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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Normal pre-school emotional issues or not?
Lately, whenever miki gets disciplined, she cries and says "no one loves me", "you / daddy don't love me", etc
I always try to reassure her that we DO love her and she needs to listen and act correctly, etc
it is really breaking my heart though....
eta - and lately, if and when I do have to put her in time out, she screams and will not stay put. Can you "force" a child to stay in TO or is there another way to discipline her (I do not spank - very rarely for dangerous issues (touching the stove, running into the street, etc)
Message edited 6/10/2010 11:14:29 AM.
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Posted 6/10/10 11:12 AM  |
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maybeamommy
Blessed beyond belief
Member since 10/07 17048 total posts
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Re: Normal pre-school emotional issues or not?
In working with preschool students, I have seen children have those types of reactions
a) because they are manipulating (making authority feel guilty to get out of punishment)
or
b) because children can be so self-centered (not in a bad way, it's natural) they don't understand that your love is unconditional and if you're being nice, they feel loved. and if you're asserting authority, they feel unsafe. KWIM?
I would just keep putting her in time out and say "Mommy loves you, but we don't xxxx" and start a timer. Anytime she gets up, put her back and start the timer over.
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| Posted 6/10/10 11:23 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Normal pre-school emotional issues or not?
Posted by maybeamommy
In working with preschool students, I have seen children have those types of reactions
a) because they are manipulating (making authority feel guilty to get out of punishment)
or
b) because children can be so self-centered (not in a bad way, it's natural) they don't understand that your love is unconditional and if you're being nice, they feel loved. and if you're asserting authority, they feel unsafe. KWIM?
I would just keep putting her in time out and say "Mommy loves you, but we don't xxxx" and start a timer. Anytime she gets up, put her back and start the timer over.
I think it is definitely choice A  thanks, I will try the timer
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| Posted 6/10/10 11:25 AM |
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Calla
My girls
Member since 7/05 4303 total posts
Name:
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Re: Normal pre-school emotional issues or not?
Yes, the "you don't love me" is common. Eventually she'll progress to "you are a mean mommy" if you'd like something to look forward to.
For time outs, I'd put her in the room and close the door, holding the knob on the other side if you have to. She is trying to get you angry, and you'd be better off with a door between you. Its ok if she plays with toys in her room, a time out is just really a calming period.
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| Posted 6/10/10 11:26 AM |
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FranM
And so it goes....
Member since 9/05 2217 total posts
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Re: Normal pre-school emotional issues or not?
Ughh I know they love to pull the heart strings. DS used to do the same thing. Did he really feel that way - its hard to say. Now he uses the Im a failure, Im stupid song and dance when he is in trouble. At this point ( he is almost 7 ) I believe its a game.
As for the time outs - I know what Supernanny would say. Keep putting her back on that on spot and restart the timer. I had one maybe two days of this when DS was little. Then he learned that I was not backing down on time outs and he stayed put.
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| Posted 6/10/10 11:26 AM |
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maybeamommy
Blessed beyond belief
Member since 10/07 17048 total posts
Name:
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Re: Normal pre-school emotional issues or not?
Posted by pinkandblue
I think it is definitely choice A thanks, I will try the timer
Hope it helps!
A lot of times, parents give in and change their minds. But timers are consistent!
Kids sometimes need a visual and they also need to see that things are consistent and not changing. KWIM?
I hope it works out 
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| Posted 6/10/10 11:26 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Normal pre-school emotional issues or not?
Posted by Calla
Yes, the "you don't love me" is common. Eventually she'll progress to "you are a mean mommy" if you'd like something to look forward to.
For time outs, I'd put her in the room and close the door, holding the knob on the other side if you have to. She is trying to get you angry, and you'd be better off with a door between you. Its ok if she plays with toys in her room, a time out is just really a calming period.
she will literally scream, pound on the door and probably throw up (she gets SO worked up)
would you still use this technique?
I am at a loss, I think 3 may be the death of me  
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| Posted 6/10/10 11:27 AM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Normal pre-school emotional issues or not?
Posted by Calla
Eventually she'll progress to "you are a mean mommy"
she has said that before and also "you are always yelling at me" 
or she says "DON'T yell at me"
Message edited 6/10/2010 11:28:32 AM.
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| Posted 6/10/10 11:28 AM |
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Calla
My girls
Member since 7/05 4303 total posts
Name:
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Re: Normal pre-school emotional issues or not?
I would (and do) still use the closed door bedroom time out. For my daughter if she can see me, she is going to keep trying to get my attention and get worked up.
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| Posted 6/10/10 11:33 AM |
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