My friend is a stalker!

Just a little background. We have been friends since college. She is one of those girls that drops you as soon as she has a boyfriend. The only time she ever wants to hang out is if her boyfriend is not going to be around (ex. when her boyfriend goes away fishing for days at a time. I've accepted it and moved on. That is her perogative if she wants to be like that). She used to work full-time during the day and go to school at night so she barely called (b/c all her free time she spent with her boyfriend only) and I have seen her maybe 3 times in the last 8 months and she only lives 10 min. away. So, this semester she quit her job and goes to school during the day now. So she has ALLL this free time in between her breaks from classes and being her boyfriend is not around (he's working) all of a sudden she started calling me again. But not just once every couple of days to say hi. She has been calling everyday now, multiple times a day. Her first call starts around 9:30 in the morning. Than if I dont answer, she will continue to call my house and than cell phone (and work when I was working) every hour without leaving messages until I pick up. Plus she txt message me. She thinks that being I am home now on maternity leave and when I have the baby she can come over everyday to "hang out" in between classes. This is just getting to be too much for me now. She is annoying me to the point where I want to scream. I figured if I didnt pick up the phone or call her back until the next day, she would get the hint, but she hasn't. Nothing bothers DH but he even thinks it is borderline insane. He was off Monday and home with me and she called 5 times!!!!!!!!!!! I feel horrible for feeling this way but I just have so much to do before the baby comes I can't be entertaining her b/c she all of a sudden has nothing else better to do and her boyfriend is not around. And when she did put time aside to hang out with me those 3 times in the last 8 months, all she does is txt message her boyfriend back and forth the ENTIRE time. She is 23 and he is 34....CAN WE GROW UP!!!!!!

What would you guys do in this situation? I am sure some of you have had friends like this at some point.

Message edited 3/7/2007 12:55:13 PM.

Re: My friend is a stalker!

Yes, I have a friend who would only hang out with me when her boyfriend/now dh wasn't around. When we did hang out it was for a restricted amount of time like she has better things to do with her time than hang out with me. It's annoying...

Re: My friend is a stalker!

if you never want to be friends with her then blow her off comnpletely


i think that her reasoning is that she feels she lost you to her bf (her fault) and now she is trying to make up for lost time.

if you prefer to just see her less, id tel lher to only call during something like 12-1 or that YOU will call her. she needs to know that its too many phone calls, you are busy and/or its the end of your pregnancy and are sleeping.

or

you cna tell her that since she blew you off to be with her boyfirend, its time you are choosing your baby over the friendship opr somethging

she sounds like an obsessive person either way. also very immature.

she needs to be told one way or another whether its politely (if you want to be friends with her again) or rudely if you want to blow her off completely

Message edited 3/7/2007 1:04:52 PM.

Re: My friend is a stalker!

I dont have patience for persistent people. I'd just come out and say "listen, I'll call you back when I can.....I have a lot of things going on right now with preparing for the baby to come". And you can also add "you dont have to call my every phone until I pick up".

End of Story! No need to feel bad about it.

Re: My friend is a stalker!

The only thing I can say is that for a while you should blow her off completely--not just let her come over less or talk on the phone less. She is needy and she has to figure out what to do instead of annoying you. I am not sure what you should say to her first, if anything.

Re: My friend is a stalker!

ugh! time to say goodbye

Re: My friend is a stalker!

So my friend called several times yesterday. I didnt answer the phone, figured she would get the hint I am busy. Today she already called at 9:15 this morning and just called again at 10:15. Let's the answering machine play and than hangs up I know I am pregnant, cranky and tired. But this is ridiculous.

Re: My friend is a stalker!

I have a friend like that. I totally understand where your coming from! I would say blow her off completely, however, I'm not one to "burn my bridges" so to speak. There are ways to blow her off without being too harsh. (Although I know people like that deserve it!)

I would start spending less time with her, whether it's by cutting your conversations a little shorter, or by making yourself less available to hang out. _ Keep doing this & eventually she will get the hint. If she doesn't , talk to your friend about how you feel. Tell her straight out! It's likely that she won't take it well, but eventually she will realize that things aren't working out on her own!! If she gets about that or try to bad-mouth you, simply cut the lines of communication COMPLETELY!!!. If your most sincere efforts to guard herfeelings are rewarded with hostility then they are only validating your request to break things off.

By that time... her boyfriend will be back and she will be in la la land with him once again


Good luck!

Message edited 3/8/2007 10:42:31 AM.