Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

I have gone for many other opinions lately (yes.. still doing surrogacy) .. and I found that ALL of the doctors were very compassionate when I talked about my history.

I've noticed that the doctors I've seen that are NOT infertility doctors are the complete opposite when I talk about everything I've been through.

My general practitioner told me about people who had it worse than me and said I shouldn't be complaining. The hematologist I saw yesterday didn't bat on eye and I felt like I was talking to a stone cold wall. The rheumatologist I saw was slightly better, but still didn't show much in regards to empathy either, as she went down her list of questions about my loss. It seemed like NONE of these doctors were phased at all by my experiences.

It just makes me uncomfortable when I don't receive the level of support that I'm used to receiving from doctors who specifically run down a list of questions about my losses... I feel like the very LEAST the can do is disingenuously say they are so sorry to hear, etc.... even if they don't mean it!!


I guess what I'm really saying is it's hard for me to talk about things lately and when I feel like I'm not receiving even an ounce of support emotionally, it makes me uncomfortable. It's like saying I had a miscarriage gets the same reactions as if I were to say ".. and then I got a paper cut and it hurt for a whole week" ..


How do you ladies find it is when you talk about these things to doctors who are not REs? (or ob/gyns)

Please tell me I am alone here and have just encountered select few doctor with little empathy!! I'd love to hear that most are a lot more compassionate!!

Message edited 2/25/2012 1:14:48 AM.

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

Generally, I've found that most Dr.s are sympathetic to my experiences of loss, infertility and hardships. I have encountered a select few, not in the field, but specialists in other areas who I think are just plain ignorant. With these visits, I spend most of my time explaining what drugs I'm on, what they're used for, etc. rather than addressing the reason why I've spent an hr. in the waiting room. It boggles my mind that some Dr.s don't know commonly used drugs like Lovenox. It's ironic when drs then applaud you for knowing so much about medicine and I'm usually so drained from these types of appts. Ultimately, I think what it still comes down to is that pregnancy loss and infertility still do not receive the attention, they deserve. Not enough research, reports in the medical journals and women comfortable speaking up about their experiences in the media outlets.

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

I told PCP a few weeks ago. He was great... But his niece went through the same thing. I think its par for the course with the general public. If they haven't been through it or know someone else that has. Its doesn't phase them.

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

I was told NUMEROUS times "you're still young, these things happen"
That phrase alone IRKS the h e l l out of me!!! Young or not I'm still infertile with PCOS!!!!

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

Sorry you goot such poor reactions. All of my drs know my history. My PCP happens to be such an amazing woman and was very compassionate. She gave me suggestions but didnt know a lot about meds. She actually said " are your boobs sore? because thats a good sign"
In general, I have found that dr's are just people and although they are working in medicine, they are only familiar with their area of expertise. For example, I work in banking.. I would be able to educate people on budgeting/insurance/business loans, etc... but I wouldnt be able to educate someone on their hedge fund. In addition, people who are in science type of field are not generally the best with bedside manner. It's just something that has to do with their personality traits.
Sorry PennyCat Come to the boards for support.

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

I've found from working with doctors that while some are very talented and brilliant they're missing a little of that compassion and are just very straightforward and to the point. IMO it's nothing personal but it's as if they view patients from more of a scientific point. Sorry you had to go through this

Message edited 2/25/2012 9:58:25 AM.

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

You would almost think it would be the opposite and the fertility specialists would be numb to it having dealt with issues all the time and having seen worse cases than anyones.

Some doctors just have no bedside manner though and shouldn't be Drs.

I have encountered even with other medical fields that unless the dr specifically deals with that sort of issue they really have no clue about it.

I went for a preauth for my laparoscopy and told the nurse why i was there and the stupid nurse asked me why I didn't just try weigh watchers!! Um not a lapband you arse, it involves my falopian tubes. This was just the stupid nurse but still.

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

Also, I think it's the same for every individual who hasn't gone through IF. They just don't get it no matter what. They can sometimes be supportive and sympathetic but they just won't ever really know.

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

I find that some female docs are the. Worst when it comes to compassion. An RE I saw actually said " oh well better luck next time." and that's her specialty? I'm sorry they aren't compassionate to you. Unfortunetly that's something they can't teach in med school. And if they don't or haven't gone thru IF it's pointless to try to get them to relate.

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

It may be different because I am in NC now, but my doctors have all been very compassionate about my infertility struggle. I, particularly, love my GP who has been soooo supportive throughout the infertility and my post-party depression/anxiety.
They are out there!

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

docs are like people...some are douches some are great...but most are inbetween.

i get half and half. half compassionate...half just everything is a medical fact.

unless i get some retarded advice in the past that i didnt ask for ...i just took it all as..its their job they hear all this shiiiit allll the time.

then i would cry to my shrink or hubby.

i am sorry you are feeling iffy about the reactions of some of these docs

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

Posted by Journey33


Sorry PennyCat Come to the boards for support.

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

I think I'm not that attuned to the empathy piece because I'm very business with them...like I bristle at being coddled and comforted and having news sugar-coated when I want the hard, honest answer I need to get pg. However, they have not said any of the dumb, offensive comments that my OBGYN made when it started to become clear that something was off. That's nice: the thoughtfulness of choosing their words carefully.

I will say that every RE practice I've gone to runs like a well-oiled machine in comparison to most other offices. Now when I go to see a regular doctor and I sit in the waiting room for an hour, I sorta know it's unnecessary (since not all offices run that way) and I start to get pizzed.

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

I have found that specialists in other areas just don't get it! I had my yearly physical with my internist and he asked what's going on I explained I am about to start another cycle of IVF and his response was 'how come I can't conceive naturally since I have other children'! If the a$$ h*** read my chart he would have seen under birth control "tubal"! Then he was so abrupt to change the topic.

You are definitely not alone they are just insensitive, ignorant beings.

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

Like most things in life, if you haven't been through it yourself it is hard to be sympathetic. Also, I feel many doctors view infertility purely as a medical issue and many keep emotions out of medicine for different reasons. I know all about people being insensitive. Most of my doctors, yes. My first IF doctor after a year of seeing him every single week...still had no idea who i was or what my issues were at each apt.
But i never expected any compassion from them reall,y. what &issed me off was close family being stupid. After years of IF, losses, infusions, medical procedures etc etc my aunt would STILL say with a laugh," ohhhh go and have a few drinks and relax and you will be fineeeee it will happen when you relax (giggle)" i wanted to punch people in the face when they KNEW what i was going through and still took such a jovial attitude.

So many hugs to you

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

You are not alone. I feel the same way. My regular endo, and OBgyn have this whole "Relax it will happen" approach.

Sorry you are not receiving the support you deserve.

You still have us darling, and we will ALWAYS be supportive and sympathetic.

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

Message edited 2/27/2012 2:49:01 PM.

Re: Other doctors, regarding infertility and loss

Posted by maybemommy10



After years of IF, losses, infusions, medical procedures etc etc my aunt would STILL say with a laugh," ohhhh go and have a few drinks and relax and you will be fineeeee it will happen when you relax (giggle)" i wanted to punch people in the face when they KNEW what i was going through and still took such a jovial attitude.

So many hugs to you