Parenting skills differences... (LONG)

My Dh and I have been fighting on how and when we should be disciplining our son. Caiden is almost 28 months, so he's not even 2.5 yrs old. Everytime we go out to eat, we fight and Caiden does nothing but cry because of daddy. We'll get a booth and Caiden will sit at first and color, etc., but then after a little bit he'll want to get up and looks around, and watches what's going on. He doesn't jump around or anything or annoy people so to me I just let him do it because he's bored and to me he's not being bad. Well, my DH thinks differently. He does nothing but continuosly makes Caiden sit down and doesn't let him be a 2 yr old. So after my DH makes Caiden sit after numerous times trying, Caiden starts crying then and is not happy. So any struggles between him and my DH get worse from that point on. My DH says he's not listening and needs to behave when we go out to eat. Please tell me how do you expect a 2 yr. old to just sit and behave and not do anything until his food comes out? Also, when he is eating, he'll eat maybe just the sauce that comes with the food and then my DH starts in again with Caiden eat your noodles, eat this eat that, trying to take the fork in his hand get "food" on it. I've told him to just leave him alone and he will eat, but the more you fuss with him he won't. Well, my DH didn't listen and fussed with him and Caiden didn't eat. Now all of this isn't just when we go out to eat, but he just feels that Caiden needs to listen and be a big boy. HE'S ONLY TWO!!! I argue with him that I know Caiden is very smart and big for his age, but he is still only two. His expectations are that of a 5 or 6 year old. He doesn't understand that the things that he does is what a 2 yr old does! It's soooo upsetting because Caiden just sits and cries for me because my DH is always disciplining him. Lately, my son has been saying that he wants daddy to work when he's going to be home that night. He just doesn't enjoy daddy like he used to. Now I can admit that I'm not as hard on him as my DH, and I try to discipline him for what he should be disciplined for. There are just too many times that my DH does it too much and I just feel for Caiden. It's really become a big argument in our house. How can I show my DH that he's only 2 and what he does is normal? He just keeps saying that he needs to learn! I understand that, but there is a limit. Can anyone offer any advice? Thanks!

Re: Parenting skills differences... (LONG)

I don't think I can offer advice but I will tell you your son is acting normal my daughter does the same things your son does and as long as she is not bothering anyone or yelling then I will let her stand up and look around. Also my DD doesn't always eat everything like last nite we went out to the diner for dinner and all she ate was her French Fries and I was fine with that FH had something to say about it I jsut told him to leave her alone as long as she is eating something she is fine. He also tries to get her to sit down I tell him listen let her be she isn't bothering anyone if you force her to sit down she will start to cry and cause a seen and do you want that cuz I don't and if you do that I will not go out to eat with you anymore

Re: Parenting skills differences... (LONG)

I have a 2 1/2 year old so I know what you are going through. It is hard but you have to start the discipline now or it will get out of control.
We have learned to get 1 meal between our 7 1/2 yr. old and the 2 1/2 yr. old because they never eat it all. It is such a waste of money. Maybe you can let him eat off of your plate or get "half" meals.

Re: Parenting skills differences... (LONG)

He sounds like a normal 2yo to me. My Son does the same thing in restaurants.

IMHO A common understanding between parents of what is acceptable behavior and how a child is disciplined is very important. Would it help DH if you showed him something like the milestones outlined in books like What to Expect the Toddler Years?

Re: Parenting skills differences... (LONG)

Maybe a mediator? Maybe your husband will listen if someone else told him that your son's behavior is normal. I would tell him that how caiden feels so that he sees that its directly effecting him. Maybe you shouldnt go out to dinner until this issue is resolved.

Re: Parenting skills differences... (LONG)

I see this with my niece who is 2 1/2 also. But it's my SIL who is more stern and expects Paige to behave. And my brother is more like you, let her be and she'll calm down and eat or whatever. It seems to sound like your DS is being perfectly normal for his age.

When DH and I have disagreements when it comes to raising Andrew I show him books and magazine articles that support either side. I think it helps DH to see what's expect from children at various stages.

Re: Parenting skills differences... (LONG)

I do not allow Molly to "watch" other people eat such as standing on the bench and turned to the bench right behind us. But it is very normal for her to try to do that. We just occupy her with other things. We only go to very kid friendly places and don't go out too often,
If this causes a fight then I would probably not go out very often at all.

Re: Parenting skills differences... (LONG)

That is really hard. However, I think you need to sit down and discuss with DH that your son will get confused by these mixed signals from you guys and that you need to both decide on the proper way to handle these situations. This will require some give on both of your sides. I agree that even a child as young as Caiden needs some kind of discipline, but DH may be expecting too much from such a little guy.

DH and I run into this frequently, because his solution is to remove DS from a situation before anything happens (i.e. church). My view is to remove him when the situation arises because, otherwise, he'll never know how to behave. I usually win and, lo and behold, my son usually behaves just fine.