Need Advice.. God Mother related...

This is the story.. Dh and I were married 3 years ago.. We got married at older ages.. 39 and 45.. When we first got engaged my SIL mentioned that she has been saving for this day and told us about the amount of money she was giving us for our wedding gift.. It was alot of money.. ( the money is actually interest she charged my Dh from money he borrowed when he was a bad boy and in trouble) So her intention was to collect the interest and really never tell him she was saving it for him until this day came.. BTW was so generous because she lost interest on the money and instead gave it to him.. His mom died when he was 19yrs old and she is 9 years older so she was like a mother to him.. Anyway When she told the story about the money we were so grateful.. I want to start this by saying I really love her very much.. She lives in the Bronx and we live in LI.. We only see her for Holidays.. We asked her to be God mother the day she told us about what she did with that money.. I think I was 38 and Dh 44 it was a year before we got married..
Not knowing that IF was going to take over our lives and this would be our only child I was ok with that.. Now things have changed.. I have 2 sisters that I speak to 10x a day.. I NEVER speak to my SIL!! Maybe 3x a year on the phone and see he only for holidays.. How could she be God mother.. I am very spiritual and my Sisters would honor that if God for bid any thing ever happenend to me.. I feel so upset.. I do not think she is right for the job.. yes she is very sweet and generous but my child will never see her.. just like i never see mine!!! I dont just want to pick anyone!!

Do you think I should just forget the fact I asked her and ask my sister or keep her because I have to honor what I said?

If you have gotten this far thank you very much!! sorry so long.. Please dont quote I may delete this..

ETA: I just re read this and I want to add when we asked her it went like this.. " When we have our first child we would want you to be God Mother" So you can better understand.. I just feel I HAVE to ask her again even though it was 4 years ago..

Message edited 11/27/2008 9:00:35 AM.

Re: Need Advice.. God Mother related...

Diana,

I think you should do with what your hearts says. If I were in your shoes, I would hate to have any regrets not choosing one of my sisters.

Good Luck with your decision! I know it is a difficult one, but I think you know what you need to do!

Message edited 11/27/2008 9:03:33 AM.

Re: Need Advice.. God Mother related...

You see my heart says to honor my word and not hurt my SIL.. My MIND is saying my sister!!!

Re: Need Advice.. God Mother related...

Re: Need Advice.. God Mother related...

IMO someone that you rarely speak to would probably understand why you arent asking them. Even though you said that 3 + years ago, things change and you have every right to change your mind, especially being the fact that you really dont speak anymore. Follow your heart, if you feel like you should ask your sister then do that. I am sure this person would understand and I dont think it is something that you have to make a big deal about to that person.

Good luck!

Re: Need Advice.. God Mother related...

Posted by trish71407

IMO someone that you rarely speak to would probably understand why you arent asking them. Even though you said that 3 + years ago, things change and you have every right to change your mind, especially being the fact that you really dont speak anymore. Follow your heart, if you feel like you should ask your sister then do that. I am sure this person would understand and I dont think it is something that you have to make a big deal about to that person.

Good luck!

Re: Need Advice.. God Mother related...

That is a tough one!! I feel very strong about who i chose to be my childs Godparents.. My Godfather (moms brother) was never in my life.. and never talk to him, and his family.. No desire too.. I did not want that for my child. I wanted to make sure who ever I chose to be DCs Godparents would be there for my child 10000000% of the time and my child knew if they couldnt come to their father or I, that they could go to their Godparents. I would say go with your heart.. You may just have to explain how you feel to your sil.. and just let her know its nothing personal but you just feel that you want to make sure your dcs godparents are extremely active in his/her life.

GL

eta: i wouldnt pretend you forgot about sil.. that sounds childish and rude IMO. I would just explain to her how you feel.

Message edited 11/27/2008 10:05:34 AM.

Re: Need Advice.. God Mother related...

Have you talked about this with your husband? Whay are his feeling on this?

I personally wouldn't choose someone based on something that was said 3+years ago. A LOT changes in 3-4years!!!!! I would def go with one of my own sisters- especially since this will be your only child! If your SIL is the person you say she is then I think she'd understand!

Re: Need Advice.. God Mother related...

This is a really tough decision. What does your DH say?

I personally would honor my word. All three women will still be your DC's aunts and will love him/her dearly.

But I agree with the ladies, follow your heart and don't have any regrets.

Re: Need Advice.. God Mother related...

i would DEFINITELY go with your heart.. you will regret it if you dont.. i would go with one of my sisters!

Re: Need Advice.. God Mother related...

Posted by dilb712

Posted by trish71407

IMO someone that you rarely speak to would probably understand why you arent asking them. Even though you said that 3 + years ago, things change and you have every right to change your mind, especially being the fact that you really dont speak anymore. Follow your heart, if you feel like you should ask your sister then do that. I am sure this person would understand and I dont think it is something that you have to make a big deal about to that person.

Good luck!

So you think I should just not mention anything to her and pretend we forgot and ask my sister? I thought about that but I really have so much guilt...

I was also thinking of mentioning it to her and saying I know we asked you to be our childs God mother when we were engaged and we want to honor that.. I hope my child is going to see more of you and I also want to know if you would be able to honor my spiritual beliefs and pass them on to our child? Is that to harsh??

Re: Need Advice.. God Mother related...

Posted by Jen2999

Posted by dilb712

Posted by trish71407

IMO someone that you rarely speak to would probably understand why you arent asking them. Even though you said that 3 + years ago, things change and you have every right to change your mind, especially being the fact that you really dont speak anymore. Follow your heart, if you feel like you should ask your sister then do that. I am sure this person would understand and I dont think it is something that you have to make a big deal about to that person.

Good luck!

So you think I should just not mention anything to her and pretend we forgot and ask my sister? I thought about that but I really have so much guilt...

I was also thinking of mentioning it to her and saying I know we asked you to be our childs God mother when we were engaged and we want to honor that.. I hope my child is going to see more of you and I also want to know if you would be able to honor my spiritual beliefs and pass them on to our child? Is that to harsh??

I wouldnt bring it up. Just choose your sister if you want to. Bringing it up like that might make it even worse.