One set of grandparents moving - please help! (a little long, sorry!)

Hello ladies!

DS is scheduled to arrive between 3 and 4 weeks from now My IL's are moving up to Saratoga mid-October when DS is a little over a month old. They say that they will be coming back to L.I. every 6 weeks or so (FIL's mother and sisters are still here as well - they are just kooky and want off the Island ASAP).

I'm wondering how it's going to work with holidays. My parents are still here and will obviously want to spend the holidays with us. The IL's will be staying with us when they come down.

I'm just wondering how it's going to work with holidays from now on. We usually spent Thanksgiving with my IL's - it was just me, DH, and them (hardly a "holiday" - more like just a Sunday dinner) and we did Christmas Eve with my parents and my mom's side. We have hosted Christmas Day at our house for the past few years with my parents, my IL's and my dad's side of the family. In all, we usually have about 15 people for a sit-down dinner. DH wants to change it this year because he feels like it might be too much with the baby. He wants to just do the Eve with my family and the Day with just his family. I KNOW that my parents and my dad's side are going to want to see DS on the actual Christmas Day. I don't see what the big deal would be keeping things as they were (the IL's would be going to one of FIL sister's houses for the Eve) - Yeah, there will be one extra tiny little person in the mix, but there won't be a lack of people wanting to hold him and take care of him while I prepare things, KWIM?

Sorry for the rambling - I guess I'm just wondering what you would do i you were in this situation. I'm a little pizzed at my IL's - they have wanted to move off L.I. for YEARS and NOW they decide to leave? A month after their first grandchild is born???

If you made it through, thank you!

Re: One set of grandparents moving - please help! (a little long, sorry!)

I am having them same issues. We usually split.. one set gets Thanksgiving and Easter and christmas eve.. or a few days before.. One gets Christmas...

But, with the baby.. I don't want to give up any of his first holiday's to the IL's.. I will... but, I don't want to!!

I know that in the end.. My family will get Christmas and his will get the rest. My brothers only come in to town twice a year.. So if they come on Christmas... my family gets it.

We have our IL's in NJ.. I just don't think it's realistic to do both families on Christmas.

Good Luck.. It's tough.. and bad feelings always happen.

Re: One set of grandparents moving - please help! (a little long, sorry!)

we are in somewhat of a pickle too. We live upstate (10 min from Saratoga ) and both of our parents live on LI. My parents are divorced, but on great terms. For some holidays DH's family will invite my family too - this makes things very easy. But... on other holidays we end up going all over the place. For example, on Thanksgiving, we have lunch with DH's grandma (fathers side) in westchester, drive back to LI to have dinner with my mom and dad and then over to DH's other side of the family (mothers side) also on LI. Its been crazy and this will be the first year with DD. Im putting my foot down and picking one place. If they can work it out and all get together, great.. if not, we'll have to see someone on another day.

good luck!!! this stuff always seems so challenging!

Re: One set of grandparents moving - please help! (a little long, sorry!)

I *totally* feel your pain. I'm from upstate and DH is from LI. We live on LI.

For the first 7 years we were dating (even the first year we were married), DH and I NEVER spent Thanksgiving or CHristmas together, we'd go to our own family celebrations b/c neither of us were willing to miss our own. I HATED it, and we argued every year.

Now, since DD came 2 years ago, we do this: we go to my sister's house in Rochester for Thanksgiving. I want DD to be in HER house for Christmas, so we stay here for Christmas...my mom usually comes down, so that helps...and we spend Eve & Day with in-laws.

It's not my ideal set-up, but it works for us. DH is still annoyed that we miss his mom's Thanksgiving, but we go there for leftovers a few days later.

Now that my sister had a baby and my mom has a grandchild here and a grandchild in Rochester, I don't know what she'll do for Christmas since I'm sure, like me, my sister will want her DD to be in her own home for Christmas...my poor mom will have to choose. And it will make me so sad if my mom's not here with us for Christmas (obviously I'd understand her sharing time between the grandkids, but it would still be hard).

So, no advice, just lots of because holidays are always stressful, esp. when you have some/all family OOT.

Re: One set of grandparents moving - please help! (a little long, sorry!)

Thanks girls!

I can't believe I'm stressing out about this already. isn't even here yet, but I'm such a planner that I like to have a plan WAY ahead of time. I just want to continue the tradition of Christmas in our house with both sides, but DH wants it to be just his side because "it would be too much this year with everyone here plus the baby"

Why should just HIS parents see the baby on Christmas Day? Why can't we just do what we've always done? Ugh - sorry - I'm just so annoyed by this all.

Damn IL's moving. I think that's the thing that's irritating me the most. They are totally throwing a wrench into everything. This is their first grandchild (same for my parents) and I don't think they realize how complicated they are making everything. They don't HAVE to move, they just WANT to.


Anyone else have a situation like this?

Re: One set of grandparents moving - please help! (a little long, sorry!)

I don't have a situation exactly like this but my parents live in Texas and DH's family lives either on LI or CT. We spend Thanksgiving with his family and we do a pre-Christmas with his family (since everyone wants to have their own thing Christmas day or spend time with their ILs) and we spend Christmas with my parents. Usually we fly to Texas because my parents, grandparents and aunt and uncle live there. And we have more time off to spend there since it is a longer trip. However, this year my parents are coming up to LI for about 2 weeks at Christmastime because we all want Liam to be home for his first Christmas.

Re: One set of grandparents moving - please help! (a little long, sorry!)

We are keeping it the same as always.

Thanksgiving: My family, his for dessert.
X-mas Eve: Mine
X-mas Day: His
X-mas morning, is ours. No one is to come over or bother us. I've already made that VERY clear. I've already had others try to change this too. But, I won.