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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
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Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
DH is an only child...FIL passed away, MIL barely speaks English and doesn't drive a car. We help her out a lot...to say the least.
Anyway, am I wrong to be upset about the following:
Whenever my MIL can go out shopping with friends, she will ALWAYS buy things for my DH. Shoes, a shirt, a sweater, whatever. Essentially, she never goes shopping without picking something up for him.
She called the other day to say that she bought him a new leather jacket and some dress pants 
Here's what I get upset about. She virtually NEVER picks up anything for me. Now, don't get all crazy thinking I'm GREEDY. It's not about greed. I'd totally be okay with a pair of socks, or a $2 magazine...even a PENCIL.
I get upset that she never EVER keeps me in mind. But, I help her out SO MUCH when she needs help. SO MUCH!!! So much of my time, my weekends, my energy, my sanity gets devoted to her.
She doesn't even think to pick up a pair of socks for me while she's out on her shopping spree. 
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Posted 2/23/07 2:39 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
robynfs
12/6/10!!
Member since 9/05 4947 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
I would feel the same way. You just want to be thought of...some people just don't think. I'm sure she doesn't even realize you feel this way.
Hugs to you 
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| Posted 2/23/07 2:42 PM |
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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
Posted by robynfs
I would feel the same way. You just want to be thought of...some people just don't think. I'm sure she doesn't even realize you feel this way.
Hugs to you
One time, she went on vacation and brought be back a REALLY NICE ring. I thanked her profusely.
She told my DH that she had been shopping for him and then her friend pointed out that she should get "a little something" for me.
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| Posted 2/23/07 2:43 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
Posted by robynfs
I would feel the same way. You just want to be thought of...some people just don't think. I'm sure she doesn't even realize you feel this way.
Hugs to you
I agree
Based on some of your past posts about her I think she dotes on him a bit too much. Maybe it's an only child/deceased husband thing but regardless, it's obviously not about the money it's about the thought, especially since you do a lot for her as well.
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| Posted 2/23/07 2:45 PM |
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Diva
I am what I am
Member since 12/05 2825 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
I really wouldnt take it personally. I think out of habit and having only one child to dote after, its just natural to always think of her son. How is your relationship with her?
Message edited 2/23/2007 2:48:21 PM.
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| Posted 2/23/07 2:46 PM |
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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
Posted by Diva
How is your relationship with her.
I don't even know how to answer that question.
DH told me that she really does like me- which I find to be completely unbelievable. But, he said that she literally chased away every other girlfriend he ever had. She'd get into screaming matches with them.
DH said that I'm the only one who never screamed back!
A few months ago, I went to her house and we had a 4 hour sit-down conversation because I was completely furious when I found out that she said to DH "when you get divorced, she'll take half of everything"...
She's actually been much better to me since then...
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| Posted 2/23/07 2:49 PM |
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randella
Love my little man
Member since 8/05 16290 total posts
Name:
Randi
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
I see both sides of it-- if I was you, I would totally be offended-- but as another poster said, it may be out of habit, etc., just buying stuff for her son.
BUT-- the fact that you do go above and beyond-- and she has done nothing to show her appreciation (outside of her regular shopping sprees) is more of the issue.
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| Posted 2/23/07 2:49 PM |
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Wendy
Wheeee!
Member since 5/05 13736 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
I would be very hurt 
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| Posted 2/23/07 2:51 PM |
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JP826
=)
Member since 9/06 10903 total posts
Name:
Me!! All about ME!
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
Wow. I totally see where your coming from. Thats sad, and I would be upset too.
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| Posted 2/23/07 2:52 PM |
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Diva
I am what I am
Member since 12/05 2825 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
Posted by suvenR
A few months ago, I went to her house and we had a 4 hour sit-down conversation because I was completely furious when I found out that she said to DH "when you get divorced, she'll take half of everything"...
OMG, that's just horrible. But I'm afraid to say even though her actions arent right, sadly nothing can be said or done.
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| Posted 2/23/07 2:56 PM |
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JennCo
My greatest joy is my baby boy
Member since 1/07 2772 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
Posted by suvenR
Posted by Diva
How is your relationship with her.
I don't even know how to answer that question.
DH told me that she really does like me- which I find to be completely unbelievable. But, he said that she literally chased away every other girlfriend he ever had. She'd get into screaming matches with them.
DH said that I'm the only one who never screamed back!
A few months ago, I went to her house and we had a 4 hour sit-down conversation because I was completely furious when I found out that she said to DH "when you get divorced, she'll take half of everything"...
She's actually been much better to me since then...
It sounds like your MIL has some emotional attachment issues with you DH....to scream at his ex gf and chase them away?  It sounds like your hurt may go a little deeper than her just not buying you something on a shopping spree....which is COMPLETELY understandable.
If I were you and I felt like I was unappreciated, I'd cut back on how much I did for her....not that you have to be nasty to her, but I wouldn't put myself out there as much, JMHO
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| Posted 2/23/07 3:06 PM |
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LIPrincess
Foxy Lady
Member since 6/05 1610 total posts
Name:
Jaimie
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
IMHO let your dh do everything for her. Stop everything you do for her and when she asks just politely say "I thought you might enjoy your son helping you more."
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| Posted 2/23/07 3:09 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
I don't know...My mom buys stuff for me all the time (yesterday 2 dresses she saw on sale), and doesn't buy DH stuff. His mom buys stuff for him and not for me...Maybe it's more your issues with her making you upset about this? I would think it was weird if DH's mom bought me socks or whatever even if she was buying clothes for DH.
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| Posted 2/23/07 3:11 PM |
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suvenR
designer mutt
Member since 5/05 4239 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
Posted by nov04libride
I don't know...My mom buys stuff for me all the time (yesterday 2 dresses she saw on sale), and doesn't buy DH stuff. His mom buys stuff for him and not for me...Maybe it's more your issues with her making you upset about this? I would think it was weird if DH's mom bought me socks or whatever even if she was buying clothes for DH.
If she was a "normal" MIL in the sense that she didn't rely on us and me to help her with her day-to-day life, I might not care so much.
It's when I start thinking about how since I was 25 years old, I'd sit and help her sort through her mail, her bills, make calls for her because she can't communicate well, take her places, pick things up for her, etc., but when she wants to do something nice for someone, I'm not taken into consideration...
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| Posted 2/23/07 3:16 PM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
Posted by JennCo
If I were you and I felt like I was unappreciated, I'd cut back on how much I did for her....not that you have to be nasty to her, but I wouldn't put myself out there as much, JMHO
Good advice.
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| Posted 2/23/07 3:18 PM |
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Eleanor
LIF Adult
Member since 2/06 2223 total posts
Name:
Ellie
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
sounds like we share a MIL (If your DH wasn't an only child, I might think we were SsIL)
I blow it off at this point. If she did pick me up something - I probably wouldn't like it anyway.
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| Posted 2/23/07 3:39 PM |
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Chrisnamy
Summer is coming soon
Member since 1/07 3991 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
i could see why you would feel hurt by her lack of thoughtfulness. i'm sorry
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| Posted 2/23/07 3:45 PM |
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Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
I would be hurt too especially because you just want to be appreciated it somehow.
The only time I have gotten a gift from my mil is for christmas and sometimes on my birthday.
I guess is different that I have a daughter.
it really seems she is truly very controlling over her son, way too much.
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| Posted 2/23/07 3:48 PM |
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MsG
Should be working
Member since 5/05 2824 total posts
Name:
G
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
She sounds like a tough person to have as a MIL.
But I think when you do things for someone, you do them w/out expecting anything back. If you feel that she is not grateful for all you do for her, maybe you should back off and not be so available to help.
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| Posted 2/23/07 3:50 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
The only thing wrong I see is that she is still buying him clothes..he's an adult and can buy his own clothes or if you're out shopping you can buy clothes.
I just think this is disfunctional to begin with. I would not want to get clothes from my MIL for no reason other than she was out shopping.
I just think you and her will never see eye to eye and she feels the same way. I think deep down she harbors feelings she can't help and it's not personal, it has to do with anyone your DH would be with.
I also think she lives for drama because she has nothing else to do.
Don't let it get to you.
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| Posted 2/23/07 3:59 PM |
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WoodIAm
My Boys!
Member since 5/05 5498 total posts
Name:
JoAnne
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Re: Need your opinion please: MIL, DH, and me...
I understand that you feel hurt and unappreciated. I would feel the same way. I would back off a little too on the things you do for her. Let her son do more and she'll realize how much she should appreciate you!
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| Posted 2/23/07 4:03 PM |
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