Need advice re friend using babysitter- FINAL UPDATE

So I need some advice.

My friend's (J) nanny recommended her friend (A) to babysit for us. We have been using her on Saturday nights. It hasn't been too steady- but week by week. We've used her about 10 times.

So J's nanny has left the country and she hired A to be her full time nanny. It turns out she will be using her Sat. nights as well.

I'm a little annoyed. I have been using this woman Sat. nights. I have someone else, but she can't babysit late and we like to go out late. Also, A cleans while we babysit and we really like her.

So what do I do? J e-mailed me and told me that now A will be sitting for her Sat. nights. I want to respond, but I don't know how. I thought maybe we could share her Sat. nighst (every other). Do I have any right to say anything at all since she will be using her all week AND it was her nanny who found her for me?

This is an old friend from childhood. I don't want something like this to get inbetween this. But I am a little annoyed. In fact, she knew we were using her last night, and we have used her often. But still she hired her for Sat. nights without talking to me first.

UPDATE: So my friend and I made a compromise- that we would share her. Now she e-mails me that her DH wants to use her every Sat. night.

So my DH is PIZZED! He thinks they screwed us over. He wants nothing to do with them.

So what do *I* do? Do I tell he rmy DH is ******? Uggh!!! Do I let it blow over? Dh is always very tough- when the other person isn't there. Shoudl I tell DH to talk to her DH since they are friends and she said it was her DH who didn't want to share her?

FINAL UPDATE: Its amazing the miscommunications that occur on e-mail. I called her yesterday to discuss this with her- but we kept missing each other, so we started e-mailing. BIG MISTAKE.

Regarding her comment about J's sleeping with us, she was responding to a comment I made 2 e-mails earlier about Jordana waking up at night. She was thinking of ways Jordana could sleep better, not realzing J's waking up was beacuse she is now in a bed, not a crib.

Regarding the nanny, I understand where she was coming from. But its still upsetting to lose your babysitter. So we talked about it and in a month, we'll start sharing her. She just wants A to get adjusted to her family- which I understand.

Message edited 8/25/2008 7:52:33 PM.

Re: Need advice re friend using babysitter

I think that is rude. I would ask to share her and make sure your both paying her the same amount.

Re: Need advice re friend using babysitter

I think the nanny is in a tough spot. If your friend were smarter, she would have let A handle this on her own.

But, I honestly have to say if I hired A full time and she babysat Sat nights, I would "expect" her to babysit for me. I would also "assume" that A would probably "assume" the same. But, again, I think A should have handled this discussion with you on her own.

BTW I just lost my regular every other Sat night sitter. It sucks!!!

Message edited 8/24/2008 3:11:25 PM.

Re: Need advice re friend using babysitter- UPDATE

Bump for update.

Re: Need advice re friend using babysitter- UPDATE

She should have mentioned it to you particularly because she knew you were using her regularly. However, if you're offering someone a full-time position, I could see wanting the same person for consistency sake.

I would not tell her DH is pizzed off. It will only inflame the situation. I leave it alone but tell DH he has to get over it.

Re: Need advice re friend using babysitter- UPDATE

In essence she just took your sitter because she no longer has hers, then claimed she can't even share because her DH does not want to.

NICE!!!!

I would get a new sitter. I would not be too happy with it though. I think my relationship with this person would be hurt somehow.

Message edited 8/25/2008 4:06:06 PM.

Re: Need advice re friend using babysitter- UPDATE

Re: Need advice re friend using babysitter- UPDATE

I think what she did was downright rude. She introduces you to this nanny and then steals her when she loses her original one? Is this person going to be in their employ full-time or are they just going to be their nanny during the week when needed? If so, it should be left up to the nanny what she wants to do as well. It's almost as if they are saying they are going to use her every Saturday night because they just don't want you guys to have her. That sucks and I would seriously have an issue continuing my friendship with this person on the same level. Also, since you and her made the compromise to share the nanny's services on the weekend, her DH should respect that and just deal with it.

Re: Need advice re friend using babysitter- UPDATE

AND NOW I'M ******!

That friend who just stole my nanny, told me that she spoke to her pediatrician and read an article that children should have their own room by 4 months old. She thinks we should sleep in our tiny livingroom (where we eat and live) so that Jordana can sleep alone.

We live in Manhattan adn couldn't afford a bigger apartment. We were about to move to a 2 bedroom when I found out my job is in jeapordy. So we decided to stay put until I find something new.

I am SHAKING I AM SO MAD!!!

Message edited 8/25/2008 4:46:45 PM.

Re: Need advice re friend using babysitter- UPDATE

DS shared our room until he was 7 months old.

He is fine!!!

We shared the same room when we went on vacation. He was fine!

Re: Need advice re friend using babysitter- UPDATE

I misread the post. I didn't realize she backed out of having the every other night. I thought that was an ideal compromise.

As for the pediatrician, tell him to get some global information. Worldwide, many parents co-sleep (says the woman with a 5 & 6 year old who crawls in her bed).

Ignore her. She's coming off as preachy & before you have a blow out, give yourself some space.

Re: Need advice re friend using babysitter- UPDATE

Message edited 8/25/2008 6:48:44 PM.

Re: Need advice re friend using babysitter- UPDATE

I think that your friend does have a right to offer A a job and to ask A to work the hours that she wants her to work. If A is a good nanny, she deserves the offers. However, your compromise sounded wonderful and her husband should have let it be.

I think there are many children in NYC sleeping in living rooms. A lot depends on the layout of your apartment, too.

Re: Need advice re friend using babysitter- UPDATE

Re: Need advice re friend using babysitter- UPDATE

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by Kerie-is-so-very

I think that your friend does have a right to offer A a job and to ask A to work the hours that she wants her to work. If A is a good nanny, she deserves the offers. However, your compromise sounded wonderful and her husband should have let it be.

I think there are many children in NYC sleeping in living rooms. A lot depends on the layout of your apartment, too.

I agree with Kerie. I mean, you are not offering this woman full time employment, and J is.

Unfortunately, the compromise didn't work out. And honestly, it might not have worked out in a couple of months.

It is stinky, but I am sure you can find someone who suits your needs.