Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

Can you please share with me what your dh's do at home as far as chores and how much time they spend with the kids.

I am at my wits end with my DH. He does NOTHING around here at all. He NEVER takes intiative to do anything on his own..I have to tell him EVERYTHING. And then of course I get labelled a nag or whatever else.

He hardly spends any time with the baby other than a half hour in the morning when she crawls around and he basically sits there and watches her.

I really cannot take it anymore. I am so done. I thought marriage was a partnership?? I understand he works but his entire life has become his job. If thats what he wanted out of life, why didnt he just stay single without kids???

UGH...I am STRESSED!

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

DH is at work during their awake hours M-F. But on the weekends he is the primary caregiver, his choice since he misses them so much during the week.

As far as household chores, I go to bed first so he'll turn on the dishwasher before he goes to bed. He also takes care of our laundry on the weekend, I tend to do the kids and the white washes during the week.

But I've learned I have to be specific. He will do anything I ask, but I have to ask. It sometimes annoys me since he can see the same things I do, but it is what it is.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

DH doesn't do much unless I "nag". He will play with her for about 20 minutes when he gets home. He never does diapers. He rolls his eyes if I even ask for him to get her milk. I just gave up trying. Once every few weeks he surprises me and helps out a ton without me saying a word. The thing he does always do is when we are at friends house or out in public he chases and watches her for me. But I am not sure if he would do that if I wasn't 30 weeks pregnant.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

I am DS primary caregiver. DH (dam husband) basically makes his formula, throws out the garbage and watches DS from 4-6pm till I get home. Other then that I do EVERYTHING else. I am sick of fighting with him about helping me. If I dont tell him I need something else done he wont take the initiative.

I hate DH right now. Hopefully after all my "complaining" it will sink into his head.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

Im sorry you're going thru this, I can say my DH is not consistent in what he does, he'll be great some weeks and then when he's really busy he's MIA and I'm a single mom. He owns his own biz so I cut him some slack but it's frustrating nontheless as I work full time also. Anyway, on a good day he will get Ryan up, change diaper, dressed, do his neb treatment and feed him his bottle while I get ready for work. The baby is then ready for me to feed him breakfast and we're out the door.
DH never does the bedtime routine (I enjoy it) but he will make bottles for the next day without me asking IF he has nothing else going on. He will start dinner on rare occassion, feeds the dogs and will help me clean up dinner. He rarely helps out overnight unless Ryan has been up a few nights in a row and I need a break. I have to tell him "it's your turn to take the monitor".

He will throw laundry in, fold it, vacuum if asked, and does everything outside.
On a bad day he's out the door while I'm feeding the baby and running late for work, and he's home after the baby is in bed and up late working on estimates....so he does nothing those days. He's gotten better about balancing things, I find when he knows what specific things need to be done he'll do them rather than waiting for me to ask, can you try to assign your DH things to do daily? I know it's supposed to be a partnership but I odn't know many wives who feel it's an equal one.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

DH does his own laundry (we do separate laundry) and cooks every night. We spend almost every nigh together playing with Andrew unless DH has boxing.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

I do it all most days. When he is home after work(4pm on) he does take care of the baby-changes diapers, feeds her etc. He helps me fold laundry and clean up after I cook dinner. On weekends he is good around the house and will help me straighten up and give DD her baths. But I do feel the brunt of the household work and I can totally relate

Message edited 8/1/2007 2:11:25 PM.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

I could have written your post a few weeks ago. It has gotten better when I broke down to him and cried and told him I NEED his help. I dont mind being home with them during the day but at night is is really rough, because we have a system on how we put the boys down.

Have you tried talking to him??
Also maybe you two need a night out. We took a few days off and went away for 3 days and it has helped.
I just hope he continues what he is doing

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

DH helps a lot. He spends all afternoon with him, takes me to the laundromat every week to do laundry and while we are there he entertains DS. He irons my work clothes for me everynight while I give DS a bath. Sometimes I complain to that he does not do anything or not enough but then I sit back and think about all he does and I am grateful for it.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

I FEEL YOUR PAIN....My Dh and I had it out this morning when DD needed to be fed. It was 6am, I have been waking up with her ALL the time when she wakes up early to eat. he gave me an attitude this am and I lost it

i was yelling "she is your dd too...blah, blah, blah" we are still not on the best terms today

Anyways, his "job" around the house is taking care of the lawn/outside work, taking out the garbage and helping with DD (which he needs to step up a bit )

It is so frustrating when I work all day and need to come home and
1) do the dishes
2) do laundry
3) feed the baby
4) Play with the baby (he does this too)
5) bathe the baby (dh has not done this in WEEKS)


SO ANNOYING...men

ETA: I want to give my dh some credit...he is GREAT with dd and he loves to play with her...it is only when she gets fussy that he wants to hand her off

Message edited 8/1/2007 1:47:26 PM.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

Groceries
laundry (I just started relieving him of that)
Fix my lunch and dinner (take out, quick meals, sanswiches)
Holding DS when I need to pump
Holding DS if he cries too much and I need a break
Take garbage out
Help me clean the bottles
Empty and put dishes in dishwasher

Just to name a few.

DH is a great support. I considered myself spoiled before we had the baby. Now, it's feel like great support.

Message edited 8/1/2007 1:55:08 PM.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

i have to say that dh does alot and really takes good care of us. yes, occasionally i have to nag him to do things or show him things like how to fold the towels LOL!

dh
*prepares her food for daycare
*we share responsibilities with picking and dropping her off at dc
*he feeds her when i work late
*he always gives her a bath. thats their "daddy and hannah" time.
*he takes her for walks or swims in the pool
*changes lots of diapers
*takes the garbage out
*does laundry (although i have to nag him on this somtimes).
*generally i try to clean on my days off, but he will mop and vacuum if i ask.
*he takes care of the pool and lawn

we both work so its just easier to share the responsibilities. it is taking some time to figure out the morning routine of who feeds her etc.

it took a LONG time for this to work out. lots of tears and long talks.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

Dh has been very good, he'll do anything I do (except for cooking, he definitely can't cook!).

He gives them baths, feeds them, changes the diapers, dresses them, plays, reads bedtime stories, rock them to sleep, et.

I'm very lucky to have him.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

My DH gets home at 4pm. At that point he takes baby G so I can do the house stuff that he does not do, like the laundry. We both make dinner. He usually watches baby G so I can eat first (because baby G has radar & wakes up screaming every single time I want to eat!). hTen he does his tummy time with Baby G, and then I take him & we read. Usually by then baby G is napping just in time forr DH & I to watch some TV. He wakes at 10. I feed him, but then DH burps & changes him into his night clothes.

I have to say, when DH was working later hours further away, it was a whole different story. He'd spend maybe 20 min with the baby & heaven forbid he helped if I asked

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

M-F DH is at work before they get up. I get them ready for daycare and pack thier meals, or get them set up fro the day when my mom and mil are there.

DH either picks the kids up from daycare or comes right home after work at 1:00 pm. He gets them ready for their nap and they are in bed from about 1:30 until - 5:00.

He gets them up and gives them some milk, changes them and I come home. I make dinner for us and them, he will help at times. Then for the rest of the night we are both doing stuff with them. Sometimes I will give them a bath while he stays downstairs and watches the game, but it is not all the time, about 50% of the time he helps with the baths in some way. We change them and put them to bed. DH sets up the diaper bag for the days they go to daycare, while I get their lunches together. I do more of the dishes but he does a good amount of them.

On the weekends we pretty much do eveyrthing together wiht them, except he will do the lawn and I will take care of them and play with them.

We are very 50 - 50, well maybe 60 - 40 since I do a tiny bit more It would not be acceptable if DH did not step up and do his share.

Message edited 8/1/2007 1:52:43 PM.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

My DH is very helpful and shares the chores. His jobs include:

laundry
evening baths for the kids (usually I take Molly and he takes Jack since he was in charge of nighttime baths from the start)
Takes out the garbage
All outside mowing, etc
I cook dinner, he does the dishes

Then at night we both just do what needs to be done as far as cleaning etc.

He knows I am super stressed during the day taking care of two kids and trying to get work done, so I think he does all of these things out of sheer fear that I will go postal on him at any moments time. Hey...whatever works, right?

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

DH does a lot...
he drives me crazy in other ways...

--he cooks for us (I usually take care of Bella when she isn't eating what we are eating)
--he cleans (we split)
--he does the laundry (we split)
--he picks her up from daycare every day.
--we switch off on who gets up with her at night and each weekend day one of us sleeps in.
--he does it ALL when I work late
--we switch off bathing an ddressing her for bed.
--he has an obsession with all things lawncare.

I lucked out...but no pats on the back here, I married him KNOWING that he would be like this. If not, I would have married someone else who did...50/50 parenting is make or break to me...but that is me.

Message edited 8/1/2007 1:54:23 PM.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

DH is also VERY helpful, he works mon-fri-9-6, gets home at around 6-6:30 most nights, and prepares dinner, the rest of the night he helps with the feedings (takes any feeding's till 12PM, his choice b/c he misses the baby during the day so much- then i do the rest of the night since he gets up early for work), changes diapers, we do bath time together, on weekends he will grocery shop, help clean, he is wonderful, which is why there are times where i dont mind if he takes time for himself.

infact we are going to atlantic city in 2 weeks for a couple days with his mother, so we can play poker and i have a feeling i will be in the room with the baby most of the time (we aren't bringing him out of the room) which is fine with me b/c he deserves to have fun (although i am a big poker player too), i wouldnt have agreed to even go with the baby if DH wasn't so helpful and deserving of the trip

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

First

Second - have you sat down and told him all of this?

Third - I am not sure I am a big help, cause my DH does do alot of stuff around here - also when he sees me starting to get stressed out - he takes her and hangs out with her for a little while.

Depending how the morning is going he will get her out of the crib, change her diaper, and play with her for a couple of minutes in the morning, he makes her bottle and if I need him to - he will give her the bottle as well (she doesn't really drink it on her own )
Then if he can he will hang out with her for a little bit before he leaves for work.

When he comes home from work - she is at the door to greet him he takes her plays around with her for a couple of minutes and then takes her upstairs and lets her play with her toys while he changes.
Then depending when dinner is - we all hang out - usually outside playing on the lawn with the dog.

I make dinner he usually hangs out with her - or we put on a movie as we prepare for dinner.
We have always had an un-said rule in our house - if I cook he cleans and vice-versa. Occasionally we change that cause he 95% of the time gives DD her bath after dinner, gets her changed and then we all play together and then I give DD her last bottle and then put her to bed for the night.

Chores wise - he does the lawn (mowing, watering, etc), takes the garbage out, stuff like that.

He cleans bathrooms - and I do the laundry. We have always had a set up like this - even before the baby was born.

I do the grocery shopping - but if I ask him to pick things up he will (plus we live 2 blocks from king Kullen and Dairy Barn is around the corner

And 95% of the time, if I ask him to do something he will.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

Posted by Diane

I could have written your post a few weeks ago. It has gotten better when I broke down to him and cried and told him I NEED his help. I dont mind being home with them during the day but at night is is really rough, because we have a system on how we put the boys down.

Have you tried talking to him??
Also maybe you two need a night out. We took a few days off and went away for 3 days and it has helped.
I just hope he continues what he is doing

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

He cuts the lawn and does the dogs ears and nails. THAT'S IT!
I consider myself a single parent.

ETA He drops off at daycare, but I'm starting to think I should do that too.

Message edited 8/1/2007 2:29:32 PM.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

Message edited 8/1/2007 2:29:11 PM.

Re: Please share your husbands responsibilities with me..I AM STRESSED OUT!

my dh doesnt do much around here since he works alot of hours. usually 7am-830pm on a good night or he comes home at 10pm.

his responsibilities are
garbage
cat box
lawn and outside items
working to support our house and put food on the table


i wish he spent more time with olivia on the weekends and gave me a break but its hard and we are trying to get him to spend an hour alone with him but she wants mommy all the time.

when olivia was born i did everything and still do. take care of a baby, food shop, make dinner, do laundry, buy gifts for his family and i can be overwhelming at times but i learned to let things go. so what if we dont have a new meal every night. left overs arent bad. and so what if the laundry doesnt get done right away as long as we have clothes whats the problem. dont let things get to you. do things at your own pace and what makes you happy. it makes a happy marriage.

Message edited 8/1/2007 2:30:49 PM.