OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

Thank you to all the ladies who have responded to this extremely difficult situation..

I will keep you posted as things unravel.

Thank you.. Again.

Message edited 12/1/2005 1:44:23 PM.

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

well first of all i have to say how horrible i feel for that baby.

Coming from an abused woman for 10 yrs , ...and now i am out i can honestly look back and say what the hell was i thinking!!!??????

my ex was into drugs and was in and out of jail, he turned me agianst my entire family.
no matter what people said to me i would go back , even after he put me in the hospital. Domestic violence is something i cant even explain to those looking in the picture is so clear and the obvious thing would be to leave , but to the person involved its not that way , i feel you become pretty much brain washed.

my sister once said to me one day you will just get to a breaking point and that will be it you will leave, or you will end up dead and she was right one day i had just had it!! it took me 10 yrs but i left.

so i guess what i am saying is as much as you want to help her you cant help her until she is truley ready to help herself, unfortunatley

sorry u r going through this good luck!!!

Message edited 11/29/2005 9:33:33 PM.

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

I know this is going to sound really harsh and I in no way mean to be so blunt, but you REALLY need to call the cops or the department of children's welfare ( i think thats what its called- I can find out for sure) on them. She will never know it came from you, but someone of power needs to help you. This child is in a very bad atmosphere and actually the mother can go to jail as well as this idiot. She doesn't seem as bright as you say, being that she is not taking care of this baby medically. If this child has cancer, then why the .... is she subjecting it to cigarette smoke? If I were you, I would call the police and ask them who to call to take care of this. She will never know it came from you and you will be at ease knowing that they will be OK..

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say I'm sorry about the situation...

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

Another blunt response. What you are witnessing and ignoring is cut & dry -- child neglect and child abuse. Not giving a child with skin cancer his/her medicine because your boyfriend got out of jail - IS NOT an option. Driving your child around while you commit crimes & associate with possibly dangerous criminals is insane.

I know you love your friend. I'm hoping that a call to Department of Social Services' local Child Protective Services will at best wake her up to the possiblity that her child isn't safe and may be taken away - here's the link for Suffolk (if they're still residing in Patchogue) w. the phone number:
http://www.co.suffolk.ny.us/webtemp3.cfm?dept=17&id=689

They will not tell her who called. It's possible that they'll consider giving the grandmother temporary custody if she's able to help out until your friend is able to see her way out of it.

I know this is a hard phone call to make, I can't imagine how tough it is - and you are truly doing out of love. If you love your friend save her child from the danger that she can't see out of...and I hope that one day she will be able to see her way out of this mess.

most of all -

Message edited 11/29/2005 10:49:38 PM.

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

...

Message edited 12/1/2005 1:44:51 PM.

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

Posted by momAGAIN

my sister once said to me one day you will just get to a breaking point and that will be it you will leave, or you will end up dead and she was right one day i had just had it!! it took me 10 yrs but i left.

so i guess what i am saying is as much as you want to help her you cant help her until she is truley ready to help herself, unfortunatley

sorry u r going through this good luck!!!

Message edited 12/1/2005 1:45:30 PM.

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

Message edited 9/16/2011 12:32:38 AM.

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

I knew I could count on you ladies..

Message edited 12/1/2005 1:45:52 PM.

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

Hi - I agree with the posters who are saying that you should contact Child Protective Services. I know that you want the dad to go back to jail, but you have no control over that. What you DO have control over is making sure the baby is ok. I could never be in this position and not do anything - knowing what is happening to the baby. I know it is a very hard decision to make, but you need to worry about the baby right now. Good luck and stay strong!!

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

I used to work in foster care law and did termination of parental rights (granted a long time ago).

Failure to give a kid necessary medicine is considered abuse and neglect and she could end up losing custody of her child. Custody would most likely go to the grandmother (if she wanted it), but your friend's visits might be severely limited or supervised. It also could end up the termination of her parental rights. Unless the law has changed, staying with an abusive man is grounds enough to have your child taken away from you.

I know it would be tough, but I would call ACS and make an anonymous call about the abuse that this child is suffering, and yes- what you described sounds like abuse and neglect to me. She will probably lose custody of her baby at first, but she will need to go through counseling to get custody back. Hopefully through counseling and parenting classes she will see what this guy is... and finally get rid of him.

Another option is to call the guys parole officer anonymously and tip him off to the parole violations. It may get the guy sent back to jail if they can prove it. But that is only a temporary fix. He will get out again one day and the problem will still be there.

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

I don't know what to say or how to make things better for you. This is a tough situation.........however, IMO if your friend wants to ruin her life, it is her life to ruin. HOWEVER, she does not have the right to ruin her baby's life. I totally agree with the other posters and call ACS. This baby needs help. Don't wait until it is too late. Help this baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! get the help she needs. Worry about her first and then worry about the mother. It is obvious that this moron is going to try and get the baby out of the picture......It already started...no meds the baby can die (out of the picture). He is probably jealous of the baby taking up your friends time. DO SOMETHING! DO SOMETHING NOW before it is tooo late. Think about this poor innocent child who did not ask to be born, but is here nontheless. Do it for her, then worry about saving the mother.

Keep us posted. I'd like to know how this works out for you. Good luck honey. Thoughts, prayers and hugs your way.

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

I was never a person to really truly understand addictions but I do know that it must be an extemely powerful thing to separate a mother & child - and have the mother not do anything to fix it.

As a mother - I can tell you that if I was addicted to something (drugs, alcohol, an unstable or dangerous man), I only hope that my friends have the courage to make that call to make my baby safe until I have my act together. And while I may not understand it at first or even for years, the day I do - I would be getting on my knees kissing their feet and thanking them for their help.

I think you need to stop blaming the guy. This is your friend who is allowing this to go on. She is the one that needs to take control of this situation.

ShellyEsq - do you know if they can opt for a friend to take custody over foster care?

Message edited 11/30/2005 10:59:08 AM.

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

I have to agree with everyone else and call ACS this child is in need of medication and help and this man that your freind is with is not helping. Your friend was doing good without this man and now he comes back and tells her the child is not sick what is he a doctor no. I am sorry but you have to make the call before something tragic happens to the baby. Then you will be kicking yourself for not doing something sooner. Rent the movie Losing Isah (?sp) with Halle Berry then your mind will change she was a drug addict and changed her life around and got custody of her child again. I am sure that if someone in her family is willing to take in the child they will grant them custody. As for this man call the parole officer and give them his address if he has violated parole h e will def. go back to jail but will be released a gain.

Also I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years a while ago and I did the same thing as your friend not listen to everyone and lash out at people who were trying to open my eyes to things. Well just like momagain had said you get to a breaking point and wake up cuz thats what I did and I got out I realized that this relationship wasn't h ealthy for me and I got out it was hard to get out of cuz the guy started stalking me and tried to convince me to come back and that he will change but I was smarter then that and never went back. yOur freind needs a wae up call and hopefully she will get it before its too late

You really need to do something for that child

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

First of all, it does stay anonymous. Second of all, what's more important- the safety of a child or pissing off a creep! You should really start to listen to some of the advice we are all giving you. This isn't really an option anymore... You and everyone who cares for this baby really HAVE to do something about this before a tragedy occurs!

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

I wanted to thank all of you ladies for replying in the manner that you did..

I will be deleting my posts in a few hours as I have no idea who may be on this site....Thank you all for your support and concerns.

I knew I could count on my LiW/LIF family for advice.. Thank you..

Message edited 12/1/2005 1:47:34 PM.

Re: OK.. I need advice --LONG.. please advise..

just know that no matter how hard this seems to you , you are saving that baby !!!