Naughty but Funny

THE PENIS WANTS A RAISE
> >
> > I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for
> > the following reasons:
> >
> > 1. -------- I do physical labor.
> >
> > 2. ------- I work at great depths.
> >
> > 3. ------- I plunge head first into everything I do.
> >
> > 4. ------- I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
> >
> > 5. --------I work in a damp environment.
> >
> > 6. -------I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
> >
> > 7. ------- I work in high temperatures.
> >
> > 8. -------My work exposes me to diseases.
> >
> > Reply:
> >
> > Dear Penis,
> > After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you
>have raised, the management denies your request for the following
>reasons:
> >
> > 1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
> >
> > 2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work period.
> >
> > 3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
> >
> > 4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations.
> >
> > 5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
> >
> > 6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
> >
> > 7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
> >
> > 8. You will retire LONG before you are 65.
> >
> > 9. You are unable to work double shifts.
> >
> > 10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
> >
> > 11. And if that were not all, you have constantly been seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
> >
> > Sincerely, The Management
> >
> >
> > Five reasons not to be a penis:

> > 1. You're bald your whole life.

> > 2. You have a hole in your head.

> > 3. Your neighbors are nuts.

> > 4. The guy behind you is an *** hole and...

> > 5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint