Need "opinions" on TTC for #2

DH and I knew we would be starting having chilldren right away after we got married. We are older so we did not really have the luxury to wait too long. You just never know.

DS is now almost 6.5 months and our original "plan" was to wait 1 or 2 wears after his birth to start TTC again. I am not getting any younger.

BUT now.... I look at DS and realize how much I enjoy spending my time with him. I changed job/career to spend more time with him. He is a great baby. I also realize that the 1 year mark is coming up.... He was born in June. We are in January already and we had plan to TTC late summer. That's ONLY in 9 months or so. Times flies and now I think it came VERY quickly. I am not sure I am ready. I feel DS would miss on a lot of things, I would miss on a lot of things (the pregnancy with him was not smooth sailing...KWIM!).

Yet, by postponning another year, I am not sure I would be up to it. I fear I would be too mentally exhausted. Almost 40 by the time I give birth and could not handle the pregnancy I had last year.

I am at lost on what to do.

Message edited 1/5/2008 9:17:01 PM.

Re: Need "opinions" on TTC for #2

It's really a personal decision and lifestyle decision. Will you be comfortable with having two babies? How far apart are you comfortable with? My kids will be exactly 2 years apart and I'm sure that will be a lot for me personally but for me two years was a good enough amount of time. How is your patience level? I would say that you really need to know yourself and siituation completly to make this decision. Will you have help in case you have another rough pregnancy?

Good luck on whatever you decide. Go with your instinct.

Re: Need "opinions" on TTC for #2

If you aren't ready I would say to wait. I had rough pregnancies both times (gestational diabetes in first, diabetes in second, horrible morning sickness in both) Damien was 2 1/2 ish when I got pregnant with Jaidyn. I was just shy of my 39th birthday when I had her so I can understand the urgency. Plenty of Mom's give birth when they are 40.

Re: Need "opinions" on TTC for #2

wish i had advice....DD was born 2 days before your DS and my "plan" was to start TTC around the 1st birthday. actually the original plan was to already be PG by now! but once i saw how hard child rearing is i totally changed my mind! (DD was a tough newborn) age is not so much a factor but i am not a spring chicken at 32 yrs old-there are days i say to DH that i would be happy just having DD. motherhood has been a lot more challenging for me i think than for the normal woman! i know though that i want to have a sibling for DD and i don't want to be changing diapers again when DD is like 5 yrs old so i think having them close is the best thing. that way they are playmates and you have them in similar stages. of course this is if God blesses me with a pregnancy when i want to get pregnant! it really is a hard decision!
sorry to have gone on and on-you just brought something up that i have been thinking about a lot too!
edited to add that my SIL gave birth to her first child at 41 so don't worry too much about age!

Message edited 1/5/2008 9:17:11 PM.

Re: Need "opinions" on TTC for #2

Posted by ME75

wish i had advice....DD was born 2 days before your DS and my "plan" was to start TTC around the 1st birthday. actually the original plan was to already be PG by now! but once i saw how hard child rearing is i totally changed my mind! (DD was a tough newborn) age is not so much a factor but i am not a spring chicken at 32 yrs old-there are days i say to DH that i would be happy just having DD. motherhood has been a lot more challenging for me i think than for the normal woman! i know though that i want to have a sibling for DD and i don't want to be changing diapers again when DD is like 5 yrs old so i think having them close is the best thing. that way they are playmates and you have them in similar stages. of course this is if God blesses me with a pregnancy when i want to get pregnant! it really is a hard decision!
sorry to have gone on and on-you just brought something up that i have been thinking about a lot too!
edited to add that my SIL gave birth to her first child at 41 so don't worry too much about age!

Message edited 1/5/2008 9:23:46 PM.

Re: Need "opinions" on TTC for #2

Sophie- As PPs have stated, it's a personal decision. Before and during my pregnancy I always said "We'll see how things go after #1 is here" And now that he is here, I can't wait to have #2. DH and I had "The Talk" abotu TTC, and we decided to wait unti lTroy is 1 (which is in May). I have gone a back and forth on it. One day I am ready, the next day I want to wait.

I know about the age issue, I have always said I wanted the kids close, but not TOO close. And I would IDEALLY I would like to give birth to the last one (provided we have 3 and are as lucky conciving as we were with #1) no later than 40.

One of my best friends gave birth to her 1st this past June, after YEARS of fertility challenges. She is now 3 mos PG with #2 (unplanned, but conceived au natural).

I know what you mean about the worry of "cheating" EJ. I felt that too. As does my friend. There is no right or wrong answer. It's just something you and DH need to discuss and know is right. You wont love EJ any less, nor will he necessarily lose out. (just my 2 cents).

Re: Need "opinions" on TTC for #2

As an "older mom", I too am feeling the pressure. I am completely ready to have another though. Rather than thinking of what DD may "miss out on", I think of what a wonderful gift a sibling would be.

My sister and I were only 13 months apart, and my whole memory of childhood is filled with the happiness of always having someone to play with.

ETA: I figure at this age, she's too young to remember "going without" anything or feeling "left out."

Message edited 1/5/2008 9:31:32 PM.

Re: Need "opinions" on TTC for #2

I agree, its a personal decision.

I had DS#1 when I was 27 years old. I started to get "the itch" when he was abo0ut 6 months old and got my BFP for his first birthday. My sons are 20 months apart and it was the BEST decision I ever made. They are best friends, and my feelings for DS# 2 are no different than #2.

We just had our 3rd baby in August (a girl this time) I am 31... and once again, my feelings are no different (27 months betweeb 2 and 3)

Just know that as a mommy, you DO have "enough love to go around" and that adding to your family could NEVER be a mistake. I have heard people regretting NOT having more children, but I have never heard of ANYONE saying that they regretted HAVING a child.

HTH

Message edited 1/5/2008 10:20:17 PM.

Re: Need "opinions" on TTC for #2

I'll give it to you as straight as I can from someone who has been there. I too was uncertain about timing my second pregnancy and decided to wait until my first was almost 3 (I was 34 when she was 3). It never seriously crossed my mind that I could have problems having a second. I did, and my kids are 5 years apart, and although I wouldn't necessarily change anything, it wasn't the way I would have planned it.

So, the real question is do you want a second child ?? For me, as soon as I relaized it wasn't going to be easy, I understood how much I really wanted another child, for both myself and for my oldest. Sometimes, when your a first time mother, its difficult to imagine having the time and energy to have and raise another, etc. But, you have to try and look at teh big picture and envision your family, the way you want it to look in 5 or 10 years from now. If you really decide you do want another, the rest is just details----details that can all be worked out. Unfortunately, as you get a little older, you don't have the luxury of time and you just have to take a deep breath and move forward. As another poster said, I don't know anyone who regrets having a child.