Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

DH has been moody for a couple of weeks now...he's been sick these past two weeks so I think that has a lot to do with it

Last night he tells me "Sometimes I just want to be alone"

W*T*H? (I just got REALLY UPSET then)

So I'm like, you want to be alone? You don't want me or DD to be with you? And he's like, "
No I didn't mean that...I meant sometimes I'm overwhelmed and just want a little time to myself...I come home from work and its doing stuff at home constantly" and then he said he doesn't know if he likes he job that much (and I remind him that no job is perfect)

So I'm like, um...ok.....

And then he says, "I guess you're a tougher person than me, you can take care of her, do your work, still be positive etc"

So I told him, maybe if you had a little vaca for yourself or whatever to make yourself feel good again or whatever...

this morning he said everything's fine...he was just being a baby





Seriously? We have 1 baby already? I feel like I have a teenage boy at home now too???

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

My DH never actually says the words "he wants to be alone" but if he seems a bit moody or had a bad day at work, Ill gve him his space, as in leave with the kids...go to the store or just dissapear-NOT w/an attitude....but just make myself busy,and normally he will call me in no time wondering where his family is-lol....but it works- it give him the space he needs...and makes him miss us!
I think its normal -for men to want to "hide in their cave" sometimes....(altho annoying) ....esp if he's not been feeling good.

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

Honestly, I kind of understand what he means. I would KILL for an hour in the house alone sometimes. Just a little time to decompress between chores, or before bed. That's what it sounds like he meant to me.

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

I don't think it's a midlife crisis - I think he's just feeling overwhelmed.

Some people (myself AND my husband included) require some alone time - If we are CONSTANTLY on top of each other I want to hang myself

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

My DH definitely needs his alone time, which is hard because we hardly see each other as it is. But I try to not be in the house for a few hours on the weekend so he can just lounge around or sometimes when he comes home he just goes in our bedroom and plays on the computer for awhile by himself.

When we were first living together, it used to bother me but I've gotten used to it.

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

Oh, thank you for telling me this...

It's so hard to "be in it" sometimes and not understand...

I sooo appreciate your responses....

It's hard to reflect on stuff like this sometimes cause its so new to us and we're "in it"

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

I don't know but sometimes I just want to be alone too...

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

I definitely agree with the other posters. Sometimes, when DH gets home, especially if the kids are being crazy, I will tell him (in not as nice a way as your DH) the kids are his for an hour and I'll go out and get a cup of coffee and walk around Michael's or another store - just for the peace and quiet.

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

Honestly, I tell DH this when he gets home some days (esp. when DS and I have had a "special" day). I really just want 20 minutes of quiet, then I'm usually fine.

Maybe make him go out and do something by himself soon, and you too. It's good once in awhile.

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

I think he really just wanted to be alone for a bit. I know sometimes I tell DH just to leave me alone for a little bit to relax-then I'm good for anything he needs to talk about. Down time makes you unwind from a long day.

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

I think i can understand it. Sometimes you just need alone time but at that same time you want the family around. Its hard. Seems being a family is always work, work, work. Something always needs to be watched, done, cleaned, etc. There are so many sacrifices. sometimes you just want be totally 'alone' by yourself with no one to answer to or for or to have to think of. Othertimes you just want to be unneeded for a bit (that is what I want sometimes) to not 'have' to be necessary just to be part of the family without participating.

Everyone needs a lil 'space' but its hard to ask for or find when you have a kiddo and its definately hard to put in words without sounding mean!

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

I want to share - I'm not sure if you frequent the relationship board, but from May-August, which I now call the "Dark Ages", DH and I were on the cusp of separating.

He was going through something similar. The way he handled it left much to be desired, but I really didn't take the time to understand it or be supportive.

We really worked on a lot of communication issues - but really, your DH is communicating something to you that shouldn't be ignored or cast away as a "what a baby". If it were the other way around, that would be really hurtful for you.

I would sit down and work out a plan where he can have some time to himself - and you can as well. You both need it. DH and I do that and it has helped.

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

I think what he's feeling is totally normal - god knows, I would KILL for some alone time, I really would, and when DH senses that I'm about to lose my mind, he packs the girls up in the car and takes them out so I can just decompress by myself. It doesn't mean I love them any less- I adore my family, they are my life, but sometimes I really do miss just having some time to myself. Kudos to your DH for manning up and talking to you about his feelings

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

Posted by lipglossjunky73

I want to share - I'm not sure if you frequent the relationship board, but from May-August, which I now call the "Dark Ages", DH and I were on the cusp of separating.

He was going through something similar. The way he handled it left much to be desired, but I really didn't take the time to understand it or be supportive.

We really worked on a lot of communication issues - but really, your DH is communicating something to you that shouldn't be ignored or cast away as a "what a baby". If it were the other way around, that would be really hurtful for you.

I would sit down and work out a plan where he can have some time to himself - and you can as well. You both need it. DH and I do that and it has helped.

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

Message edited 10/29/2009 1:20:12 PM.

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

In his "Defense", at least he was honest with you. Many time people get burned out and never share their feelings and it's too late by the time they talk.

DH and I have both alone time at night. I spend some time on the computer without DH or DS by me. DH uses the computer after I am done with it and take his turn.

Sometimes it's good to decompress for 1 hour or so.

I do not mean that he can "escape" the daily duties that have to be done or not spend time with DC and you.

We have our family time. DH plays with DS. I usually use the computer when DH comes home while he plays with DS. Then I go down to put DS to bed. We eat and have our "DH/DW" time. Sometimes I go back to computer. Then DH goes to computer.

ETA: I also sometimes read a book in the LR and I am not paying attention to either DH or DS. I am a SAHM mom. I need a break too. We both need a break. I don't feel guilty that I am not involved in DS' playtime with DH. I can be in the same room though and do my own stuff. But DH knows that I will not be attenting to DS. Same for DH. When he needs his time, I take care of DS or I do my own thing. Sometimes we do the computer, sometimes it's watching our own show on TV, etc...

Message edited 10/29/2009 1:29:15 PM.

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

Posted by Bxgell2

I think what he's feeling is totally normal - god knows, I would KILL for some alone time, I really would, and when DH senses that I'm about to lose my mind, he packs the girls up in the car and takes them out so I can just decompress by myself. It doesn't mean I love them any less- I adore my family, they are my life, but sometimes I really do miss just having some time to myself. Kudos to your DH for manning up and talking to you about his feelings

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

My husband and I take "alone" vacations every year. He goes with his BIL to see a baseball game in another state and I go with my best friend upstate NY to her vacation home. it is 2 nights. And honestly, we both LOVE it. You cannot be "on" all the time. Sometimes you need to go and take a walk, eat a meal or just watch TV without being called Mommy/Daddy or having to pick up toys.
I think he is very normal actually.
and he is right, you work all day and then come home to work again. It is not easy.

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

I think everyone already gave great advice. I think it's great that your DH communicated that to you. I know sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes everyday feels like the same day over and over.

DH and I make time for ourselves and for each other. It keeps us sane I think!

Re: Midlife Crisis? W-T-eff

I think everyone needs and wants a little alone time. I know I do.

Saturday morning is my "rest" time. DH is home and he watches DS. I'll sleep in late, get my nails done, go to barnes and nobles, etc. If I'm home, DH tends to just bring DS in the same room as me while I am "resting" so last week I asked DH to take DS to living room to play so I can actually "rest". I didn't say it in a mean way or anything.

Everyone needs time to unwind. Don't take it personally. Your DH is only being human.