old fashioned

hello, i was just wondering how everyone feels about the topic of children out of wed lock...i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years we talk about marriage and kids all the time...i would like to b married before i get pregnant but alot of my friends say that this is 2007 and you dont have to be married anymore ....i would personally feel weird if i had a baby before i was married my parents put this old fashioned way of thinking in my head at a young age (i am now 32) how does everyone else feel...i would really llike to hear what you think

tia

Re: old fashioned

Personally I might be old fashioned but I wouldn't want to have a planned pregnancy before I was married I think it becomes too complicated. I am sure that there are plenty of people who will disagree with me but for me personally it was important to be married first. I have absolutely no issue if others make that choice it just wasn't the right choice for me.

Etd b.c I realized I forgot to add planned.

Message edited 5/10/2007 7:06:13 AM.

Re: old fashioned

Accidents happen and I think the worst thing anyone could ever do is judge or decide on a person's character based upon how/when they have a child (whether it's out of wedlock or too old or too young...). I raised my first child all on my own for several years before marrying my husband, today she and he are so close most people don't know he's not her "birth" father. Now that we are expecting #2, I am happier to be married this time around...it makes it feel less stressful, but to be honest, I am THRILLED that I was not married to my ex. That would've been absolutely dreadful! I do think that you should do what is comfortable for YOU...in the end, how you are going to handle it emotionally is far more important than what anyone else thinks. And becoming a parent, married or not, is quite emotional.

Re: old fashioned

Posted by snuggleupagus

Accidents happen and I think the worst thing anyone could ever do is judge or decide on a person's character based upon how/when they have a child (whether it's out of wedlock or too old or too young...). I raised my first child all on my own for several years before marrying my husband, today she and he are so close most people don't know he's not her "birth" father. Now that we are expecting #2, I am happier to be married this time around...it makes it feel less stressful, but to be honest, I am THRILLED that I was not married to my ex. That would've been absolutely dreadful! I do think that you should do what is comfortable for YOU...in the end, how you are going to handle it emotionally is far more important than what anyone else thinks. And becoming a parent, married or not, is quite emotional.

Re: old fashioned

Accidents are accidents and I do not believe should necessarily be judged.

However, personally-I agree with the first reply. I would not plan a pregnancy pre marriage. I think it could make things very difficult in the long run.

Re: old fashioned

Re: old fashioned

I might be old fashioned but I wouldn't want to have a child without being married. I think that the child deserves their parents to have a solid foundation before bringing them into the world. JMO.

Re: old fashioned

I have a 2 boys and their father and I just got married last Saturday after living together for 6 years.

Both of my sons were unplanned - and honestly I would never plan a pregnancy before marriage. I guess - even with my 2 out of wedlock - that makes me old fashioned.

There are chronic communication problems and challenges - questions about why the last names are not mine (yes, even in 2007). In order to have them put on my husband's insurance we were told that he would have to get a QMCSO (child support order for medical) - even though we were together! Barring that - he had to claim them on his tax returns every year. I was not allowed to claim my own kids or they wouldn't get medical!

And so many people would ask if Rob was the father of my children. He actually started telling people that he was already married at work to avoid any aspwersions being cast about the legitimacy of his sons.

Anyway. I don't think you are 'old fashioned' - or at least if you are, it is in the very best way!


ETA: I don't think being unmarried necessarily means that the foundation of the family is 'flawed' as some may indicate. I think it depends on the people involved. Rob and I were as solid as many newlyweds when we had our first son. Proof is in the pudding - we are still together and our son will be 6 next year. We know three couples who were married before we had our son and 1 that was married the same year - all of them are divorced are in the process.

Message edited 5/11/2007 7:46:35 AM.

Re: old fashioned

IMO there is nothing wrong with having a child before you are married. I got married this pst January and our 8 year old son walked me down the aisle.

Re: old fashioned

I don't think I am old fashioned but I believe a child is a bigger commitment than marriage. If I am not ready to marry someone I would not purposely have a child with them.