Now that you're TTC.....

Now that you're TTC, do you look back at your parents and things they did (even if they were well meaning) and think, "I'm not going to do that to my kid"?

My cousin and I were talking about this yesterday(she's PG!). I love my parents and they are very nice people and they always meant well raising me and my sisters.... but I don't think they thought through some parenting decisions they made and in turn, I look back and I've decided to change the way I do things with my kids.

They never taught me financial responsibility. They bought me whatever I wanted (I wanted an allowance for doing my chores) but they just handed me stuff.
Consequence: I'm terrible with money. I'm finally getting better now. I was in debt from the time I turned 18 cause my parents would just pay it.
I will never do this to my kids! I have such bad credit, no one on earth would give me a loan.

They never said they love me, or that they are proud of me, and I can't remember when the last time I was hugged or kissed... it must have been when I was very very little.

My father was very strict, but always at work... my mother had no authority at all. They never had any "talks" with me and I was a horrible teenager. I've been smoking since I was 11, smoking non-cigs(lol) since I was 12 (but stopped about 4 years ago) and drinking since I was 13.

My dad pushed doing well in school so hard that anything below a B was not acceptable. For a pothead drunk at 16, that was hard to maintain, lol. He made school such a scary horrible thing that none of the kids in our family went to and finished college. It took me 6 years to get out of high school.

I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder at 19 years old. I had to wait until I was old enough to go to the shrink myself since my parents didn't think there was anything wrong with me.

Sorry I realize how long this is....
I don't hold it against them, obviously things I did aren't their fault completely, I made those decisions... but I could have used their guidance. I'm glad can look back and pinpoint the mistakes so I don't repeat them with my own kids.

So back to the point... now that you are trying to become parents, do you think about these things? Is there anything you'd do differently from your parents?

Re: Now that you're TTC.....

Well, I definately think all the time about the ways I will raise my kids as they get older. There are some things I plan to do drastically different from my parents & some things I will do the same. I don't find myself thinking about it any more now that we're TTC though since we already have a child, we'r already thought & talked about these issues.

Re: Now that you're TTC.....

Yes, my mom was the strick one and my dad was the softy. Coming from a family of six children, my parents didn't get to see some of my track meets or kickline routines in high school or jr. high. Dad was always working, mom started working when my younger brother started Pre-K. My older siblings were able to have my parents watch their games growing up. I guess with so many kids its hard to give each one alot of attention JMO.

I will not/try not SPANK my kids. DH agrees with me on this issue. My mom and grandmother believed children should be seen and not heard. We had to act well behaved were ever we went. God knows I did get my share of spankings growing up.

Re: Now that you're TTC.....

Yes. I think about this all the time!

The main thing for me is that I will not use food to reward my children. I was raised that way and I have a completely unhealthy relationship with food, while DH was raised differently and he does not.

We work out together and eat the same things so our body types are the same but food is always on my mind and he does not have this.

I am sure there are other things, but I was just talking about this with a friend of mine so it's on my mind.

Re: Now that you're TTC.....

I think that I will do things a little different.
My Mother,to this day, rarely hugs me, or says I love you. Neither does my Dad. Me on the other hand I could kill a person with affection.
My Father was rarely home, my Mother let me do whatever I wanted.
And I got smacked, not spanked.

I do believe in spanking (to a point), not what I got, usually in the back of the head.

But I think that will all of the "faults" I see in their child rearing, I think I came out ok.

Re: Now that you're TTC.....

For me, let me start out by saying my mom was a single parent w/ four kids. To say things were hard, is an understatment, but I know she did all she could. Having said this, I agree with the OP about money. My mom never really had any and I learn nothing about managing money or saving. I also would not treat a DC any different from another because they are a different sex. I was raised completely different b/c I was a girl, I am still today resentful of this.

Some things that I will do that my mom did is be a disciplinarian. We were for the most part very well behaved, we got spanked when we deserved it. Today I see way too many kids completely out of control. That never happened with my mom. She also strongly encouraged us to go to college. So much that going was never really an option for us. It was simply something you did after highschool.

Re: Now that you're TTC.....

I am going to talk to my kids about sex and early. We never talked about sex in my house except that you didn't do it till you were married. Well that just was worthless and as a result, I slept around in college because why not?!?

I think I will teach my children differently

Message edited 3/4/2008 6:17:03 PM.