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Message edited 5/2/2007 7:14:36 PM.

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

I am so sorry.

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

All I can say is, I've been there. I've definitely been there. And if the friendship means that much to you, give him some time and try to talk to him.

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

I feel the same way. A friend of mine recently hurt me also. We have been friends for a few years and I really feel like he stabbed me in the back. I don't even like being around him and I can't even look him in the eye. He is engaged to my best friend so I am civil to him. How to deal with someone hurting you that bad???? I'm still trying to figure it out.

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

I just went through the same thing. He actually called me the other day to wish me a happy *house-iversary* for being in my house 1 year. I think that eventually your friend will come to terms with what is real and what is fantasy and will realize that the friendship, if it were true to him, will survive.

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

I am so sorry.. I agree with the other posters, try to give him some time!

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

I'm so sorry.

the best thing for you to do is try and let it go. there isn't anything you can do. he probably needs to get his feelings for you out of system. that won't ever happen as long as you 2 are friends

hang in there

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

As much as this hurts you, it sounds like he just couldn't deal with his feelings for you anymore and just had to end it abruptly. I have been on the other end of this scenario and while I didn't do what your friend did, I did eventually end the friendship for a variety of reasons. One reason was that it just became awkward and uncomfortable for me.

I know you probably wanted or needed closure on this, but it sounds like he just wasn't able to deal with this in a mature manner.

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

I realized that if I was truly a good friend that I needed to realize that it hurt him to be friends with me. He carried the torch for me for a long time, thinking when I was done dating that I'd realize he was meant for me. He needed to move on, find someone & be happy. For me the greatest gift I could give him was to let him move on - no matter how much if I missed him & his friendship.

It *****. I've been there.

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

I'm so sorry

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

I had a very similar situation to the one that Barb described. Funny thing was I was clueless for years... I would complain about my boyfriends to him and a million and one other things that must have absolutely tortured him... but I just didn't know.

Turns out he was feeling pressure to marry someone of the same religion which helped him move on (I'm not the same religion). He even told me... "If I was a nice........ girl" He met someone and she treated me like @#$% because she felt very insecure about the friendship we had. That ultimately ended it for me. We haven't spoken in almost 5 years.

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

I'm sorry

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

I'm so sorry. That's awful.

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

I am sorry you were put in this situation! It is very hard to lose a friend of 15 years! I think he is doing what he is doing because he is hurt and that is how a lot of people, men especially, deal with pain-- they just cut out the one that caused it ( although totally unintentionally) from their lives.

Something similar happened to me. I was very close friend with a guy ( although not for that long) and lost his friendship because I couldn't return his feelings. I still think about him sometimes. He was a very good friend and I enjoyed his company immensely. He punished me and himself by ending our frienship because of something that was beyond my control.

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

I'm so sorry.

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

For some, absence is the only way for them to cope. They need to step away and figure stuff out for themselves.

Give him time/space and he will come around, Im sure.

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

That's just horrible

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

I'm sorry

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

Also - he may have been really developing these strong feelings for you to the point where it was painful to be around you - so if you think about it - you have been hurting him for so long, without even realizing it. So, by the time he got to the angry phase, he was so hurt already that he responded as if you were aware of that - if it makes any sense....

It still hurts though - I have been on the receiving end of that as well - sometimes with close friendships, boundaries begin to blur....

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent

Jodi - I have a feeling if he's telling you that you mean nothing to him right out of the blue, that maybe he realizes his feelings for you are still growing and decided this is the only way to get over you.

It sux - I am sort of dealing with something similar right now.

I really am sorry to hear you have lost such a close friend

Re: Heartbroken.. Need to Vent