Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

Maybe this should be posted somewhere else, but it kind of involves my kids, so I'm gonna try here 1st.

My ENTIRE family lives within an hour of each other - all on LI and most in Suffolk County.

I hate the struggle of living here. Our mortgage is close to 2 grand a month for a tiny renovate beach house in Rocky Point.

I would love to not work full time and be able to spend just a little more time with my kids, or if I HAVE to work full time, live in a comfy sized house.

The thing is - my entire family is giving me grief and telling me I cant take the kids away from them. We really want to move to Florida, but arent even thinking about doing it for the next 5 years, so we can build up equity in our home. I am trying to tell them how hard it is for us to live here, and they just dont seem to care.

My husband just found out the business he works for is opening another location, but not for 3 or 4 years, and he already mentioned something to his regional director about how he is interested. My mom was here when he was telling me, and she's not too happy. How can I make them see how hard it is for us here. They say we wont be happy being away from all of our family, but we cant know until we try, right?

Message edited 3/31/2007 7:56:15 PM.

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

I think it's slightly selfish for them to give you a hard time. Of course they're not going to be happy if you move, but they should be supportive of you and your DH doing what you feel is best for your family.

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

this is the situation we are in. we have only been in our house about 9 mths but it is just too expensive. my dh makes a good salary and i work part time for the most part with hopes that I get a full time teaching job.

we are seriously considering moving to NC. We are going there in 2 weeks to check it out. they are in need of teachers there, so i can probably get a job no problem. DH has been watching the job market and he will make basically what he is making here. the big difference is our mortgage payment. getting a new house there, our mortgage payment will be cut in half, which is a significant amount.

we really dont want to move away from our families, but what are you going to do? live uncomfortably? as much as i dont want to move away from everyone it is what is best for OUR family.

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

i totally understand this entire post. you have to do what you have to do. DH and i plan on doing the same thing in a few years - its sad but it is just way too expensive to live here these days. i understand why your family doesnt want u to go but you have to do what is best for you and your children. we need to get a house soon and in our area they are well over 600,000 and they are SMALLLLLLLLLLLLL.


eta - its scary how many of us are probably in the same boat...

Message edited 3/31/2007 8:25:20 PM.

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

DH has a job transfer request into GA now for about a year...

I do not want to leave my family- and we continue to try and "make it" here- but realistically I dont see it happening...

I dont want to be away from my mom, and my friends- BUT I really want to be a SAHM and that will never happen here...

Right now I work PT- (Im home by 11:30am everyday) and Id be fine doing that forever- but I know- I could never have that schedule if we owned a home... I just dont see a light at the end of our tunnel if we stay here...

I get sad just thinking about it- but then I remind myself of all the things Id be giving my children (A nice big back yard, a beautiful freshly built home, a mommy who is home with them all the time) and it makes me less sad...

Nothing for us if official (and like I said- they day that transfer comes in- Im gonna CRY MY EYES OUT) Im just going to continue to take it one day at a time... whats meant to be will be... and thats just that!


Just remember- you got to do whats right for you, your family, and most importantly YOUR KIDS... Whats going to make your household happiest??? The rest of your family will be sad- but they'll adjust!

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

Our situation is a little different since we moved out of state temporarily and wound up staying here and having our kids here, while EVERYONE-family and friends live 2 hours away in NY.

IT's rough, and i miss my support system sometimes, and wish my mom/mil was close so she could see their grandchildren, but they do see them on visits, i send tons of pics and video. But as of now, my parents are selling the house on LI, my dad already works up here since last year and my bro wound up marrying a friend of mine from here. You never know what the future brings!

We had to stay in CT, there's so much of a difference here than LI-we love it here-it's less congested, DH has a good job, sales tax/property tax is wayy lower here. I LOVE IT HERE! You couldn't give me money to go back and live on LI and deal with the traffic and congestion.

Do what's best for you! Believe me your family will get over it and it's not like you are moving to Alaska! FL is a 2 hour plane ride away!

Good luck, it's a tough decision

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

I think family is more important that money, I would never leave them unless we all went together, I somewhat agree that without family in a new location you may be very unhappy, but it all depends on the closeness with your family, I just couldnot imagine not having my parents 5 min away to run over when one of my kids started walking. In the end, for ME, family is so much more importan than finances.Good luck, tough decision

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

I live in NJ and my mom is on LI and i think THAT is too far. We don't own a house and we probably won't for some time- that is the trade off- to stay near family, renting an apartment we can afford so we do not have to struggle vs. going somewhere else for a house- but not the support of family around.
i grew up close to my grandma and aunts and uncles and I want the same for my DD so we wouldn't move. However, if your family isn't that tight knit (for example- DH's family all live far and they hardly see each other & don't really have a problem w/ it) then maybe moving would be an option for you.

I wouldn't really worry about it- if it's a few years down the road- things can change- so realy- i'd just take each day as they happen.

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

I moved to California 8 years ago. It was not easy then and now with the new baby its really hard. My family and friends constantly give me grief. But we are happy here and don't want to move back to NY. You have to do what is best for YOUR family now. I am not saying its easy but Florida is way more doable than CA where we live and we all manage to get together pretty often.

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

what a lot of people don't understand is yes, family is more important then money, that's why we moved, so we could actually live together as a family.

Both DH and I commuted to the city, long hours never saw each other. That life would have to continue for us to stay a float in NY. So we packed up, live in NC. I am a SAHM. My salary was missed at first, but we adjusted.

My mother lives her life sick to her stomach. Sometimes she calls 5 times a day, sometimes she goes days without calling because she misses him too much to hear about him.

But, the alternative is putting Josh in daycare, then no one will ever see him. It does make my mother happy to see where I live and the kind of life we give josh.

I was yelled at last night on the phone, I did not give a specific date as to when we will be visiting again, so she did not call me today. I send dvds of him once a week, and email pics almost everyday. I understand what she goes through, at the same point, I actually feel married again and DH gets to hang with us from time to time. No way that would be happening in NY.

So, yes family is important...but what family? The kid's parents...or the kids extended family? Is it more important to have a full time mom then it is to have a part time family scene?

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

I'm sorry to be blunt...but scr@w your family....how dare they! Why SHOULDN'T you want to provide the best possible life for your kids.

I understand they've bonded and would miss you, but why should you continue to struggle if moving would make your lives easier.

My family was behind our relocating all the way (before we even had kids) and it's been the BEST decision of our lives because it was right for US, not for anyone else.

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

Because of my husbands job, we have to stay on LI for the next ten years or so. We're looking at houses out in Ronkonkoma, and being single income, even that is going to be somewhat of a stretch.
Both our families have moved away- mine in RI , his in Fla, and yes, I miss them terribly. It sucks that Maddy doesn't see her grandparents on an everyday, or every week basis- But, they had to do what they had to do. They both have brand new beautiful houses. We're looking at fixer uppers for half the price of what they paid. LI is insanely expensive, if we could get out we would. In fact , we are already planning where we'll go when DH retires. I don't know how middle class does it here on LI.
Your immediate family is your children and husband. Your relatives should not put that guilt on you for trying to make abetter life.

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

We're in the same boat. DH and I want to move to Florida...and I'm trying to convince the rest of my family to come along...and getting grief. DH does not want to move to LI and I really would like to just settle in a house that I love and not have to worry about paying for it.

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG

Listen, I am the first to say that I cannot move away from my family. However, there comes a point where you have to decide what's best for you and your immediate family, which is DH and DC. If that means leaving LI, then that's what you and DH need to do. I think that it all comes from a good place, though. They love you and DH and your children, and I am sure they are incredibly sad to see you considering leaving. I mean, think about it, you and DH are someone else's DC. As my mother explains it to me, no matter how old I get, I am still her child, so being away from me is still just as hard as when I was a little girl. I think that you guys will decide what's best for yourselves, but definitely know that your family just loves you, and that's where they are coming from

Re: Need advice re: moving out of state....LONG