Need some advice- VERY long...thanks for reading

My sister just called me upset because she thought she was pregnant and she's not.

A little background- she has PCOS and Endometriosis. She conceived last April and had a miscarriage at about 6 weeks in May.

She is not married, but has been with her fiance (he proposed when she got pregnant) for 5 years and they moved in together in June.

A doctor once told her that the older you get the harder it would be to conceive so she has wanted to get pregnant since she was about 20 (she is 22 now)

She has had surgery for the endo twice.
She now tracks her ovulation regularly and has sex whenever she ovulates (she doesn't ovulate every month- its more like every 2 months)

After the miscarriage the doctor ran some blood tests and found that she has a blood disorder (I forget the name) that causes a vitamin deficiency and can cause miscarriage between weeks 5-8 and, if the baby is carried full term, can cause deformations or retardation.

So, she thought she was pregnant and she's not and she's really upset. I don't know what to say to her anymore.

I tell her that she has other options, that even people who don't have problems may not get pregnant right away, that the fact that she conceived once was a positive thing- because at least she CAN conceive.

The best I could do was to tell her that maybe now isn't the best time for a baby anyhow- she just left her job (she hated it) and her FH is only in training for a new job and won't be Full time with insurance for awhile. She said she doesn't care about that stuff.

Is there anything I can say to help her feel better and stay positive?

She's so bitter and angry about it at times...and when anyone else gets pregnant she's so jealous...

Please help!

Re: Need some advice- VERY long...thanks for reading

While it does sound as though it's not the right time for her--it's probably best not to tell her that repeatedly. I harbor a lot of resentment toward my mom, who even now (I'm 27) is telling me that it's "not the right time". Little does she know that had we not actively been TTC, I never would have known about the PCOS, which is going to make things much more difficult.

I think the best thing you can do is to just lend an ear and a shoulder. I can totally understand what she's going through. I see all of these people having babies (my friends included) and it makes me angry and upset sometimes. More than likely, she just needs someone to vent to.

Re: Need some advice- VERY long...thanks for reading

I agree w/ Mrs. Rivera. I m/c back in June and at 35 years old, I can tell you that it totally sucks seeing tons of pg women every day of my life (7 pregnant women in my company right now) and hearing of people getting pregnant with no problem. While I agree that it might not be the best time for her, and she is very young, I also know what it feels like to have someone tell me not to do something that I really want. For me, it's more of the "relax, it will happen" quote that makes me scream. I think the best thing you can do is just be there for her - that alone speaks volumes that you are a great sister.

Re: Need some advice- VERY long...thanks for reading

Is she using OPK to determine if she's ovulating? Many times women with PCOS have elevated levels of LH (which is the chemical that OPKs use to determine ovulation) and can throw them off.

Also, she is very young. Its great that she knows now what issues she has and can work around them while her eggs are still in great shape. If I were her, I'd see a RE to discuss her situation and let that doctor set a course of treatment that is best for her. They will probably refer her to a genetic counselor for more information on her vitamin deficiency condition as well.

I wish her the best of luck and I think its great that she's starting as soon as she can. I wish I'd known about my issues when I was that young as well.



Tell her if she ever needs a referral to an RE or just needs to vent, that we're all here to talk to!

Re: Need some advice- VERY long...thanks for reading

Thanks ladies!

I regretted saying the whole "its not the right time thing" right after i hung up...

My point was kind of things happen for a reason...but I know thats not what she wants/needs to hear.

I'm also a big "Relax and it will happen" person- oops.

Thanks for all the advice. I guess I'll just be a silent ear/shoulder to lean on from now on...and keep asking every week at mass that she be able to have a baby

Re: Need some advice- VERY long...thanks for reading

I agree with the above posters.
Just be there for her - a shoulder to cry on. Understanding IF is very difficult until you go through it yourself. I have to admit I would always ask "when are you having a baby" and those sorts of things, never thinking that maybe they were trying and were having problems. Now I would NEVER ask that.

To say that things happen for a reason is not really an appropriate thing to say to her either... That is like saying well, since you have IF issues, maybe you are not meant to have a baby. That may not be what you mean, but that is how she will take it.

Anyway. Just be supportive. If she needs to talk, let ther talk.

And tell her she can always come on here and talk with us!

Re: Need some advice- VERY long...thanks for reading

Posted by LaurenExp

Is she using OPK to determine if she's ovulating? Many times women with PCOS have elevated levels of LH (which is the chemical that OPKs use to determine ovulation) and can throw them off.

Also, she is very young. Its great that she knows now what issues she has and can work around them while her eggs are still in great shape. If I were her, I'd see a RE to discuss her situation and let that doctor set a course of treatment that is best for her. They will probably refer her to a genetic counselor for more information on her vitamin deficiency condition as well.

I wish her the best of luck and I think its great that she's starting as soon as she can. I wish I'd known about my issues when I was that young as well.



Tell her if she ever needs a referral to an RE or just needs to vent, that we're all here to talk to!