Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

DS is 10 and in 5th grade. I started noticing last year that some of the kids were a bit more advanced, but this year is crazy.

It seems before all of the boys were good friends, but this year is very evident the little groups. It is kind of sad because one boy that used to be his best friend, now hangs out with another group of boys. This other group of kids uses bad vocabulary, they have crushes on girls, and looks like they know a lot of stuff (sex related, bj's, etc). This kids are very independent -parents allowed them to walk home by themselves, go to the playground by themselves, to baseball practice-, hence all of them have iPhones.

DS is more 'immature'. He still doesn't like girls, thinks only about sports and minecraft and his friends are the ame way. He doesn't have a phone, since he doesn't need it, because I pick him up and I take him to all of his activities.

The part that saddens me, is that I used to see all of the boys playing together, but now it seems they are so divided.

So my question is... It will get worse or is just a phase?

Thank you so much if you read all of this

Re: Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

Phase and in MS they are not as bad, at least IME.

I actually like that my ds doesn't hang out with those type of boys (ones whose parents let them do whatever they want and treat them like 15 year olds) as they are the ones that eventually get in trouble.

Re: Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

Re: Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

I have an (almost) 8 year old. So I'm a bit behind in the game here.
I will say this...I feel like before 6th grade, kids start going down a certain path or identifying with certain groups. You see this SO much in middle school. It's almost like kids end up in different groups and the kids in the groups are all the same (for better or worse.) This continues through high school, of course. It's a *RARE* case where a kid changes courses and groups (again, for a better group or worse group).

Sadly, kids fall into categories and it just is what it is. I guess one would say it's a normal phase of development.

But - and I'm not expert, except that I'm a big observer - I can almost identify at 8 which friends of my son are going to go in which direction - all star jock, brainiacs, average (the old favorite!) and yes, even the class of "bad kids." (I hate to use that term - but you know what I mean - those kids that are going to get into trouble constantly, do stupid shit, disrespect authority, etc). I do not know what makes one kid different than the next.

I think the best thing to do is keep your son involved with friends, even new ones! If he's into Minecraft, find a Minecraft club at your library. Keep him with like-minded boys his age. It trruly sounds like your son is on the path to being in one of those "good" groups.

I remember distinctly as a kid - the girls who seemed like they were already 17, but we were really 12. They just seemed mature, wore make up like they've been doing it for years, knew & experienced things I had barely read about, had already smoked cigarrettes and cut classes, that sorta of thing. It never changed.

I know it's so difficult to start to see this stuff! but it's good to acknowledge it and then try to intervene where you can. :)

Message edited 1/22/2016 8:15:14 PM.

Re: Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

My DS is 10 and in the 5th grade also. I do notice that some boys he was close with he is not anymore and he is now close to other kids. I think at this age they start to develop interests more, and start hanging out more with kids who have the same interests. He is still friends with the boy who is really into sports but DS is not so they don't have too much in common any more. I don't think its a bad thing, just kids finding their way and finding others with whom they have something in common. When they're younger, they all just play together and outside interests don't matter as much. It is a little tough for me to get used to but DS is not upset about any of it and sees it as normal. As long as your DS is not in with the wrong crowd and is happy, just try to go with it.

Re: Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

Eatingmyveggies said it perfectly. My son is a bit younger but you can already tell which kids are going down what paths. Not in a bad way, just some groups grow up too fast. It's mainly parenting and personality that dictates, and it's pretty obvious.

My son is very much like yours and believe me, it's a relief. I prefer him to be the younger/ more immature one. I overhear his conversations with friends and they are very innocent, silly, and a little "nerdy". We have him involved in science and things that he enjoys. We don't push him into certain sports or activities because he is who he is already. I don't want him around certain kids because he would not be comfortable around them anyway .

The only thing I would do if your DS wants a phone, I would get him one.

Re: Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

My DS is 9 and I see what you're saying, but to be honest, my kid is probably one of the kids you would label as "bad". He acts older then his age and always has. He probably knows more about sex then the average 9 year old, but he knows real facts about sex, not silly boy talk. He has asked me questions and I have given him answers. He's always liked girls and has had multiple girlfriends at this point. Lol But that doesn't mean he's going to be a trouble maker. He is a joker, yes. But he does not act out or disrespect his teachers. He's also super into sports and hangs out with a lot of the athletic kids. And we encourage that, because I believe that will keep him more on the straight and narrow.

Re: Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

Re: Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

I am a little behind on this as my son is only 8 also but I am around a lot of kids and most of my friends have older kids.

Is your son the oldest? I notice that my son (who is the oldest) is very immature compared to a lot of the kids his age who have older siblings. I think that when you are the second, third, fourth kid you tend to grow up faster and the parents give them a lot more independence. They are just more mature a little earlier. My son has no one to model this behavior off of, although he does play with a lot of the older boys on the block. I think around high school it all starts to even out.

As far as the right age for a phone, in my town the norm is 5th grade and that's because that's when most of the kids are allowed to walk to and from school in groups without an adult, and 6th grade they are allowed to walk around our "main street" area alone on friday afternoons after school. I'm actually not opposed to them having a phone as long as they don't abuse it. I think it's only a problem when parents allow their kids to text and use social media with no supervision.

Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

My son is 12 and in his second year of middle school. I get exactly what you are saying. It's weird that some boys start maturing quickly while others don't at all for a good while. And, yes, I noticed the same things happening with my sons friends. Some of the kids matured very quickly and even have girlfriends (that they actually go to their houses) and have drifted to a different crowd. While others are much more immature and are not into girls at all. And I see them riding bikes all over town, some younger than him. My son is somewhere in the middle, and at this point, doesn't have very many good friends anymore.

FWIW, wait until high school. That's when even the "good" kids your child is friends with start actually smoking pot and having sex. It's a real eye opener. Some friends my daughter has known since first grade that I knew to be good, innocent kids are doing some crazy sh*t.

Re: Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

Thank you ladies for your input and for sharing your experiences. I think that I was shocked and it was an eye opener of how DS and friends are growing up. There are more things happening that made me realize that his good friend from before is not a friend now and it was kind of sad, since they were very good friends since they were little and this boy have changed a lot. It was also surprising because he is a good boy, i.e academically speaking and he was very polite and caring, but now he doesn't even greet us when he sees us going to the school.

We thought about giving DS a phone, but right now he doesn't really need it. Although, we were thinking about giving him an LG or something very basic, not an iPhone. I'm afraid that other kids could make fun of him.

To answer a question, he is my only one, so maybe that's why he is on the immature side (?), but also he is one of the youngest on his grade.

I don't think I'm ready to deal with middle school, let alone high school

Re: Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

I hear what you are saying. I have a 5th grade boy. Things start changing in 4th grade and no more into 5th grade and hear it just keeps going and everyone says - Oh wait til you get to middle school (7th grade here).

My son is not into girls and rather be with his male friends playing video games and sports. He doesn't have a phone and barely asks for one and he's not getting one this school year (hoping to get to end of 6th grade if I can - he doesn't need to have all day to text and instagram and all that (which is a huge source of issues here). I am lucky that he has a great group of boys he is friends with that have similar interests with good families who are not pushing them to grow up too fast (I see parents pushing kids too fast - letting them do too much independently and unsupervised and to date - I understand crushes but dating -hell no not at 10 in my book. Thinking spin the bottle at a 10 yr old bday party is great!). He plays a a few team sports which I think is great in a lot of aspects. His travel team is an amazing group of boys and parents alike and they all enjoy being together.

I see a lot of friends with same aged kids who are really struggling with the friendships changing and kids they thought were good changing and going down new paths. My son definitely is questioning things he hears and sees and definitely curious but I see him (and most of his core group) constantly doing the right thing so I am happy. He does have an ipad and does text but I read all his texts and he shows me when people are inappropriate, rude, wrong and he'll leave that chat immediately all on his own.

Do what you are doing and let him be 10. Encourage his friendships that are healthy and you feel are similar. Have him involved with sports and other activities that interest him and new friendship will flourish.

Message edited 1/28/2016 10:38:32 AM.

Re: Moms of 10 year old boys (or older)

My3bugs... Thank you! You expressed perfectly what I'm feeling. Thanks to you and all for taking the time to answer.