btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Mommy's Letter To Santa...
Dear Santa,
I've been a good Mommy all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my
children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor,
sold
sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on
the
school
playground and figured out how to attach nine patches onto my son's
Boy Scout uniform with staples and a glue gun.
I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases,
since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back
of
a receipt
in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find
anymore free time in the next 18 years.
Here are my Christmas wishes:
I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,
which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze;
but
are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in
the
grocery store.
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh
month of my last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint
resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television
that
doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a
refrigerator
with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk
on
the phone.
On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes
Mommy"
to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight
and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use
of
power tools.
I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in
the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my
voice
seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be
heard
by
the dog.
If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough
time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the
luxury
of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in
a
styrofoam container.
If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to
brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare
ketchup a
vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.
It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the
house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an
organized
crime family.
Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet
under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back. Have
a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come
in
and dry off so you don't catch cold.
Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave
crumbs on the carpet.
Yours Always,
Mommy
P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep
my children young enough to believe in Santa
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