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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
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Marisa
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by rojerono
A lot of people are NOT connected to a pregnancy. It's not 'real' until the baby is born.
If he wrote this or still felt upset AFTER the twins were born, I might feel differently - but right now I take it as the unfortunate truth of a man who is freaking out about the way his life is about to change. And he's got good reason.. twice the money, half the sleep. But they will adapt, they will adjust. They didn't go through with reduction - he's just expressing his fears. And I guarantee he's NOT the only person to ever feel this way in the history of forever..
I agree - he's just the one who wrote it down and SAID out loud what other people would never say b/c you 'shouldn't feel this way and you 'should' feel that way ........
I personally wouldn't put things out there like that, b/c to me, those are PERSONAL feelings - but I don't think he's a terrible person for having those feelings/fears
Message edited 5/7/2013 3:33:50 PM.
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Posted 5/7/13 3:31 PM  |
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hope123
LIF Adult
Member since 2/08 1097 total posts
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by maybebaby
I don't think this persons "feelings" need sympathy from anyone...I think he is a giant child himself. Why did they even venture into the world of infertility treatments only to be completely upset with the outcome which is TWO HEALTHY BABIES.
He disgusts me.
Another example of a "me, me me" world. Sorry. I don't feel for him or his wife. God help them should either of these babies end up sick...instances like poor Baby Easton..or other babies struggling to get through life. they should be counting their blessings, because if the worst life can throw at you is a few healthy kids you are damn lucky!!!
ITA. I twent through infertility treatments for years and after 6 years since we started trying to have a bay, we don't have a baby. I wouldn't mind raising twins in a one bedroom apartment if I am lucky enough to get pregnant.
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| Posted 5/7/13 3:36 PM |
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IVFmiracle
Complete
Member since 12/12 4088 total posts
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
I just hope they these parents don't ever let these boys know how they felt about them.
If they can't get over this by the time they are born perhaps they should consider adoption.
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| Posted 5/7/13 3:40 PM |
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Merf99
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3380 total posts
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
I find this article to be gross - no matter if it's his true feelings or not. If you go through IVF, plant embryo's and then be pissed you got twins? What is wrong with you?
I seriously think these parents should give those twins up for adoption to a family who would give anything to have not one, but 2 babies in their home - even if they live in a 1 bedroom NYC apt.
*********!
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| Posted 5/7/13 4:44 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by IVFmiracle
I just hope they these parents don't ever let these boys know how they felt about them.
If they can't get over this by the time they are born perhaps they should consider adoption.
But those were his feelings at a snapshot in time. Who's to say he feels like that the next day the next week or the next year.
I have a friend who had an oops and battled with not wanting to be pregnant for most of her pregnancy. While she didn't plan it we are all adults and if you have sex you know it's a possibility. Is she a horrible person because she had those feeling. No she loves her daughter now. And maybe this couple has come to terms with everything.
Who are we to judge other people.
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| Posted 5/7/13 4:54 PM |
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meloyellow
LIF Adult
Member since 3/13 1843 total posts
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by alli3131
Posted by IVFmiracle
I just hope they these parents don't ever let these boys know how they felt about them.
If they can't get over this by the time they are born perhaps they should consider adoption.
But those were his feelings at a snapshot in time. Who's to say he feels like that the next day the next week or the next year.
I have a friend who had an oops and battled with not wanting to be pregnant for most of her pregnancy. While she didn't plan it we are all adults and if you have sex you know it's a possibility. Is she a horrible person because she had those feeling. No she loves her daughter now. And maybe this couple has come to terms with everything.
Who are we to judge other people.
considering he gave them nicknames of "free" and "extra" I'm gonna take a guess this is not just a "snapshot" of that very moment. Also...this is very much not an oops...this is planning and thousands of dollars spent just to TRY to have this happen. No comparison.
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| Posted 5/7/13 5:09 PM |
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by gina409
I have twins via ivf
I went through hell to get them
I think of the 3 babies before this we lost
This guy is a piece of shit. I have zero compassion for him
This is not about being shocked you are having twins or saying I am scared it will be hard
The things he said are disturbing
Being a parent is hard no matter what,this guy is the personification of you have no idea how lucky you are and thank your lucky stars instead of woe is me
The article actually made me feel sick to my stomach
I completely agree, I have no sympathy for this assshole.
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| Posted 5/7/13 5:37 PM |
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by alli3131
Posted by IVFmiracle
I just hope they these parents don't ever let these boys know how they felt about them.
If they can't get over this by the time they are born perhaps they should consider adoption.
But those were his feelings at a snapshot in time. Who's to say he feels like that the next day the next week or the next year.
I have a friend who had an oops and battled with not wanting to be pregnant for most of her pregnancy. While she didn't plan it we are all adults and if you have sex you know it's a possibility. Is she a horrible person because she had those feeling. No she loves her daughter now. And maybe this couple has come to terms with everything.
Who are we to judge other people.
But they WILLINGLY chose to do IVF. And put back 2 embryos. Hello, what the hell did they think could happen?
And he took TIME to write this disgusting article. This wasn't a snapshot. This was a laundry list of complaints about the children he PAID a doctor to give him.
God bless those poor kids.
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| Posted 5/7/13 5:38 PM |
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by alli3131
Posted by IVFmiracle
I just hope they these parents don't ever let these boys know how they felt about them.
If they can't get over this by the time they are born perhaps they should consider adoption.
But those were his feelings at a snapshot in time. Who's to say he feels like that the next day the next week or the next year.
I have a friend who had an oops and battled with not wanting to be pregnant for most of her pregnancy. While she didn't plan it we are all adults and if you have sex you know it's a possibility. Is she a horrible person because she had those feeling. No she loves her daughter now. And maybe this couple has come to terms with everything.
Who are we to judge other people.
If he didn't put It on the interwebs for all the world to see we wouldn't be judging him. He brought this on himself.
Your friend confided in you... she didn't submit an article to the Huffington Post! That's different.
My husband and I are also going through infertility treatments, and since there is an increased likelihood of twins, we discussed it as a family. Sure, we'd be nervous and scared, but we would never write such an article -- we would express our fears to each other and work through them... If I needed to write about it, I'd write it on paper the old fashioned way, and then throw it out once I vented my feelings.
No one needs to know what someone is thinking 100% of the time. Social media has convinced people to have a voice... even when they shouldn't.
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| Posted 5/7/13 5:43 PM |
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twobabies
Praying
Member since 7/05 9662 total posts
Name:
Mrs. Honeybee
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
WOW,i don't even know what to say. But as a twin myself, I found this extremely disturbing.
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| Posted 5/7/13 5:48 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
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:)
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Eh. Just another asss like so many other parents out there.
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| Posted 5/7/13 5:54 PM |
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
When I first read this I was disgusted. When I read it again I realized this man was not justifying or making excuses for his feelings. He is scared and like many men when scared, he is expressing it very negatively and immaturely. A moment of ultimate panic. My feeling is that after they are born and the first stressful months pass he won't feel this way at all.
As hurtful as this is to women dealing with IF, I am sure many have felt the way he does(maybe not to the extreme) and are ashamed to admit it. I bet most of them become doting, loving parents.
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| Posted 5/7/13 6:40 PM |
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
I'm not offended by the article as many on here are, probably because I am CF and proud of it, and can relate somewhat to the feelings of fear and trepidation that being a new parent bestows on one's psyche.
However, I'm willing to bet that he won't feel this way once the twins are born, and I'm also willing to bet that the wife is the one who pushed for the double embryo implantation and going for multiple IVF even though their finances are tight (1 bdrm apt and already parents of a 3 yr old). Many times, the father-to-be is more resentful at being forced to be a parent...and this is what screams to me more, than what the reality is..if the mother wrote this article, I imagine the outcry would be even worse...lets face it, how many guys get married, knock up their wives only to realize babies require more time, money and energy that they ever imagined? Hence why you hear more stories about fathers "abandoning" their kids than mothers. I am curious to learn more about the dynamic between this guy and his wife...how much more did his wife want kids ? To me, it seems like he knew going for round 2 of IVF was a mistake but went along with it anyway to please the wifey....heh...iTypical husband. 
Message edited 5/7/2013 7:46:08 PM.
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| Posted 5/7/13 7:44 PM |
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MrsA1012
love my little girl !
Member since 9/10 5777 total posts
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Me
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by meloyellow
Posted by alli3131
Posted by IVFmiracle
I just hope they these parents don't ever let these boys know how they felt about them.
If they can't get over this by the time they are born perhaps they should consider adoption.
But those were his feelings at a snapshot in time. Who's to say he feels like that the next day the next week or the next year.
I have a friend who had an oops and battled with not wanting to be pregnant for most of her pregnancy. While she didn't plan it we are all adults and if you have sex you know it's a possibility. Is she a horrible person because she had those feeling. No she loves her daughter now. And maybe this couple has come to terms with everything.
Who are we to judge other people.
considering he gave them nicknames of "free" and "extra" I'm gonna take a guess this is not just a "snapshot" of that very moment. Also...this is very much not an oops...this is planning and thousands of dollars spent just to TRY to have this happen. No comparison.
Exactly. Also, look at the way he describes his 3 year old son. Obviously, kids can be tough at times, but the tone of negativity is overwhelming.
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| Posted 5/7/13 8:14 PM |
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Chatham-Chick
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Member since 5/05 10311 total posts
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
I didn't find the article all that offensive. (FWW, I have 3 little ones with another on the way.)
He's entitled to his opinion and I don't think his opinions, concerns and fears are any less valid than someone else's.
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| Posted 5/7/13 8:20 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
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g
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by TuttsyLow
When I first read this I was disgusted. When I read it again I realized this man was not justifying or making excuses for his feelings. He is scared and like many men when scared, he is expressing it very negatively and immaturely. A moment of ultimate panic. My feeling is that after they are born and the first stressful months pass he won't feel this way at all.
As hurtful as this is to women dealing with IF, I am sure many have felt the way he does(maybe not to the extreme) and are ashamed to admit it. I bet most of them become doting, loving parents.
See but that's the thing. You are comparing two totally diff scenarios
Someone having a shock they are pregnant and then bigger shot it's twins being scared and freaked out is not the same as someone doing ivf and putting back 2 embryos then pissed off it's twins
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| Posted 5/7/13 8:21 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
And they call us CF'ers selfish!!
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| Posted 5/7/13 9:18 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by Chatham-Chick
I didn't find the article all that offensive. (FWW, I have 3 little ones with another on the way.)
He's entitled to his opinion and I don't think his opinions, concerns and fears are any less valid than someone else's.
See, but writing about fears and the unknown and even a bit of possible regret is one thing..
But when he wrote that they hoped for a genetic anomaly so reducing would be OK in their minds, THAT is where I felt that his views and feelings went out the window. It's just a heartless and frankly completely awful thing to say.
The amount of people in this world who would give anything to hear "the baby is healthy", but who won't is heartwrenching. And not only does this jerk have those thoughts, but he writes them for others to read. I just find it disgusting.
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| Posted 5/7/13 9:26 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
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I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by Chatham-Chick
I didn't find the article all that offensive. (FWW, I have 3 little ones with another on the way.)
Congratulations!
As far as the article, I won't read it. I can't imagine my life without my girls and can't imagine making them feel unwanted.
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| Posted 5/7/13 9:42 PM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
He is certainly entitled, but hell, I am TOTALLY going to judge him for it. I am, and I don't care.
Im sorry, being scared and nervous, anxious or whatever DOES NOT go hand in hand with wishing one had a genetic abnormality so you could terminate one. That is sick.
TOTALLY STANDING IN JUDGEMENT ON THIS ONE. Had he NOT said that, I may have felt less "judgey".
Message edited 5/7/2013 9:56:41 PM.
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| Posted 5/7/13 9:52 PM |
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Ookpik
LIF Adolescent
Member since 3/06 726 total posts
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Stopped reading at the genetic abnormality portion. I lost my son in January to Trisomy 18. He would have been my 3rd child and was the product of infertility treatments and VERY wanted.
This person is a sad, sad excuse for a life. I hope these children never find out about this. I'm sure they will someday.
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| Posted 5/7/13 9:55 PM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by Ookpik
Stopped reading at the genetic abnormality portion. I lost my son in January to Trisomy 18. He would have been my 3rd child and was the product of infertility treatments and VERY wanted.
This person is a sad, sad excuse for a life. I hope these children never find out about this. I'm sure they will someday.
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| Posted 5/7/13 9:56 PM |
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Chatham-Chick
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Member since 5/05 10311 total posts
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by saraH
Posted by Chatham-Chick
I didn't find the article all that offensive. (FWW, I have 3 little ones with another on the way.)
Congratulations!
As far as the article, I won't read it. I can't imagine my life without my girls and can't imagine making them feel unwanted.
Do I sense a bit of snark? (That's sarcasm on my end by the way.) Have I offended you by not being offended? LOL Or the fact that I stated whether I had children or not (as many other posters did in this thread)?
How can you even comment on anything without even reading the article???
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| Posted 5/7/13 10:52 PM |
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2BadSoSad
LIF Adult
Member since 8/12 6791 total posts
Name:
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by Chatham-Chick
Posted by saraH
Posted by Chatham-Chick
I didn't find the article all that offensive. (FWW, I have 3 little ones with another on the way.)
Congratulations!
As far as the article, I won't read it. I can't imagine my life without my girls and can't imagine making them feel unwanted.
Do I sense a bit of snark? (That's sarcasm on my end by the way.) Have I offended you by not being offended? LOL Or the fact that I stated whether I had children or not (as many other posters did in this thread)?
How can you even comment on anything without even reading the article???
I think bc you said you had one on the way....or, I am completely misinterpreting the tone of BOTH of your posts, in which case, ignore me.
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| Posted 5/7/13 10:57 PM |
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Chatham-Chick
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Member since 5/05 10311 total posts
Name:
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Re: My Wife Is Expecting Twins and I Am Not Happy About It
Posted by 2BadSoSad
Posted by Chatham-Chick
Posted by saraH
Posted by Chatham-Chick
I didn't find the article all that offensive. (FWW, I have 3 little ones with another on the way.)
Congratulations!
As far as the article, I won't read it. I can't imagine my life without my girls and can't imagine making them feel unwanted.
Do I sense a bit of snark? (That's sarcasm on my end by the way.) Have I offended you by not being offended? LOL Or the fact that I stated whether I had children or not (as many other posters did in this thread)?
How can you even comment on anything without even reading the article???
I think bc you said you had one on the way....or, I am completely misinterpreting the tone of BOTH of your posts, in which case, ignore me.
Because I have one on the way?? For real? Again, I see people stating in this thread their status (whether CF, doing IVF, having twins, being a twin, having kids, etc.) so yes, I added my "FWIW." So why should I be called on that? Is everybody else some how entitled to an opinion and I'm not? Or am I supposed to automatically be offended and disturbed because I am expecting?
Message edited 5/7/2013 11:09:28 PM.
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| Posted 5/7/13 11:08 PM |
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