Need help desperately on coping with all the stress?

Ok... I need some suggestions...

As most of you know, my DH and I are having financial issues (for a while now on and off), so let's just say that stress is DEFINITELY there more than ever. I've always complained about how my DH doesn't do much around the house and never really has. Well, the past year I have just been feeling so overwhelmed with everything that is going on with us. Between the money, the house, work, kids, etc. I don't feel like I'm getting the needed help from my DH and have voiced this opinion to him on tons of occassions. I try calmly, I think I get a good response and answer, but then that doesn't last, it's just gradually escalated to the point that I just can't take him not doing anything anymore. I've always had a problem with this, but now I'm on a medication that just makes me not be able to handle it so much more. He feels that he does do a lot and when I ask him to do something he does it. Ok, so not true on both counts. It's only once in a while and I have to nag him to do anything, and I need help on a daily basis. Anyway, he doesn't feel that way so just about everyday we fight about this specific topic and I just can't stand it anymore. I don't know what to do at this point. I've told him in the past that I'm going to put a list on the fridge of things I need him to do. I still have yet to do that unfortunately. I'm just so busy. I don't even know if that would help or not. I am just so upset that I have to coach him on what to do constantly and remind him like a child to clean up after himself, and then he still doesn't do it.

So, I don't think things are going to change anytime soon, so I need to find a way to get myself to be able to accept it and not get pi@@ed off and start a fight with him. It's just soooo hard to watch him sit there and do nothing while I'm doing ALL the household chores after taking care of the kids and working FT. It's not worth fighting over anymore so I want to give up and just find a way to deal with it. I don't think it's fair, but emotionally I can't take the fighting all the time on top of everything else I'm trying to deal with. I have said everything there is to say to him about it, nice, not nice, etc. and it doesn't seem to matter, so... I need to just accept it and move on. I'm dealing with soooo many things right now, fighting with him is making me so much more depressed.

Ok, so this is much longer than I wanted it to be, I guess I needed to vent, and I gave a few details, but I just need some suggestions on how to deal with everything that is going on emotionally? Money problems, selling the house, work, kids, my DH, etc. I just can't do it all anymore. I told him that he doesn't appreciate anything I do and that he just expects me to do everything around the house. I guess he doesn't think that kids and housework are work. He won't admit it, but it has to be how he feels. I love him with all my heart, but he's killing me! How does he really believe that he does things??? I have witnesses that know he doesn't do anything. He really feels that he does??? AAaaaaaaaahhh!!! Please help!!!! Maybe I need some more medication?

Re: Need help desperately on coping with all the stress?

Start by making the list and putting it on the fridge.

Other than that, I have no "real" advice, just many and

Re: Need help desperately on coping with all the stress?

Have you tried sitting down with DH, when both of you are not upset with each other and telling him how you feel? If you truly tell him, I am stressed, and need your help, maybe he will be more open to listening and understanding.

Bottom line is he needs to step up. He needs to help you out. You can't go on like this, it's not fair.

Make a list. Maybe he does need to see it in black and white.

Hang in there!

Re: Need help desperately on coping with all the stress?

Start by not doing it at all. You dont have to clean the house when you are working. You can do that on the weekends. My motto is is i have to work full time and be a mom (which we all know carries way more responsibility then being a dad at times) I dont have to do dishes during the week, cook, clean nothing. All i have to do is make sure my kids are fed (which they are by the time i get home anyway) they are clean and happy. Everything else gets put on the back burner. I am not killing myself trying to keep a spic and span house when i work, go to school, take care of my kids, take care of hubby etc.

So IMHO why dont you just let the housework go for a couple of weeks maybe then he will get the point.

Message edited 2/11/2009 4:47:12 PM.

Re: Need help desperately on coping with all the stress?

I would sit down together with a complete list of what needs to be done when and then divide it between yourselves. If you each did one chore a day when the kids go to bed, everyone will be happier. For example: Monday night is vacuum/clean a bathroom, Tuesday is laundry/clean kitchen, Wednesday is no chore night...movie night instead! Thursday is laundry/organize something else.

That way, the schedule is clear, things don't pile up and you each are working at the same time. It can take only 10-15 minutes each night and your world will spin much happier.

Good luck!

Re: Need help desperately on coping with all the stress?

Re: Need help desperately on coping with all the stress?

Thanks everyone!

The only problem with letting it go until the weekend is that the house in on the market so it has to stay somewhat clean everyday just in case.

I'm going to take your advice and make a list of what needs to get done and each of us does one thing a night. We'll see if that works.

Thanks again!