You must be logged in if you wish to write a forum mail.
| Posted By |
Message |
Juliet
Family is Complete!
Member since 5/05 5913 total posts
Name:
Juliet
|
Never thought I would say this but...
...I kind of wish IL's hadn't moved back to Poland--and not because I miss them so much
This year was DH's first Christmas without his parents and it was also the first Christmas in almost 10 years that BIL spent with IL's. So when we were wishing each other Merry Christmas, MIL told DH all the yummy traditional foods she made and how she wished she could have been making them for him and BIL told him how nice it was to spend time with their aunts and uncles. FIL didn't rub it in that much, but he did let DH know he was missed.
As a result of hearing all of this, DH wants to go to Poland for Christmas next year. I told him that it will be baby's first Christmas and I would like to spend that at home so that we can open gifts under our tree and be able to be relaxed. I told him that we could go to Poland for Easter 2008 and he agreed that it would be a nice holiday for me to experience over there. Then he proceeded to push Xmas 2008 in Poland.
I know I need to share the holidays between my family and my IL's but I have a few issues with Xmas
1. My parents made it a point to not travel for Xmas so that my brother and I could always wake up in our own home and open presents under our own tree and then relax and play with our new toys until dinnertime. I LOVE this idea and want to give my children the same
2. Call me crazy but I don't really feel like packing a suitcase with presents to bring to Poland, nor do I feel like bringing home a suitcase or two filled with toys, while also flying with a toddler. Too much hassle.
3. IL's didn't HAVE to move, they chose to move. And the fact that MIL gives guilt about not seeing us is unfair. We didn't move away from them, they moved away from us.
4. My parents. This is a sticky one because it comes down to sharing. My brother and SIL picked up and moved away to be near SIL's parents. I live 7 minutes from my parents and am very close with them. I know I need to share the holidays for DH's sake, but I don't want to abandon my parents on holidays since I think once bro and SIL have kids they will most likely want to stay home which is five minutes from HER parents.
And to make things worse, if IL's came to visit for Xmas, they would probably come for a month and expect to stay with us.
Things got so complicated when they moved.
|
Posted 12/27/06 3:53 PM  |
| |
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Juliet
Family is Complete!
Member since 5/05 5913 total posts
Name:
Juliet
|
Re: Never thought I would say this but...
Geez, 63 views and no one has any words of wisdom or comfort?
Sorry, I am having a lonely day today and just need some friends.
|
| Posted 12/27/06 4:42 PM |
| |
|
sunshine22
LIF Infant
Member since 4/06 188 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Never thought I would say this but...
We have a similiar situation with DH's family living abroad, but we decided we'd probably go there for Christmas next year when the baby is 11 months, because she won't even know what is going on or be aware that it's Christmas yet. Then, the next year, when she's almost 2, we will be here in NY for her to experience it. Not sure if we will alternate after that, but we plan on spending some time each summer in his home country, so that may end up being enough. We'll see, I guess!
Message edited 12/27/2006 4:44:10 PM.
|
| Posted 12/27/06 4:43 PM |
| |
|
christy
Mommy of 2
Member since 5/05 6787 total posts
Name:
Christy
|
Re: Never thought I would say this but...
I just wanted to say that I am sorry you are so bummed about this. Next christmas is far away...maybe after a couple of months Dh will realize why it is so important to spend baby's first christmas here. 
|
| Posted 12/27/06 4:46 PM |
| |
|
SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
|
Re: Never thought I would say this but...
I can sorta sympathize. My parents moved to FL and now we live in IL away from everyone. My mom used to give me lots of guilt, but they chose to move away.  I completely agree with you about not going there for Christmas. You should hold your ground on that one. I think you're being very fair by going for Easter.
|
| Posted 12/27/06 4:47 PM |
| |
|
Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
|
Re: Never thought I would say this but...
I think you have the best rationale as to why you should stay home. Maybe you could make another holiday (Easter) the holiday you go to Poland.
|
| Posted 12/27/06 5:27 PM |
| |
|
Cookiegobbler
My little love bugs!!
Member since 9/05 5759 total posts
Name:
Nicole
|
Re: Never thought I would say this but...
I think the first christmas you is different... if you wanna be home with your baby, I can totally see that.... but when it comes to after that, I think that you need to share the holidays with DH's family... even though they chose to move away... do it for your DH, because he is the one that will be suffering.
|
| Posted 12/27/06 5:46 PM |
| |
|
Juliet
Family is Complete!
Member since 5/05 5913 total posts
Name:
Juliet
|
Re: Never thought I would say this but...
Posted by Cookiegobbler
I think the first christmas you is different... if you wanna be home with your baby, I can totally see that.... but when it comes to after that, I think that you need to share the holidays with DH's family... even though they chose to move away... do it for your DH, because he is the one that will be suffering.
I agree that we should share, but I personally would rather go there for Easter. Or maybe leave Xmas night and spend Xmas vacation with them, but still have Christmas morning in our house.
I just think that packing up a kid and presents and flying to Europe at Christmastime is going to be a royal pain, not to mention that we will spend most of the holiday being jetlagged.
I already told DH that if he wants to do this, it will be HIS responsibility to get the baby a passport, to buy all of the presents and to pack everything. Knowing him, if I don't do it for him, this won't happen.
|
| Posted 12/27/06 6:05 PM |
| |
|
Cookiegobbler
My little love bugs!!
Member since 9/05 5759 total posts
Name:
Nicole
|
Re: Never thought I would say this but...
Oh I definitely think will be a huge pain!! Maybe you can do like Easter one year, one year they come to you for Christmas, then one year you go there or something... so that you dont have to travel there every year!
|
| Posted 12/27/06 6:18 PM |
| |
|
yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Never thought I would say this but...
I think that packing up a kid and all those presents for Christmas is going to be the biggest adventure that you could ever have! I would do it in a minute!!! Think of all the fantastic stories that they will have to tell about how some Christmasses they spent in Poland, others in America! How exciting for a child to grow up with the privelege of travelling all that time!
You say that you liked the fact that your parents stayed home so that you could do your traditions, well guess what...New Family, New Traditions!
Travel broadens the mind! So get that kid a passport and get on a plane!
Message edited 12/27/2006 6:32:14 PM.
|
| Posted 12/27/06 6:25 PM |
| |
|
Juliet
Family is Complete!
Member since 5/05 5913 total posts
Name:
Juliet
|
Re: Never thought I would say this but...
Posted by racheeeee
I think that packing up a kid and all those presents for Christmas is going to be the biggest adventure that you could ever have! I would do it in a minute!!! Think of all the fantastic stories that they will have to tell about how some Christmasses they spent in Poland, others in America! How exciting for a child to grow up with the priveledge of travelling all that time!
You say that you liked the fact that your parents stayed home so that you could do your traditions, well guess what...New Family, New Traditions!
Travel broadens the mind! So get that kid a passport and get on a plane!
I am not against traveling to Poland but I like something constant too. I would go for other holidays but kind of feel like Christmas is a time to be at home.
The more I think about it, I think DH is having a knee jerk reaction to his parents moving. He has been saying stuff like "once this kid is 5 years old, we'll pack it up and send it to spend the summer with my parents in Poland!" While I appreciate that he wants to share his culture with our child, I think we would both miss our child terribly if we sent it to another country for the WHOLE summer!
Maybe once we have this maybe and get into our own routine, DH will feel differently.
|
| Posted 12/27/06 6:36 PM |
| |
|
yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Never thought I would say this but...
Posted by Juliet
Posted by racheeeee
I think that packing up a kid and all those presents for Christmas is going to be the biggest adventure that you could ever have! I would do it in a minute!!! Think of all the fantastic stories that they will have to tell about how some Christmasses they spent in Poland, others in America! How exciting for a child to grow up with the priveledge of travelling all that time!
You say that you liked the fact that your parents stayed home so that you could do your traditions, well guess what...New Family, New Traditions!
Travel broadens the mind! So get that kid a passport and get on a plane!
I am not against traveling to Poland but I like something constant too. I would go for other holidays but kind of feel like Christmas is a time to be at home.
The more I think about it, I think DH is having a knee jerk reaction to his parents moving. He has been saying stuff like "once this kid is 5 years old, we'll pack it up and send it to spend the summer with my parents in Poland!" While I appreciate that he wants to share his culture with our child, I think we would both miss our child terribly if we sent it to another country for the WHOLE summer!
Maybe once we have this maybe and get into our own routine, DH will feel differently.
Hey, I plan on sending this kid to Camp Grandma & Grandpa Long Island from the time he is 2...I would miss him, but if it would give me a break...hell yeah! I would pay now for my parents to come over and take him away for a week or so...providing I get him back of course!!! But a few baby free days...ahhh, sounds like pure heaven. I could go for a wee on my own again!!!
|
| Posted 12/27/06 6:42 PM |
| |
|
steph4777
**************
Member since 5/05 11726 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
|
Re: Never thought I would say this but...
Posted by Cookiegobbler
I think the first christmas you is different... if you wanna be home with your baby, I can totally see that.... but when it comes to after that, I think that you need to share the holidays with DH's family... even though they chose to move away... do it for your DH, because he is the one that will be suffering.
I agree.... I'm the one who lives away from family so I can sympathize with your DH. Our flight is only 2 hrs from Chicago to NY, but I can understand your hesitation wanting to take a trans atlantic trip with a baby.
We spent Christmas in NY this year and I was so happy we went. My mom was so happy that Nate was there bc she missed his 1st Christmas. We decided not to bring our gifts with us bc we knew he'd get a bunch of stuff. When we got home yesterday, we had dinner at ILs and exchanged presents with them. Nate still hasn't even opened the gifts DH and I brought him. It's really not a big deal he's too young to remember or know the difference in whether or not he's home. But Next year, I told my family that I will not be traveling so they will need to come to Chicago.
|
| Posted 12/27/06 7:09 PM |
| |
|
