People around NB

I feel bad now. Me & DH have been saying for so long that we don't want to do Christmas this year. My due date is Dec 15th. With DD I had to be induced at 41wks so we're not really holding our breath that this one will come early or even on time (although we're definitely hopeful). We're preparing for having the baby right there on that week of or before Christmas. Needless to say, I don't want to be out of the house after having just given birth. And I don't want lots of people coming here either. I'd rather just skip it.

Problem is, my mom, dad, sister and her 6 yr old are planning to fly out for Christmas and I'm ecstatic about having them over. But tonight MIL asked about having Christmas here at my house (she'd do all the cooking, etc, it would just be people coming over). I mentioned that I'm a little concerned about that many people being around a NB. It's a lot of germs. She got upset and made it seem as though I'm calling THEM all dirty, but my family is clean. Really I just would rather have 4 people over than twelve. My husband's little sister and her husband are flying in for Christmas and I said of course they should stop by and see us and baby! I don't mind have people coming over in installments, I just don't want THAT many people all crowding into my house at once with a baby who could potentially only be a few days old. I don't know why this is difficult for other people to understand. I feel awful though because I don't want to hurt feelings. Would you feel this way at all, or am I being unreasonable? At this point, part of me is just kinda like 'screw it, let's just invite the whole damn town over. I'm done'

Message edited 11/24/2015 9:05:08 PM.

Re: People around NB

I had dd1 on 12/18. I ended up with an emergency c-section and came home on 12/22. I was barely able to handle visits from our siblings on Christmas Eve, and parents on Christmas Day (no more than 4 visitors at any given point). I honestly think it's selfish of your relatives to ask to use your house. You don't know the circumstances of birth, how you will feel, let alone the germs around a newborn. I would be firm and say that there are way too many unknowns. I mean, after settling in with a newborn, do you really want your house turned upside down for a holiday and subsequent cleanup?

People around NB

Are you the only local one and everyone is flying in from all over? So nobody's house is an option other than yours?

I'd actually be ok with it. I think. The baby will be sleeping most of the time. Can you have the baby upstairs with a monitor? Obviously I'd say if anyone is even slightly sick to not come over.

People around NB

Wait a min. If you're due date is DC 15th and you go a week early. By the time you come home it would be on xmas! I'm changing my answer lol

Re: People around NB

People around NB

I would feel the same way as you. It's a lot of germs when you multiply the number of people around a newborn plus whether your MIL cooks or not it's still your house and you'd be hosting. No way!

People around NB

You're not being unreasonable to feel how you feel, but I do see a lot of this on LIF where ladies will allow their family to do something but not their inlaws. Of course that will lead to hurt feelings on your IL part. They're just as excited about the baby.

My 2nd was born in early December and we went to both my parents and inlaws for Christmas. I was nursing and held the baby 95% of the time, all was fine.

People around NB

Hell no I wouldn't want all those people in my house that soon after giving birth! I barely wanted people stopping by for an hour, let alone a full on holiday. I think they're being really selfish and probably just think it would be fun to be at your house and get to play with the brand new baby on the holiday. Tell them it's out of the question and that they clearly forget what it's like to give birth.

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People around NB

If you're not comfortable with it then I would just politely decline and say people can stop by at other times but you will not be hosting anything formal. Since this isn't your first baby you should have an idea of how you'll probably feel after birth and what you might or might not be up for.

That being said, we hosted a bris for our DS 8 days after giving birth. We got everything catered so I didn't have to do anything but we had about 20 people over. I didn't mind having company at all but everyone is different.

Re: People around NB

That's exactly what I'm trying not to do. I don't want it to seem as though MY family is more important than HIS family. But on the other hand, I get to see my family once a year (maybe twice if I'm lucky). They can't be here for the birth itself - DH's family can. With DD, they didn't even get to see her until she was already 2 months old. This time they want to see a newborn. I think it's completely justified to want to spend alone time with just them for a week without being made to feel guilty about that. But on the other hand, me and MIL are VERY close. It's not just a mother-in-law relationship, we're really good friends and do everything together. I love her to death and want her over as much as SHE wants to be over. I just don't want the entire family here. And it's not to snub them, it's just the amount of people and germs and feeling overwhelmed. I feel like there's too many unknowns for me to commit to ANYTHING. If he's born late then I already know I want nobody in this house except a very very few. If he's born early, then that could change things and I could be totally up for holiday company. So I don't think we should plan for anything at my house either way. I think a compromise would be to have her do it at her house (it's very small, but it is what it is) and we can just stop by for a bit, or they can come stop by my house for a bit but not stay.

I don't know. I just remember when DD was born I hated having company because I physically did not feel well and I was without sleep or proper showers, nothing fit so I felt frumpy and gross and uncomfortable. Plus I was trying to get used to a NB which took a lot of adjusting. So I fear putting myself in a situation that causes discomfort and stress. But I also fear making the family upset feeling hurt, etc. I really don't know what to do.

People around NB

If your MIL hosts at her house, who will be there? Would you be able to stop by for dessert maybe?
I didn't realize you had an older DD too, so I'm sure your MIL is close with her and what's to see her for xmas.
If that's your relationship with your MIL I don't see it at all her being selfish. I'm sure she's trying to help you enjoy Christmas in your own home and her offering to cook is her helping.

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People around NB

I'm with you 100%. You should absolutely be able to spend time with just your family, who you never get to see over your ILs. I also agree about not having too many people around a NB. I'm tentatively scheduled for a c-section that same week and if everything goes well and the baby leaves the hospital when I do am contemplating having JUST parents over on Christmas (I hope I get ALL the drugs). I'll have it catered and my mom can come early to heat everything up if needed.

Re: People around NB

Re: People around NB

Re: People around NB

I would rather her just plan Christmas without me and depending on when baby is born, I can at least try to come for dessert and pictures. If her concern were being with DD then I would tell her to just come over Christmas morning and be part of opening gifts rather than a whole Christmas Eve or Christmas Day thing. I don't know. I just really hope we can compromise somehow.

I'd tell her that then- give her the options, to come over for gifts in the morning or you can swing by for dessert. I think those are two totally reasonable options. From your original post it sounded to me like you didn't want to see her at all, which I would also get, but kinda stinks for her. I think she's just excited for another grandkid- I mean what could be a better Christmas gift than that??

Re: People around NB

Posted by Momma2015

I would rather her just plan Christmas without me and depending on when baby is born, I can at least try to come for dessert and pictures. If her concern were being with DD then I would tell her to just come over Christmas morning and be part of opening gifts rather than a whole Christmas Eve or Christmas Day thing. I don't know. I just really hope we can compromise somehow.

I'd tell her that then- give her the options, to come over for gifts in the morning or you can swing by for dessert. I think those are two totally reasonable options. From your original post it sounded to me like you didn't want to see her at all, which I would also get, but kinda stinks for her. I think she's just excited for another grandkid- I mean what could be a better Christmas gift than that??

People around NB

Firstly, I don't think there is anything wrong with hosting one side of the family at a time, even without a newborn. It's your choice.
My thing about newborns and holidays is that people come sick. You can't ask people to stay home by themselves because they have a cough or cold, lol. That could be an issue anywhere, whether you are hosting or not. But I guess if there are fewer people, there is less of a chance of someone being sick. And if you are somewhere else and uncomfortable with the situation, you can always leave.
It's possible someone in your family will get sick either right before coming or on the plane. There are no guarantees with fewer people.
I wouldn't want to commit because you don't know when the baby will come and how you will be feeling.
Bottom line, it's your choice. Don't feel guilty about whatever you decide to do.

Message edited 11/25/2015 6:26:32 PM.

Re: People around NB

My pediatrician would never be ok with that. Tell her your doctor said its a very bad idea, she will understand. I also find that no matter how sick people are, they still show up.

Message edited 11/27/2015 1:46:26 PM.

Re: People around NB

Re: People around NB

Everyone is different and you're entitled to feel how you want. DS1 was due on Christmas. He ended up being born on the 12th after a failed induction and c-section. We had also just moved into our house a week before he was born. We ended up hosting Christmas Eve and had my parents, MIL and DH's siblings over. DH, MIL and SIL did the cooking and I took care of DS. It was actually nice having everyone over. I preferred that over what we did the next day, which was travel an hour away to FIL's house. DH's siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins were there. I mostly took care of the baby on both days. People who wanted to hold him washed their hands. It's all about your comfort level.