassment , but physical and psychological harassment - happened a few times. The berating by another departments manager. I’d go right back at him. Went to HR, VP of company , had others in my dept get my back , etc. one night, working way after my shift was over trying to make a deadline, this lunatic comes to my desk and starts screaming, cursing and throwing stuff all over the place. I thought to myself “this guy is gonna grab me and body slam me” - I went Into the owner of the company - fearful and told him I needed help.
His answer? Just get back to your desk and finish with the deadline. There are plenty of people who would love to have your job.
I told him I’d rather live under a bridge with a f$cking cart then work under those conditions. And I walked out.
I was single. Nothing in the bank. Just starting out with a good job, etc. literally scraping by on credit cards until I found a job (which was part time and less than half the $) it took me a good year to get myself back to where I was.
The day I stand for anything less than I deserve is the day they put me in the ground.
After all that ... I agree w some of what PP said. It really does depend on the person. It’s not everyone everywhere. I think women need more empowerment to know their worth and push forward. This is for those who get they had to or else. Not the people who were god forbid forced into something , left their jobs and kept silent.
You had no one depending on you, though.
I made different choices when I was single with no kids than I would make now.
I would not make different choices being single vs a married mom. I know my worth and my worth is not to be taken advantage of. And a mom should not be expected to take more BS than a single woman for the sake of her family. I want my child to know that no matter what, they have choices and should never feel stuck or trapped. So I would never set that example for my child.
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| Posted 12/4/17 12:37 PM |
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mrsrainbow
LIF Adult
Member since 1/17 1465 total posts
Name:
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Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
It is absolutely amazing how many women on here know their worth and are resolute in standing up for themselves. Not being snarky at all. But could you maybe show some compassion or empathy for women that don't know their worth, or have obligations that make it so that they fear losing their job/income and put up with harassment?
And Matt Later has always been a pig, so no one should be so surprised.
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| Posted 12/6/17 9:56 AM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
Posted by mrsrainbow
It is absolutely amazing how many women on here know their worth and are resolute in standing up for themselves. Not being snarky at all. But could you maybe show some compassion or empathy for women that don't know their worth, or have obligations that make it so that they fear losing their job/income and put up with harassment?
And Matt Later has always been a pig, so no one should be so surprised.
I don’t think people aren’t having compassion. At least that’s not the case for me. I brought up my point because so many were one upping a PP for her view - which was mine as well. Not every woman is meek. We are strong and should be. Which is also why I said it’s not just about men not being disgusting assholes in the workplace isn’t the only answer. The other answer is teaching girls to know their worth. Empowering them from when they are little. Fathers teaching them by example how a woman should be treated by how he treats their mother. If it’s a single mother, showing your child your strength is the best lesson of all.
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| Posted 12/6/17 10:15 AM |
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SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1770 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
Posted by mrsrainbow
It is absolutely amazing how many women on here know their worth and are resolute in standing up for themselves. Not being snarky at all. But could you maybe show some compassion or empathy for women that don't know their worth, or have obligations that make it so that they fear losing their job/income and put up with harassment?
And Matt Later has always been a pig, so no one should be so surprised.
I don’t think people aren’t having compassion. At least that’s not the case for me. I brought up my point because so many were one upping a PP for her view - which was mine as well. Not every woman is meek. We are strong and should be. Which is also why I said it’s not just about men not being disgusting assholes in the workplace isn’t the only answer. The other answer is teaching girls to know their worth. Empowering them from when they are little. Fathers teaching them by example how a woman should be treated by how he treats their mother. If it’s a single mother, showing your child your strength is the best lesson of all.
Here's the thing, we are talking about how things ARE not how they SHOULD BE. Obviously we all know that woman should be raised to know their value. That is not reality for a lot of women though. Yeah, there are many answers that could help in the future, but that doesn't mean the women coming out presently are lying. Just because they didn't report it right away (or just because they put up with it too long), it doesn't mean they deserved it.
We are lucky enough to live in an area where we can call the police on our significant others if they lay a hand on us, and the police will take our word for it. Many women in small towns throughout the South and Midwest do not. Even with the laws we have, Long Island has a huge domestic violence problem. I'm talking about women of all ages, even girls in their early teens. This is an ongoing problem and not a thing of the past. Domestic violence will still be a huge problem for generations to come because of the cycle of violence. There are so many women that don't report and the ones that do fear they will end up dead. I've seen it first hand from volunteering for DV charities. It's also it on the news around here all the time.
So although a lot of women were raised with the privileges that empowered them to know their worth, that is not the case for everyone and certainly not an excuse to victim blame or doubt their experiences.
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| Posted 12/6/17 10:44 AM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
Posted by SecretlyTTC14
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
Posted by mrsrainbow
It is absolutely amazing how many women on here know their worth and are resolute in standing up for themselves. Not being snarky at all. But could you maybe show some compassion or empathy for women that don't know their worth, or have obligations that make it so that they fear losing their job/income and put up with harassment?
And Matt Later has always been a pig, so no one should be so surprised.
I don’t think people aren’t having compassion. At least that’s not the case for me. I brought up my point because so many were one upping a PP for her view - which was mine as well. Not every woman is meek. We are strong and should be. Which is also why I said it’s not just about men not being disgusting assholes in the workplace isn’t the only answer. The other answer is teaching girls to know their worth. Empowering them from when they are little. Fathers teaching them by example how a woman should be treated by how he treats their mother. If it’s a single mother, showing your child your strength is the best lesson of all.
Here's the thing, we are talking about how things ARE not how they SHOULD BE. Obviously we all know that woman should be raised to know their value. That is not reality for a lot of women though. Yeah, there are many answers that could help in the future, but that doesn't mean the women coming out presently are lying. Just because they didn't report it right away (or just because they put up with it too long), it doesn't mean they deserved it.
We are lucky enough to live in an area where we can call the police on our significant others if they lay a hand on us, and the police will take our word for it. Many women in small towns throughout the South and Midwest do not. Even with the laws we have, Long Island has a huge domestic violence problem. I'm talking about women of all ages, even girls in their early teens. This is an ongoing problem and not a thing of the past. Domestic violence will still be a huge problem for generations to come because of the cycle of violence. There are so many women that don't report and the ones that do fear they will end up dead. I've seen it first hand from volunteering for DV charities. It's also it on the news around here all the time.
So although a lot of women were raised with the privileges that empowered them to know their worth, that is not the case for everyone and certainly not an excuse to victim blame or doubt their experiences.
Understood. I firmly believe in trying to find a solution to a problem and not just dwelling on the problem - KWIM?
I also am sensitive to anyone using the word privilege in this instance. How is it a privilege to be raised by someone who teaches you your worth? If you decide to bring a child into the world, it’s your JOB to teach them about being a decent human and everything that goes with it. That’s the job of people who choose to raise children. Be it parents, guardians, whoever. Yes - there are circumstances in which a child lives in foster it’s entire life, or other examples or hardship. Which is where it goes back to what I said ... it’s all about empowerment from day one. Whoever it comes from. It’s also not just about raising girls to know their worth. It’s about raising boys to be decent and respectful. Not an easy job but it comes with the territory or choosing to parent.
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| Posted 12/6/17 10:57 AM |
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jamnmore
LIF Adult
Member since 6/16 989 total posts
Name:
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
Posted by SecretlyTTC14
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
Posted by mrsrainbow
It is absolutely amazing how many women on here know their worth and are resolute in standing up for themselves. Not being snarky at all. But could you maybe show some compassion or empathy for women that don't know their worth, or have obligations that make it so that they fear losing their job/income and put up with harassment?
And Matt Later has always been a pig, so no one should be so surprised.
I don’t think people aren’t having compassion. At least that’s not the case for me. I brought up my point because so many were one upping a PP for her view - which was mine as well. Not every woman is meek. We are strong and should be. Which is also why I said it’s not just about men not being disgusting assholes in the workplace isn’t the only answer. The other answer is teaching girls to know their worth. Empowering them from when they are little. Fathers teaching them by example how a woman should be treated by how he treats their mother. If it’s a single mother, showing your child your strength is the best lesson of all.
Here's the thing, we are talking about how things ARE not how they SHOULD BE. Obviously we all know that woman should be raised to know their value. That is not reality for a lot of women though. Yeah, there are many answers that could help in the future, but that doesn't mean the women coming out presently are lying. Just because they didn't report it right away (or just because they put up with it too long), it doesn't mean they deserved it.
We are lucky enough to live in an area where we can call the police on our significant others if they lay a hand on us, and the police will take our word for it. Many women in small towns throughout the South and Midwest do not. Even with the laws we have, Long Island has a huge domestic violence problem. I'm talking about women of all ages, even girls in their early teens. This is an ongoing problem and not a thing of the past. Domestic violence will still be a huge problem for generations to come because of the cycle of violence. There are so many women that don't report and the ones that do fear they will end up dead. I've seen it first hand from volunteering for DV charities. It's also it on the news around here all the time.
So although a lot of women were raised with the privileges that empowered them to know their worth, that is not the case for everyone and certainly not an excuse to victim blame or doubt their experiences.
It is a privilege to be raised to know what you are worth and that you deserve better?
For the record, I come from divorced parents with an absent father and an alcoholic mother. My step father was physically and emotionally abusive. My 1st live in BF was physically and emotionally abusive, he almost killed me. I was overweight and had zero self confidence for the bulk of my life. In the past 15 years I have managed to move past all of that. I lost weight and worked on my self esteem and confidence. But even when I was at my darkest, I always knew I did not deserve to be treated the way I was being treated. And today I have severe trust issues. Most people think I am a stuck up B$#$h. But when you get to know me I am not. I am guarded with everyone and prefer to be alone because I can not fail myself. But I am raising my son the opposite of how I was raised. I am teaching him to open up to people, to talk, to socialize, to treat people with kindness and respect. But most of all I am teaching him that you can do anything in this world if you try. I did not think that was a privilege.
Message edited 12/6/2017 3:02:39 PM.
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| Posted 12/6/17 3:02 PM |
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SecretlyTTC14
LIF Adult
Member since 12/13 1770 total posts
Name:
B
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
It only sounds weird to call it a privilege, because it's something that we know should be considered normal. But, over 40 million adult Americans report growing up with domestic violence. That is not including verbal and emotional abuse. That is actual domestic violence. If you add in the verbal and emotional abuse, it is easy to see how it can be considered a privilege to grow up in a good home with parents that teach you to have a good sense of your self-worth. After all, some synonyms of the word 'privilege' are: advantage & benefit.
I grew up in a violent home and as a result, I spent years in a violent relationship. It took me far too long to realize my worth. I've been sexually harassed/assaulted at a job and remained silent because if I had quit or made a scene, my abusive partner would have accused me of doing something to welcome or instigate it and I would have paid the price for that. Not to mention the money I earned at that job gave me some independence from my abusive relationship. You never know why someone has chosen to deal with sexually harassment/assault. It isn't anyones place to judge or blame the victims.
Message edited 12/6/2017 5:03:12 PM.
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| Posted 12/6/17 5:02 PM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
Posted by SecretlyTTC14
It only sounds weird to call it a privilege, because it's something that we know should be considered normal. But, over 40 million adult Americans report growing up with domestic violence. That is not including verbal and emotional abuse. That is actual domestic violence. If you add in the verbal and emotional abuse, it is easy to see how it can be considered a privilege to grow up in a good home with parents that teach you to have a good sense of your self-worth. After all, some synonyms of the word 'privilege' are: advantage & benefit.
I grew up in a violent home and as a result, I spent years in a violent relationship. It took me far too long to realize my worth. I've been sexually harassed/assaulted at a job and remained silent because if I had quit or made a scene, my abusive partner would have accused me of doing something to welcome or instigate it and I would have paid the price for that. Not to mention the money I earned at that job gave me some independence from my abusive relationship. You never know why someone has chosen to deal with sexually harassment/assault. It isn't anyones place to judge or blame the victims.
With this description, I was not raised privileged. Actually, I truly wasn't privileged in any way. And still, at some point, my mother tried her hardest to make me understand my worth. I come from a long line of very strong women (and I don't mean this to say those who are abused are weak. I mean it in the sense of my mother worked 18 hours a day, with a dying husband and 4 kids and somehow managed to keep us all alive - my aunts, cousins and grandmother was the same way). I understand everyone is different. And I feel for anyone who is hurt in any way in their life. My original post was agreeing with a PP who others were saying was wrong for saying not everyone has been harassed or stands for it. And wanted to bring up the question of what do we do? It's not just that it's happening. It's how do we stop it. If you (not you, the general you) want to call it privileged, then lets start now to give everyone that privilege to know who they are, what they deserve and teach boys and men what is to be expected of them.
Message edited 12/6/2017 5:32:26 PM.
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| Posted 12/6/17 5:30 PM |
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mrsrainbow
LIF Adult
Member since 1/17 1465 total posts
Name:
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
Posted by SecretlyTTC14
It only sounds weird to call it a privilege, because it's something that we know should be considered normal. But, over 40 million adult Americans report growing up with domestic violence. That is not including verbal and emotional abuse. That is actual domestic violence. If you add in the verbal and emotional abuse, it is easy to see how it can be considered a privilege to grow up in a good home with parents that teach you to have a good sense of your self-worth. After all, some synonyms of the word 'privilege' are: advantage & benefit.
I grew up in a violent home and as a result, I spent years in a violent relationship. It took me far too long to realize my worth. I've been sexually harassed/assaulted at a job and remained silent because if I had quit or made a scene, my abusive partner would have accused me of doing something to welcome or instigate it and I would have paid the price for that. Not to mention the money I earned at that job gave me some independence from my abusive relationship. You never know why someone has chosen to deal with sexually harassment/assault. It isn't anyones place to judge or blame the victims.
With this description, I was not raised privileged. Actually, I truly wasn't privileged in any way. And still, at some point, my mother tried her hardest to make me understand my worth. I come from a long line of very strong women (and I don't mean this to say those who are abused are weak. I mean it in the sense of my mother worked 18 hours a day, with a dying husband and 4 kids and somehow managed to keep us all alive - my aunts, cousins and grandmother was the same way). I understand everyone is different. And I feel for anyone who is hurt in any way in their life. My original post was agreeing with a PP who others were saying was wrong for saying not everyone has been harassed or stands for it. And wanted to bring up the question of what do we do? It's not just that it's happening. It's how do we stop it. If you (not you, the general you) want to call it privileged, then lets start now to give everyone that privilege to know who they are, what they deserve and teach boys and men what is to be expected of them.
I agree that there's huge teaching and empowerment lesson that needs to be taught. It just doesn't happen overnight. And there are parents who don't even believe in teaching their children worth/value. So I think it's a HUGE issue with many variables. And maybe it's privilege, maybe it's a luxury in a sense...luck? It's definitely "something" to be brought up with a strong sense of self, to be confident and strong when faced with adversity and to make the choices that will alter your life without fear of repercussions or dire consequences.
I think what we need to do a better job with is not allowing men to get away with it in the first place - that the victim blaming/shaming needs to stop and we need to stop finding ways to discredit people who come forward. Raising men who understand their power. I have a son and daughter, I have to find the right balance of empowering my daughter while not minimizing or emasculating my son and vice versa.
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| Posted 12/12/17 1:32 PM |
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PhyllisNJoe
My Box Is Broken
Member since 6/11 9145 total posts
Name:
Phyllis
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Re: Matt Lauer fired after 20 years at NBC
Posted by mrsrainbow
Posted by PhyllisNJoe
Posted by SecretlyTTC14
It only sounds weird to call it a privilege, because it's something that we know should be considered normal. But, over 40 million adult Americans report growing up with domestic violence. That is not including verbal and emotional abuse. That is actual domestic violence. If you add in the verbal and emotional abuse, it is easy to see how it can be considered a privilege to grow up in a good home with parents that teach you to have a good sense of your self-worth. After all, some synonyms of the word 'privilege' are: advantage & benefit.
I grew up in a violent home and as a result, I spent years in a violent relationship. It took me far too long to realize my worth. I've been sexually harassed/assaulted at a job and remained silent because if I had quit or made a scene, my abusive partner would have accused me of doing something to welcome or instigate it and I would have paid the price for that. Not to mention the money I earned at that job gave me some independence from my abusive relationship. You never know why someone has chosen to deal with sexually harassment/assault. It isn't anyones place to judge or blame the victims.
With this description, I was not raised privileged. Actually, I truly wasn't privileged in any way. And still, at some point, my mother tried her hardest to make me understand my worth. I come from a long line of very strong women (and I don't mean this to say those who are abused are weak. I mean it in the sense of my mother worked 18 hours a day, with a dying husband and 4 kids and somehow managed to keep us all alive - my aunts, cousins and grandmother was the same way). I understand everyone is different. And I feel for anyone who is hurt in any way in their life. My original post was agreeing with a PP who others were saying was wrong for saying not everyone has been harassed or stands for it. And wanted to bring up the question of what do we do? It's not just that it's happening. It's how do we stop it. If you (not you, the general you) want to call it privileged, then lets start now to give everyone that privilege to know who they are, what they deserve and teach boys and men what is to be expected of them.
I agree that there's huge teaching and empowerment lesson that needs to be taught. It just doesn't happen overnight. And there are parents who don't even believe in teaching their children worth/value. So I think it's a HUGE issue with many variables. And maybe it's privilege, maybe it's a luxury in a sense...luck? It's definitely "something" to be brought up with a strong sense of self, to be confident and strong when faced with adversity and to make the choices that will alter your life without fear of repercussions or dire consequences.
I think what we need to do a better job with is not allowing men to get away with it in the first place - that the victim blaming/shaming needs to stop and we need to stop finding ways to discredit people who come forward. Raising men who understand their power. I have a son and daughter, I have to find the right balance of empowering my daughter while not minimizing or emasculating my son and vice versa.
The fact that you’re saying you need to find that balance with raising your children says so much right there. You’re already working on the next generation. I wish everyone would think that way. That’s really the answer.
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| Posted 12/13/17 10:13 PM |
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