My horrid mother in law...

DH and I tend to argue around holidays because of the usual "where are we going" which meal, dinner or cake and coffee, crapola.

Long story short MIL is awful to me. DH admits she can be very nasty to me for no reason and I have NEVER done anything rude or otherwise to her, which he also admits. Lately she has been more agressive in her nasty ways and I know she bad mouths me to everyone because at DC Christening her best friend came up to me and made a comment about how much "stuff" our son has and how my family always buys him things and she never EVER saw a baby with so much stuff, and why does he need it all? I'd like to knwo what the he!! she was talking about and how she could knwo what he has since A. she's never been to our home and B. we've seen her twice for 5 mins at a time since he was born!

I know MIL must say that to everyone... once someone was asking me about something I registered for, and whether or not I like it (they were in the process of registering) and I said I registered for it but no one bought it. MIL said "YOu mean you registered for something and didn't get it! I'm shocked, you get everything you want! "

DH was there and said nothing...huge fight!

I really think I;m done with his family all together and I'm so sick of dreading all the holidays and having to see her...I want to look forward to what are suposed to be happy days in ife. I think I need to cut her out of MY life for my own sanity or I really think DH and I will end up divorced.

There is more to it than just what I mentioned. When I had DS she came to the hospital after my c section the first night I was there at 8:00 pm with everyone she friggin knows (her neighbors etc), meanwhile I don;t know these people I'm throwing up, can't walk and have a cathether and am learning how to nurse our son. She was po'd that I had to feed the baby and wouldn;t do it in front of everyone and felt I was rude to her"guests" that brought gifts for DS and should have let them in the room. DH sent them all home. Meanwhile she had already been up to the room three times that day and stayed for an hour at a time. You think she would have given a sh!t that I was in pain. No, she thinks I had it easy because I had a scheduled c sect.

Sorry for the long vent, I just can;t be around this woman anymore and I know I'm in a lose lose situation.

Re: My horrid mother in law...

I don't have children yet but I lurk on this board. DH & I are are TTC this fall & I worry about everyone else around us.

You sound like a really strong person - GO WITH YOUR GUT! Don't let other people get in the way of what you know is right for you & your child.

Re: My horrid mother in law...

sounds pretty similar. They ruined my whole pregnancy and delivery and aftermath and I cried for days after I had dd. I wanted them away. Guess what...now they are away and I look back and say why the heck did I let them control me that first week and during the pregnancy. They also thought they could do anything and say anything. I also resent dh to this day for not telling them off. I was the peacemaker at the time and didnt want trouble. Now that they dont see us its sooooo peaceful. I was posting on here days after the delivery of how miserable it was and everyone told me to lock my doors and get them out. When I did I felt so much better.

Re: My horrid mother in law...

Good Lord, what a nightmare!! Why such hostility and obnoxiousness? Jeez!

I really feel bad for you and some of the other ladies here with some of these IL stories - I can't even imagine being treated so rudely (to say the least!)

Sorry

Re: My horrid mother in law...

I feel so badly for you. That's just awful. And the fact that DH won't stand up for you makes it even worse. I think you are absolutely justified in cutting her out of your life. She's a fool because she doesn't realize that you are the key to her seeing her grandchild. I hope something changes for you soon.

Message edited 4/7/2007 3:34:05 PM.

Re: My horrid mother in law...

Posted by SuzyQ

I fell so badly for you. That's just awful. And the fact that DH won't stand up for you makes it even worse. I think you are absolutely justified in cutting her out of your life. She's a fool because she doesn't realize that you are the key to her seeing her grandchild. I hope something changes for you soon.

Re: My horrid mother in law...

You need to take yourself out of this situation. I was estranged from my husband's family for over 10 years. They got p**ssed off at me for some reason (I still don't know what it is) and started treating me like I was less than human. I just stopped being around them. If my husband wanted to see them on holidays and special occasions and wanted to bring the girls, fine by me. However, I don't go where I am not wanted and no one has the right to treat me as they did. I don't what changed, but, it seems that now I am the greatest thing since sliced bread. I don't hold any grudges and life goes on. His mother, however, was the biggest loser in all of this. She missed out on the opportunity to know her granddaughters and to see them grow up. They, truly, have no feelings for her one way or another and that is so sad. She blew it. Don't get me wrong. These are not evil people; just stupid ones.

No one has the right to treat you disrespectfully. The only one who can change this is you. I wish you all the best.

Re: My horrid mother in law...

I hope you stand up for yourself. MIL has no right to treat you like that and you deserve respect. She sounds like she is jealous of you or something.

Re: My horrid mother in law...

Cut her out of YOUR life and if it were me, I would cut her out of my childs life too.

What DH decides to do is his choice, its his mother, but for YOUR sanity, get away from her.

Re: My horrid mother in law...

I can relate to MIL stories...

I think that any negative behavior around you and your child/family should be squashed immediately. If you feel the need to seperate you from your MIL, then do it. If your dh isn't standing up for you, then you have to open your mouth. Don't let that woman walk all over you. Your dh's main concern right now is you and his child. If MIL is going to be rude and disrespectful....then she needs to shape up or ship out.

Message edited 4/7/2007 3:53:13 PM.

Re: My horrid mother in law...

Thanks everyone and Happy Easter, sorry I'm posting back so late. DH took the baby to their house and I'm having my family over today ONLY! I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, as least for today.

Re: My horrid mother in law...

Posted by JennyGirl

I hope you stand up for yourself. MIL has no right to treat you like that and you deserve respect. She sounds like she is jealous of you or something.

Re: My horrid mother in law...

I could have written this post- including ALL of my inlaws in my hospital room, while I was vomiting/catheter/in a drug induced stupor. My Dh & I didn't think to say anything- we were totally numb from the birth. My MIL even held my DD BEFORE I did because of the shape I was in. I have had too many run ins with her- and DH was such a wuss when it came to dealing with her. I bought the book "Toxic In-Laws" from Amazon which helped A LOT. It helped me be prepared for the attacks from my MIL. She has gotten a little better- as soon as I put her in her place- but she still has a major attitude with me. The book helped me to see things differently and to be more prepared for the venom.

Re: My horrid mother in law...

I can relate. My MIL is not a bad person in any way, she just doesn[t know her place and says things that are very inapropriate.

Re: My horrid mother in law...

My IL's said some VERY nasty things about me in an e-mail that was sent to me by accident. This happened last July and none of them have even attempted to apologize to me.
I am 100% done with them and my children will never be subjected to the chance they will over hear them talk bad about me.

We have not seen them in just about a year. Last time was at my sons 1st b-day which is this month. My husband agrees with me and has had minimal contact with them as welll.

Do what you feel comfortable with. I don't need toxic people in my life like that.