Need advice - playdate issue

So, my 4 year old son had his first play date at our house today. We don't get to do a lot of play dates because I'm a working mommy and if he does have a play date, it's at the other person's house or we meet somewhere because I have dogs.

He was invited over to his friend's house a couple of weeks ago for a playdate and the mother said they were all fine with dogs so we invited them over today. I wasn't home but DH was home and MIL was there to take care of the twins.

I just got the report from DH and it didn't go so well. DS threw a major temper tantrum when his friend tried to play with some of his toys. He ran upstairs and was crying and saying he wanted his friend to go home. He got over it and came back down but it didn't last long and the same thing happened again. At that point, it was time to say goodbye.

Now, DH said that they had been at the house for almost 2 hours at the time of the meltdown. Before that they were fine. I'm still concerned though because last week when my niece was over, he acted this way too. Saying he hated her and wanted her to go home after she tried playing with one of his toys (coincidentaly - the same toy as mentioned above!)

I feel so bad for this little boy and for my niece. How can I help DS through this? He was soooo excited for his little friend to come over.

We've talked to him about being nice and not hurting people's feelings. DH spoke to him today about how his friend was over to play with him, etc.

Should I call the mom and apologize???

Sorry so long but I don't want DS treating people like this. He's fine with sharing so long as he's not sharing HIS things. He's even like this with the twins and we've been trying to get him to share more.

Re: Need advice - playdate issue

I have no experience with this yet... Liam is too young. but, maybe two hours is too long for him? Or maybe that specific toy should be put away when guests are over?

Re: Need advice - playdate issue

I think its fairly normal for children that age to get terretorial (sp), so try not to feel too bad...

Also, kids tend to have a time limit I find....2 hours seems like a short time to adults but to a child its pretty long !
I think it's one of the reasons kids birthday parties are 1.5 hours when you have them at a place


Maybe next time try to cut the playdate a bit shorter and go through the house with your DS beforehand and put aside any "special" toys that he would like not to share with...

Was the child visibally upset when he left ? If not, I probably wouln't think an apology is necessary...Kids are used to this...In addition to doing daycare for many years and having a 4.5 year old DS of my own (who I volunteer at his pre- school on a pretty regular basis) , its not all that unusual

Re: Need advice - playdate issue

Kids definitely have a playdate time limit. After that it's too much. As for the particular toy, maybe put it away during playdates and say, you can play with this later.
But, it's fairly normal to have meltdowns when first learning to share. Just keep encouraging.

Re: Need advice - playdate issue

I think it's totally normal and 2 hours was probably past his limit. I know my DD is 3 1/2 and after 2 hours, she is done. I would keep them shorter and keep doing them - the only way he'll learn to share his toys is if other kids play with them. But I would take a few of the toys and tell him they are his special toys and to put them away before the playdate.

DD acts the same way sometimes so don't feed bad!

Re: Need advice - playdate issue

Thank you all for the advice. When I was typing out the post I thought about the time limit and I called and asked DH how long they were together before the meltdown. I'm hoping that had a lot to do with it.

I like the idea of going around the house and putting away special toys. Like I said, it was the same toy at issue both times - his guitar!

I'll ask DH how the parents were when they left to see if I should do damage control or not!

THANKS!!!

Re: Need advice - playdate issue

I think its totally normal as well. I keep my playdates to 90 minutes, because I find that iswhat they can handle.

Also, prior to each playdate I used to ask my dd what she did not want to share. I would put those few toys in a bag in the closet. This takes the pressure off and dc knows that they have chosen to share the toys that are left out. As time went on I found her looking to share the very toys we put away. Then we no longer needed to do this anymore and playdates are definately getting stronger.
GL!

Re: Need advice - playdate issue

I would call the mom to explain what happened (in case the other kid talks) & explain that you're easing him into playdates at your house.

I would also take this as a sign to have more playdates rather than less. My daughter had a playmate that was very similar & instead of being understanding the kids at pre-school referred the the girl as "the mean one". Having an older kid say "if you don't share, I can't play with you" was helpful.

Re: Need advice - playdate issue

Re: Need advice - playdate issue

DS was like that when we first started having playdates, it's completely normal. The best way to beat it is to set up more playdates. Explain to him beforehand that so-and-so is coming to play. They are his guest and you expect him to share. Tell him beforehand that if there is an issue with a specific toy, that toy will be taken away (just for the duration on the playdate, not permanently.) Otherwise, stress the idea of taking turns. Just because his friend is playing with it doesn't mean that he won't get a turn too.