More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

I'm a Pre-School teacher who teaches four and five year olds. One of the little girls in my class is about to lose her Mom to cancer (it's just a matter of time). It's absolutely heartbreaking. This poor child knows that Mommy is sick to some extent but really doesn't know that very soon Mommy isn't going to be here anymore. The director today ordered and bought a whole bunch of books geared toward this child and all of the children in my class and tomorrow the director is going to talk to all of us in how to deal with this loss. Has any of you been involved in this type of situation and how did you deal with telling the child? What other suggestions may you have? As a teacher, I'm finding this so hard. I feel so bad for this poor child and can't even begin to imagine how every one in the family is feeling Thanks for your help

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

that has to be the saddest thing ive heard...

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

how awful, I am sorry but I have no advice, only prayers for that poor little girl....how devistating that must be for her

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

I was just 13 when my dad passed suddenly. Im sure things are much different when you are such a small child Maybe talk to the school counseler about having some time with her. My prayers are with her and her family.

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

That is so sad! I am so sorry this is happening to the poor little girl and her family.

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

Posted by BabySammie

that has to be the saddest thing ive heard...

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

My sister died when her son (my nephew) had just turned 5. We buried her on Christmas Eve.

I think letting the child know that you are available is important - but also be aware that this is a young child who will probably crave some normalcy - because her life at home will be anything but normal. I used to take Sean (my nephew) to my house and let him hang out and play and goof off just like always. I did not bring up my sister until and unless he did. I gave him a space to be unpitied and to be a child. I think he appreciated it because he used to want to come over all of the time.

ETA: As her teacher, you should let the child take the lead. Let her know that if she wants to talk to you about anything that you are happy to listen.. but don't keep bringing it up. Just be there. Also - prepare yourself for some changes in behaviour. My nephew became a real challenge for his teachers right after my sister died. Kids have their own way of expressing themselves.

Message edited 9/12/2007 7:35:00 PM.

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

I agree with Jeannie -let the child take the lead and try to treat her normally.

my uncle died suddenly of a heart attack last year - my y oungest cousin was 6. she really didnt fully understand that her dad wasnt coming back.

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

Maria Shriver has some books you may be able to get as well.

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

I'm a psychologist and worked in a preschool for several years. I agree that you should expect to see changes in behavior. Kids at that age can not fully understand the concept and finality of death, nor can they fully verbalize their feelings, so they tend to act out their confusion, sadness and anger through play and behaviorally. Just be consistent with her, watch and interact with her through play, offer people/animal figures to help her express her loss and the unfortunate changes in her family. Even though it is understandably making you feel uncomfortable and sad, don't become visibly upset around the child (I mean, if it comes up, you could tell her you are very sad too, but don't start crying in front of her). If you have counseling in your school, it should be made available to her.

Message edited 9/12/2007 11:27:28 PM.

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

Thank you all so much for your advice in how to handle this situation. Unfortunately we don't have any counselors, so we have to basically take on that role. My assistant and I are prepared for behavorial changes and some differences in her, and the director is going to involve every one in the school to help out as much as they can. She already went and purchased books and stuff for us to read in class and for the child to take home with her father. The child has yet to mention any thing about Mommy being sick. She some times will cry "I want Mommy or Daddy".....she's been staying with Grandma and her Uncle. We are not bringing up the subject unless she talks to us (my assistant or I) about it. It's just so heart breaking
Thank you for all of your advice.....definitely helps a great deal. It's much appreciated

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

When my mom was dying, there is nothing anyone could do or say to make me feel better. I doubt a book explaining death would go over well, especially for a pre-schooler. JMHO

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

Oh my goodness how incredibly heartbreaking

EVeryone gave great advice.

maybe you can also try the bereavement boards to see if anyone can offer advice.

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

I replied here

Re: More traffic here...death of a child's parent and how to help them cope

one of my students from last years father died of a sudden heart attack.. heard about it over the summer- on the first day when she came back to visit I pulled her into the classroom and had a long talk with her- basically saying if she needs to talk, cry, etc to come to me... She comes to visit me every day.... its heartbreaking b/c she was so close to her dad... he was just in my classroom for VIP day...