Maybe a pre-mature question about what to say to teen about studying

This may be pre-mature, but I foresee an issue with my 15 year old step son (with whom I have a great relationship and can talk about anything), and just want to be prepared. All during finals, it didn't seem like he was really studying much, for regular finals or regents exams. Every night I would ask him if he studied and felt ready for the test - and he always said he felt prepared and was confident he would do well. But, he only studied a couple of hours a day for each test (literally told me he studied for 2 hours for his earth science regents and that he covered "everything". When I asked about his English final, he said he didn't have any notes for the books they read and only studied his vocabulary words). He was in the pool, seeing friends and playing video games each day, too. I seem to remember studying non-stop during finals week in high school - but maybe I'm "mis-remembering ". Overall, he has a good grade point average, but it is brought up significantly by his grades in some "soft classes" while he has struggled in some of the tougher classes. Throughout the school year he would "study" for a test, say he was prepared and then get a mediocre grade. Since I am a step parent, I didn't push the issue too much. (And I always did very well in school, so maybe I am just expecting too much). But, he has high aspirations (at this point, would like to go to med school) and so he really needs to buckle down and focus on his grades if he wants to succeed in his goals. Bottom line, I am expecting (and maybe/hopefully I'll be wrong but if history proves anything, I don't think so) that his grades on his finals will be Ok, at best. But, if he had spent more time preparing, he would have done much better (he is absolutely capable). So, when his grades come in, and they are not what they could have been, what can I/ we (DH and I) say to him? I don't want to be like "I told you so", but I want him to understand that if he wants to meet his goals (even if/when they change), he has to really focus next year and work for what he wants. Getting good grades is something that is important to him, but I'm not sure that he knows "how" to study and what he should be doing to get what he wants. (I could be the person to help point him in that direction, but it is usually his mother who deals with "school stuff" and I don't think she is really all that concerned - neither DH nor his mother were "good students" and neither went to college). If he gets his grades and they are not what they "should/could" be, what do we say to him to let him know that we expect more of him, know he can do better and are not angry, but that he needs to re-arrange his priorities? Thanks for any advice!

Message edited 6/21/2013 9:28:00 PM.

Re: Maybe a pre-mature question about what to say to teen about studying

I would sit down with him and say, listen there is an art to studying. I know you have goals and dreams for yourself. How do you think you can achieve your goals? What are the steps you are taking today? In order to achieve your goals you need to do well in your classes so you can get into a good college. I am happy to sit down with you to show you how to study. It is not about just studying, it is about studying smart. Then sit and show him how to review things. Ask him how he thinks he learns best, listening, writing, reading. Then formulate a plan to help him in a method that works for him. To me the object is not to just sit with a book for 2 hours. That does nothing and is a waste of time. You need to actively engage with the materials in a way that will help you learn the materials.
eta: I would of course discuss this with your Dh and have your DH sitting with him and you. I would have this discussion over pizza or mcdonalds or something like that to make it not so pressurized. Also stress how much you love him and want the best for him.

Message edited 6/21/2013 10:23:14 PM.

Maybe a pre-mature question about what to say to teen about studying

I think you need to leave it up to your husband to say something. If the grades aren't good then he needs to say something and point out how competitive med school is. If it is study skills contact the school in sept or get him a tutor.

Maybe a pre-mature question about what to say to teen about studying

I would definitely talk to DH about it and have DH involved (and we have talked about it) - its just that he doesn't really know what "studying" is and would let me take the lead in something like this. SS and I have a very close relationship and he looks up to me and will come to me for guidance about a lot of things. He knows that I went to grad school on a full scholarship due to my grades and that I have "been there, done that", so to speak.

Re: Maybe a pre-mature question about what to say to teen about studying

Maybe a pre-mature question about what to say to teen about studying

If his grades aren't good, next year during midterms/finals I wouldn't allow any pool, friends, or video games.
He either studies or stares at the wall.