Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

Uch, I just had such a horrible weekend, I really did.

First, on Friday, when I went to pick up Alex from school, her teacher started grilling me about when I'm having another child, and that I can't let Alex be an only child, and how horrible it would be. I swallowed back the tears, and joked, saying I wasn't ready yet because Alex's colic scared me away from TTC #2 - what else can I say really? She just totally humiliated me, in front of another teacher, who jumped on the bandwagon, and other parents.

Then, of course, I go to a party on Sunday and one of my friends announces she's 10 weeks pregnant - for her, I'm so happy, I really am. She has a son Alex's age, and has been struggling for a year for #2, and after having several m/c's her doctors told her that her body had entered early menopause and there was only a 5% chance she would get pregnant - thankfully, for her, after 3 cycles of IUI with injectables, she got pregnant.

And then, of course, of course DH's nosey-arse aunt called me on Sunday to make the big announcement that Dh's cousin delivered their second child over the weekend, and then proceeded to spend the next 20 minutes grilling me on why we aren't pregnant yet, reminding me that the clock is just ticking away.

I can't stand it! It's hard enough to swallow back the tears on a daily basis, like I really need these morons reminding me of this torture every single day?????

Any suggestions on what I should say the next time someone feels it's their responsibility to tell me that I better have another child before my biological clock stops ticking??

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

Yeah, it's hard..

One of my co-workers told me on Friday that she was pregnant, I am very happy for her of course. But not 10 minutes later she asked if DH and I were planning on children. I just said "Yep" and then excused myself. I found, there's really no good way to answer those types of questions, so I say for the most part "when we're ready, we will" Usually, I just force a smile shrug my shoulder and don't respond. Then I complain to DH about how everyone is so nosey and can't mind their own business.

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

I'm so sorry, I know the feeling

I made the decision a few months ago to just tell anyone who brings it up. It truly shuts people up and make them realize next time to mind their own business. DH's relative asked on Sat. when we are going to start a family and I replied "well we've been trying for a year so hopefully soon." Well you should have seen how her face changed (and I know she was just trying to be nice). She kept apologizing for asking and tried to backpeddle out of it. Honestly, I think she will think twice the next time she wants to ask that question.

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

First off

I'm so sorry you are going through this. My close friends and family know what we are going through. DH on the other hand isn't ready to let his family know what's going on. His mother keeps on pushing asking where her grandchildren are, so he answers back that he doesn't have any grandchildren.
I actually feel guilty that his parents (at least his mother) is not in the loop on what is going on because my parents know everything that's going on, but he's not ready to budge on this. I'm just waiting for her to start busting my horns on where her grandchildren are. In his family there are 3 preggos, so I know that is most likely playing a factor in her asking.

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

Big Hugs..

I am so sorry you had to go through this..here we are doing the best to stay positive everyday and than people say these ridiculus things and make it that much harder.

I have also started telling people the truth when they ask..in certain situtaions..i think it really does make them think and hopefully think ebfore they speak to someone else..

the one lady who made me I went to get my bikini waxed and it is always the same women who is really very nice so i know her a little bit..well she is asking as she is down in my nether region..you married? no kids? I say No, no kids, she wouldn't let go..how come no kids, do you want them etc etc..i shrugged it off with the usual not yet smile smile....than 2 mins later....she started again..really no kids yet so i finally just said..well actually if you must know i have had 3 mc's in 9 months so no not yet..it momentarily stunned her and than she shares that she has been strugglinh trying to conciev her 2nd for 3 years..i thought then why wouldn't you know better than to be bugging me

Hang in there

Message edited 12/17/2007 12:52:10 PM.

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

It really irks me when people do this. How dare they ask you such a personal question? I would never, ever ask someone this. People just have no idea what others could be going through as far as fertility is concerned. It's disgusting.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. The only thing I could think to say is that you may or you may not be trying, and that its really an inappropriate question to be asking someone, being that you have no idea what peoples situations are. It will be hard to say that without coming off as rude, but seriously, some people just need to be smacked upside the head. These people are not trying to be obnoxious, but they need to know that they are, anyway. They are assuming that just because you have Alex, that #2 should be easy. Some people really just don't get it.

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

People ask this because they don't know any better. I admit that before I tried TTC I used to ask people about it. But now that I am experiencing IF I will NEVER ask that question again.
Unless someone has been down that road, they just don't understand. Just like before it happened to all of us we never thought we would be one of those to experience IF, people who have gotten pg easy with #1,#2, and so forth just think its the same for everyone. They don't realize the person they are talking to could be having issues.
Fortunately, I haven't really had anyone ask me about it. But I have decided if they do, I will tell them. In the beginning I wanted to hide that I was having problems getting pregnant and I had to seek the aid of doctors. But I realize now that it is nothing to be ashamed of. When women get pregnant, they shout it from the rooftops. But if they are having problems, they tend to hide in the corner. People should be made aware that there are many, many couples who have infertility problems. Maybe this will cause them to have more sensitivity.

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

Almost everyone close to us knows we are dealing with IF. If its a stranger or acquaintance that asks or makes a comment I just say "we're working on it" and leave it at that if I don't feel like explaining the whole thing. People feel this odd need to know what you are planning to do about having kids for some reason...its really weird. But I find that if you tell them you are trying then what can they say? Oh wait, then they start with the did you try this? or this? maybe you just need to relax - go on vacation!.....

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

Posted by Carolyn



Almost everyone close to us knows we are dealing with IF. If its a stranger or acquaintance that asks or makes a comment I just say "we're working on it" and leave it at that if I don't feel like explaining the whole thing. People feel this odd need to know what you are planning to do about having kids for some reason...its really weird. But I find that if you tell them you are trying then what can they say? Oh wait, then they start with the did you try this? or this? maybe you just need to relax - go on vacation!.....

Message edited 12/17/2007 1:38:12 PM.

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

when we would get questions like that and people would stress the importance of hurrying up or waiting too long, I'd say...

"you know what? you're right - next time we visit our fertility specialist who is trying to help us get pregnant we'll tell them that they aren't working fast enough"

and that usually shuts them right up and makes them feel stupid

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

People think I'm joking when i say i hate people, but i really do! The same crap happens to me all the time. I just say it right to them , please stop asking we have been trying for over 2 years for #2 and its apparently not working! Believe me, I'll let you know when we get it right. One of the most insensitive things i have ever heard was from a very good friend (ironic). she went on to tell me that i was going to do IVF and it wasn't gonna work and I would get pregnant on my own!! thanks, -- i always wanted to suffer a m/c after all the crap i put myself through!! Gotta love those insensitive idiots! Sorry for the rant/vent.. Guess i needed it!

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

see name







<~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Message edited 12/17/2007 5:40:43 PM.

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

People do not realize what an inappropriate question that is. When people ask me, I think to myself, why do they think I don't have children yet? let's see, I'm turning 36, I've been married over 2 years, so it's one of two reasons:

I can't have children/having IF issues

or

I don't want children

Both are NONE of their business

Obviously, at my age, I'm not "waiting for the right time"

Ok, now I hate people too LOL

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

I never get how people can be so damn insensitive. It's such a personal topic..sorry you have to suffer because of dumb people

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

I am sorry. People can ask questions that can be very invasive, I wish they would know how painful it can be..

People always have something to say..

If you are dating long term (or still unattached in your 30's like I was) they ask "when are you going to get married"?

If you are married and don't have children- they ask "when are you going to have a baby"?

If you have one child, they ask "when will you have another baby"?

If you have two boys/two girls they ask "are you going to try for the boy/girl"?

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

I used to be one of these people but now I know better. Wasnt that I was being nosy just that I love babies and thought everyone should have them

I too dont hide our IF issues...I tell it like it is...DH and I have been "working" on it but we're having issues....its a long process but I'd be happy to tell you about it when you have time...(hmmm...they never seem to though.... )

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

I'm sorry.
I just told people the truth - I would usually say something along the lines of "We have been trying but we're having infertility issues and we're seeing an RE." I was pretty open about what we were going through. I dont think ANY one ever asked me again once I gave them that answer LOL I wasn't rude about it, just frank...and maybe teary eyed. But, it was my way of handling pushy or nosey people.

People are now asking me when we're going to TTC #2. I've been very blunt about that too and tell people that we aren't trying yet and we will let them know when we do, period. Same thing - no one has asked me twice. LOL

I don't know how comfortable you are telling people you're going to a specialist but I found that honesty shut them up and even made them feel a tiny bit guilty. Maybe next time those people will think twice before grilling someone. HTH

Re: Ok, so now I've decided I hate PEOPLE too

Posted by MrsJ

I'm sorry.
I just told people the truth - I would usually say something along the lines of "We have been trying but we're having infertility issues and we're seeing an RE." I was pretty open about what we were going through. I dont think ANY one ever asked me again once I gave them that answer LOL I wasn't rude about it, just frank...and maybe teary eyed. But, it was my way of handling pushy or nosey people.

People are now asking me when we're going to TTC #2. I've been very blunt about that too and tell people that we aren't trying yet and we will let them know when we do, period. Same thing - no one has asked me twice. LOL

I don't know how comfortable you are telling people you're going to a specialist but I found that honesty shut them up and even made them feel a tiny bit guilty. Maybe next time those people will think twice before grilling someone. HTH