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bikramaddict
mommy-to-be
Member since 8/06 4376 total posts
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My baby shower - can I say something?
some background: when i was getting married, my bestie tried to throw my shower. my mom passed away and that's something my dad would never think to initiate. it was going to be low key at her house, which was perfect. I was grateful. Then MIL said she wanted to get involved. She didn't like that it was going to be at my friend's house (even though my friend said that's what I'd prefer) and said she wants it at a restaurant and she'll pay. My friend didn't want to be disrespectful and went along with it. My aunt encouraged my dad to pay half and he did. It was a lovely shower and I appreciated it, but it was the shower my MIL wanted.
Now I'm 12 weeks pregnant and last night MIL asks me about a baby shower. She said she knows I'm more low key and if I want we can do something at her house and keep it small. It was very sweet, and I appreciated that she now realized that low key is what I like. The thing is, I don't really want it at her house. I don't know where I do want it, but I know it's not her house. However I feel like I can't say anything because she's going to end up paying. It's a weird spot to be in. I also don't want to come off as ungrateful, especially knowing that my father would never think to do something.
Can I say something? How do I do that? And what do I say?
ETA: Thanks for the responses. I guess a big factor is that her house is small and it will be cold out so it's not like people can go outside. But I live in an apartment so it's not like I could offer an alternative. I feel bad saying anything at all. DH says I shouldn't feel bad, but I do because she's taking this on by herself.
Message edited 10/22/2015 2:47:18 PM.
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Posted 10/22/15 10:47 AM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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MrsO
Big Brothers to Be
Member since 1/07 4521 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: My baby shower - can I say something?
I probably wouldn't say something - but if it really bothers you tell your dh where you would like the shower or a type of place you would like it and have him suggest it to her.
It is sweet she is taking your wishes into planning the shower.
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| Posted 10/22/15 11:01 AM |
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Re: My baby shower - can I say something?
I might just go with it and have it at her house. I'm sure it will still be nice - unless there's a specific reason you DON'T want it there (its not clean, too many pets, etc)
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| Posted 10/22/15 11:11 AM |
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racheK
Hudson's Momma
Member since 10/10 2853 total posts
Name:
Rachel
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My baby shower - can I say something?
It depends on your relationship with your MIL. I would feel comfortable telling my MIL that while I wanted my bridal shower low key at a home originally, I wouldn't mind my baby shower out at a location. She'd be happy I was honest with her because she would want my shower to be exactly how I want it. I did not have this same relationship with my Ex-MIL so I know it can be difficult. As the PP said, maybe ask your DH to suggest having it out.
I wish I was having a baby shower! I'm Jewish and we just don't have them. I know I'm going to get a bit sad when I start getting to the point in my pregnancy when people are having showers.
Message edited 10/22/2015 11:13:03 AM.
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| Posted 10/22/15 11:12 AM |
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MrsD121011
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 1460 total posts
Name:
Elicia
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My baby shower - can I say something?
Sounds to me like your MIL is trying her best to make you happy. I would just be grateful that she is doing it and leave it be.
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| Posted 10/22/15 11:29 AM |
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ali120206
2 Boys
Member since 7/06 17792 total posts
Name:
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My baby shower - can I say something?
Why don't you want it there?
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| Posted 10/22/15 11:45 AM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: My baby shower - can I say something?
Posted by MrsD121011
Sounds to me like your MIL is trying her best to make you happy. I would just be grateful that she is doing it and leave it be.
It's a party for you (and your baby). If you want to choose everything, then you should throw it yourself.
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| Posted 10/22/15 12:14 PM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: My baby shower - can I say something?
Posted by NYCGirl80
Posted by MrsD121011
Sounds to me like your MIL is trying her best to make you happy. I would just be grateful that she is doing it and leave it be.
It's a party for you (and your baby). If you want to choose everything, then you should throw it yourself.
Yup I agree with this. We just experienced a situation in our family where we were willing to help host a shower and the mom & dad to be were being very picky and dictating with what they wanted. It turned into such a sour experience. It was such a turn off and honestly it soured the experience for everyone and just made people look at them in a different way.
If you are dead set on having your shower in a certain location and/or a certain way, I would tell your DH and have him throw it.
ETA: Unless you feel a certain way because your MILs house is dirty, she's a hoarder or a has a ton of pets. That's definitely understandable.
Message edited 10/22/2015 12:30:20 PM.
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| Posted 10/22/15 12:29 PM |
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buttercup
St. Jude pray for us...
Member since 1/11 2951 total posts
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Re: My baby shower - can I say something?
I think it is very sweet of your MIL but you can say that you'd rather just not have it at home because it would be a lot of work for her and its not fair to but the entire responsibility on her. If your dad can also chip in, which I think if it was brought up to him, he would gladly do, your MIL would understand.
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| Posted 10/22/15 1:05 PM |
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cets1290
LIF Adult
Member since 6/14 1051 total posts
Name:
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My baby shower - can I say something?
i get it, but it's a tough spot. i think I would just let her do it at her house
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| Posted 10/22/15 1:16 PM |
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J9-13
We're gonna be big sisters!
Member since 6/06 14887 total posts
Name:
J9
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Re: My baby shower - can I say something?
Posted by NYCGirl80
Posted by MrsD121011
Sounds to me like your MIL is trying her best to make you happy. I would just be grateful that she is doing it and leave it be.
It's a party for you (and your baby). If you want to choose everything, then you should throw it yourself.
I don't know...I don't really agree with this.
Why shouldn't what she wants/likes be taken into consideration? Obviously it's not a surprise so if she would like some input, i don't see the big deal.
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| Posted 10/22/15 1:38 PM |
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Momma2015
Mommax2
Member since 12/12 6656 total posts
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Re: My baby shower - can I say something?
Posted by buttercup
I think it is very sweet of your MIL but you can say that you'd rather just not have it at home because it would be a lot of work for her and its not fair to but the entire responsibility on her. If your dad can also chip in, which I think if it was brought up to him, he would gladly do, your MIL would understand.
I think this is the approach I would take. I'd say that you like the idea of something low key, but don't want to burden your MIL with all the responsibility. If she insists, though, leave it alone.
Why don't you want it at her house anyway? It sounds like you don't want it at a restaurant either... where would YOU have it?
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| Posted 10/22/15 2:03 PM |
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Re: My baby shower - can I say something?
I feel like it's impossible for me to give any advice without knowing the reason WHY you don't want it at her house.
If it were me, I'd just accept however she wanted to do it if she's the one paying, planning, etc. I wouldn't feel comfortable dictating how it will go if I'm leaving it to her to do all the work. But of course if there's a specific reason why her house makes you uncomfortable, then I like the idea of just being kind about it and saying you'd rather not have her bombarded with everything at her place and that you'd be happy with it elsewhere (or have DH suggest this).
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| Posted 10/22/15 2:27 PM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: My baby shower - can I say something?
Nice of her to offer. Have it at her house (the other low key option is your own apartment).
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| Posted 10/22/15 4:09 PM |
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NYCGirl80
I love my kiddies!
Member since 5/11 10413 total posts
Name:
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Re: My baby shower - can I say something?
Posted by bikramaddict
ETA: Thanks for the responses. I guess a big factor is that her house is small and it will be cold out so it's not like people can go outside. But I live in an apartment so it's not like I could offer an alternative. I feel bad saying anything at all. DH says I shouldn't feel bad, but I do because she's taking this on by herself.
Since you wanted to keep it small, having a small house may not be a big deal. But if you think it will still be too small, why don't you have your husband talk to her about having it elsewhere. If that doesnt' work, then just leave it be. You're the guest of honor, not the host. I'm sure she's hosted parties in her house before and knows how to make it work.
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| Posted 10/22/15 4:11 PM |
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MrsD121011
LIF Adult
Member since 5/12 1460 total posts
Name:
Elicia
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Re: My baby shower - can I say something?
Posted by J9-13
Posted by NYCGirl80
Posted by MrsD121011
Sounds to me like your MIL is trying her best to make you happy. I would just be grateful that she is doing it and leave it be.
It's a party for you (and your baby). If you want to choose everything, then you should throw it yourself.
I don't know...I don't really agree with this.
Why shouldn't what she wants/likes be taken into consideration? Obviously it's not a surprise so if she would like some input, i don't see the big deal.
It is...that was my point. Her bridal shower she wanted in a house and for it to be low key. Those wishes were not honored then but are being honored now and now she doesn't want it at the house. I am just saying she should be grateful her MIL is hosting it to her original preference. Like PP said also if you want something very particular done with a shower or party just host it yourself. I am in no way trying to be fresh or argumentative at all, just feel like may the MIL would be getting mixed signals and is just trying to make her happy.
Message edited 10/22/2015 4:28:28 PM.
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| Posted 10/22/15 4:26 PM |
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JME78
LIF Adult
Member since 11/09 3672 total posts
Name:
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Re: My baby shower - can I say something?
someone is throwing you a party.
be grateful and enjoy it.
you cannot say anything without coming across as entitled and ungrateful.
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| Posted 10/22/15 7:39 PM |
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hmm
Sweet
Member since 1/14 7993 total posts
Name:
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My baby shower - can I say something?
your husband doesn't think you should feel bad, and its his mother. I am wondering, is your best friends home bigger? would she be open to having it her home? if yes, you can say, you to your MIL I appreciate you offering to throw me another party but you would like to give your best friend the opportunity this time to hold this event at her home. Let your MIL be part of the planning.
I hate to tell someone its rude to say something, BUT if something bothers a person enough about a situation, that alone, can make for a hostile event with tension, because in the back of your mind you wont feel happy.
I will add, like some of the pp stated. I am also wondering what other reason but for it being a small house makes you uncomfortable.
Why do people need to go out, to smoke?
Message edited 10/24/2015 12:40:59 PM.
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| Posted 10/24/15 12:37 PM |
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