My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

My Mom lives in Florida and keeps NAGGING me to bring the baby down. My DD is 4 1/2 months old.

1. She just wants me and the baby (wants quality time with us...so basically saying, leave my DH home). I am not comfortable traveling with DD and not him.

2. She keeps saying how we'd have to bring the baby to her job to "show her off" and how everyone wants to hold her and kiss her. NO way! First, my DD won't have that....she's TOO fussy with strangers.

3. My mom has 2 dogs & smokes....grrrr... need i say more.

Please help me feel better about NOT wanting to go!

How do I tell her without hurting her feelings that I just DON't want to, without listing all my reasons?

If she would just come up here (which she has 2 or 3 times since the baby) she'd be able to see my brother, their daughter and my sister.

Help!

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

Personally, yes I think you are be unreasonable. She is your mom, she is excited to "show her off" she's the grandma thats what she is supposed to do. Im sure she really doesn't want you to leave DH home. Im sure its fine to bring him. As far as her smoking, tell her don't do it around the baby. Dogs, well lots of people have dogs and kids. They seem to fine. And JMHO keeping your child away from strangers is only going to cause more issues down the road. My DS is just now FINALLY coming around to others. It was hell living away from people. I couldn't go to the bathroom without him when we got back to NY. Now he is good.

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

I may be the minority, but I dont think your being unreasonable. I personally wouldnt want to travel alone with a 4 mth old. I was pretty anal about bringing my DD around too many strangers/germs in the beginning too so I probably wouldnt let all of her work people "hold and kiss" her.

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

I would probably feel the same as you if I was in that situation-- and I think it's unfair of your mom to bug you about it to the extent where you can't take it-- although her expressing her desire for you visit is completely understandable.

You need to do it when you feel comfortable flying with a baby, etc. Some people have a much easier time getting up and going with a baby-- others don't. If you are not ready, you aren't.

When the time comes when you are comfortable-- you need to set guidelines with her-- with the smoking, dogs and strangers. I am sure she will bend over backwards to make it comfortable for you when you finally decide you are ready for a visit.

Just make sure she understands your feelings.

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

Posted by dawnygirl25

I may be the minority, but I dont think your being unreasonable. I personally wouldnt want to travel alone with a 4 mth old. I was pretty anal about bringing my DD around too many strangers/germs in the beginning too so I probably wouldnt let all of her work people "hold and kiss" her.

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

Personally I would go down now before flu season starts. And I would stay in a hotel and bring dh. I would not feel comfortable traveling without dh either. and I would not want to stay in the smoke filled house. She can say she won't smoke around the baby but it is still in the carpets, curtains and even the walls. I hate the smell of smoke and try my best not to expose ds to it.

I understand you not wanting to travel alone to the smoke house and have all those strangers have their hands on your child. But I would do it now to get it out of the way. I bring my ds to my moms office all the time since she works at my peds office. But I make sure only people I know touch him and no one kisses him. Too many germs but I admit I am quite the germaphobe.

If you really feel strongly about not going then don't. The perfect reason would be not wanting to bring the baby on the plane with the swine flu scares going on. It may make you seem over protective but who can argue with keeping your child safe

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

I am super anal about people smoking around DD. My brother and sister both smoke and they both know that they are not allowed anywhere near her until they shower or change and wash their hands.

That being said, if she smoked in the house there is no way I would stay there.

As far as the other issues, I think it's natural for your mom to want to bring her in to work, although maybe keeping her in a stroller would be a good idea.

Unless the dogs are wild and nippy, that wouldnt bug me.

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

I dont think your being unreasonable its your child and you have the right to feel the way you do. But so does your mom. Shes a new grandma and of course she super excitted about her new grandchild. Feel very Lucky that shes like this. I would just have a heart to heart with her explaining how you feel. Shes also a mom so she will understand your worrying. I would try and get there tho, but maybe you can set a time when your DH could travel with you to ease your anxiety about.

Good Luck!!!

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

Thanks everyone, I appreciate your input.

=)

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

I don't think it's unreasonable at all.

Why do you have to go through all this hassle?

She wants you to come down so it's convenient for HER, she can show her grandkid to the offfice.

I would not travel with such a young child unless I had too. Plane by yourself with an infant. All the gear, bottles, etc.. Of course she prefers for you to come without DH on top of that. Because you don't need help, really!!!

For the hassle I would pay her ticket for her to visit you.

In regards to smoking, my step dad does and he only smokes outside. I don't even let him have DS until the "gases" have done away after a few minutes.

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

i think you need to compromise. you and your mom are both being slightly unreasonable

because your mom has already come up a few times, this time you should go WITH your DH and your DD.

stay in a hotel. if your mom insists on smoking in the home, refuse to go to her home and meet at a neutral location. even if she doesn't smoke around the baby i wouldn't stay with her because everything probably smells like smoke (if she smokes in the house).

the dogs shouldn't be an issue unless they are aggressive.

and of course your mom should be able to show off the baby to her friends and co-workers but set the ground rules early. if you don't want them holding her or touching her, let your mom know in advance. and don't back down!

i would go once, try it out. if it doesn't work, you don't have to do it again.

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

If your mom has come up to see you, you should go see her.

I am in the same situation.

My mother begs me endlessly to go to NY.

So, I go. It is a hassle. But he's her baby, she loves taking him for walks so people can see the kid she is always talking about. and I mean everyone.

Our first trip up was at 3 mos, then 4.5, then 6 mos.

The smoking is a no go with me. She would have to start smoking outside now if I am going to be coming in the future.

Dogs...ehh...not a real fan. Tell her to keep them away.

DH...mine only goes up with me maybe once a year. The rest are solo trips..because it is true..if I go with him, he is never content with visiting my family, he plans trips while we are there, taking baby from my mother.

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

Posted by headoverheels

i think you need to compromise. you and your mom are both being slightly unreasonable

because your mom has already come up a few times, this time you should go WITH your DH and your DD.

stay in a hotel. if your mom insists on smoking in the home, refuse to go to her home and meet at a neutral location. even if she doesn't smoke around the baby i wouldn't stay with her because everything probably smells like smoke (if she smokes in the house).

the dogs shouldn't be an issue unless they are aggressive.

and of course your mom should be able to show off the baby to her friends and co-workers but set the ground rules early. if you don't want them holding her or touching her, let your mom know in advance. and don't back down!

i would go once, try it out. if it doesn't work, you don't have to do it again.

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

I have to agree that its your turn to go see her.
I would be staying in a hotel WITH DH though...I would NOTwant to travel with a 4month old by myself.
Your mom should understand that DH will be with you.
You both really need to compromise.

If my mom were still around (she was my Best friend), you better believe we'd work it out.
My mom knew I was pregnant, but, sadly, never got to meet DD before she passed.

Tell her flat out.."If you want us to come, this is what its going to be"...

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

Instead of telling her why you don't want to go, maybe think about what would make you willing to go. For me, it would be along these lines:

DH is coming - too much for me to handle alone

stay at a hotel so DS isn't around the smoke

If she wants quality time with the baby, you and DH can go out to dinner or do a few things, so she gets to spend some time alone with the baby.

I'd let her take the baby to the office. I'd tell her I don't want them slobbering all over the baby, but is everyone really going to do that? I know when I brought my DS to the office while on leave, no one was trying to do that. One, it's not a baby they know well, and second, it's not really the environment for that kind of affection.

Unless, of course, you don't want to fly at all with the baby, then I would just tell her I don't want to bring the baby on a plane, but as soon as I am comfortable with it, I will bring him.

Re: My Mom is NAGGING me....I am being unreasonable?

Posted by mamabear

Posted by headoverheels

i think you need to compromise. you and your mom are both being slightly unreasonable

because your mom has already come up a few times, this time you should go WITH your DH and your DD.

stay in a hotel. if your mom insists on smoking in the home, refuse to go to her home and meet at a neutral location. even if she doesn't smoke around the baby i wouldn't stay with her because everything probably smells like smoke (if she smokes in the house).

the dogs shouldn't be an issue unless they are aggressive.

and of course your mom should be able to show off the baby to her friends and co-workers but set the ground rules early. if you don't want them holding her or touching her, let your mom know in advance. and don't back down!

i would go once, try it out. if it doesn't work, you don't have to do it again.

ITA with this