Pre-teens and Facebook - Thanks

How do you feel about this.

I have friends on facebook that have daughters around the same age as my daugher (11 or 12). I recently received friends requests from their daughters. I know them pretty well, they are friends with my daughter through girl scouts, sports, etc. I am also a girl scout leader and my husband coaches sports.

I'm really not comfortable accepting them as a friend for a few reasons.

1. I think they're too young to be on there and to have a page.
2. People may post things on my wall about me and my personal life, drinking, flirty content etc. Don't get me wrong, my page is pretty clean. Most of my friends are in their 30-40's and are married but we do like to joke around.
3. I won't let my daughter have a page so how can I be hyocritical and condone them having a page.

Bottom line is, I'm not accepting them as my friend. But I was just curious if I'm being to old-fashioned about it.

Message edited 2/10/2009 3:45:20 PM.

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

i don't think you're being old fashioned. IMO i don't think pre-teens should be on facebook unless they are being VERY monitored by their parents. you shouldn't have to worry about whether something on your page might be too inappropriate for them to see, since you are an adult! obviously they just want to up their friend count.

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

I agree about not accepting them as friends since you are involved with them on a somewhat professional manner. I used to advise a high school youth group, and some fellow advisors had problems due to IMing with the kids.

But I will also say that its probably a positive sign that they sent you requests, I'd take it as a sign that they're not trying to hide anything from their parents while on FB.

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

I hate to hurt their feelings by not accepting them but I just cannot bring myself to do it. I wish there was a way to accept them but only allow them to see certain things. I'm pretty sure there's no way of doing that.

For now, I didn't click on anything so that if my profile comes up it will on say "Friend Requested".

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

I won't accept Friend Requests from my own niece AND she is on her mother's friend list.

I am a nerd and sent her the TOS which states that you have to be 13 AND IN HIGH SCHOOL to have a page.

And while it SHOULD be a positive sign that she is friending me, I have seen some of her pictures and it is just a sign as to how clueless she is regarding what is appropriate behavior for someone her age.

- I have the same reasoning as you, while my page is clean as a whistle - I can't control comments on there until I review them. . . so who knows what people may write joking around? and how long they would be on my page until I saw them?

ETF: spelling

Message edited 2/9/2009 10:32:25 AM.

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

I don't have a problem with them being on there, however, they should stick their friends. I would deny them, but send them a little email:

"thanks for the friends request but My page is way to boring for you, lol. I'm so old!"

I would make it like a joke and leave it at that.

its the same thing with teachers and their students requesting them.

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

That's a nice way of saying it. I love it.

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the feedback.

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

I agree with you 100%. We have friends who's two daughters (10 and 11) created pages without telling them.

To make matters worse, they LIED about their ages making themselves 17.

Right after they sent my DH and I friend requests he called their parents and asked them about the pages.

They were pizzed but apparently let one keep hers up. The other (older one) had to take hers down b/c she REFUSED to change her age!!!

At any rate, I totally think it's inappropriate for kids that young to have either a Facebook or mySpace page.

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

Do "I" agree with them being on facebook...No I dont want my dd on facebook at 11 BUT I seriously dont care what others are doing bc there are SOOOOO many things I wouldnt let my dd do that others let theirs do. I worry about my own.
Would I accept her...NOPE!
Shes not your friend, your peer, your buddy... You are her elder no matter what... You need to remain in that light. Kids dont think that concrete...they just send out friend notes to whoever they have seen in their life.

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

I am in a similiar situation. I coach basketball for pre-teen girls and have received friend requests. I will not accept them.

IMO they do not need to see whats going on on my page and in my personal life. And I think they are too young for these social networking sites.

I do not think that you are old-fashioned at all.

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

I don't think you're being old fashioned at all. In general, I don't accept "friends" who aren't actually my friends - and your friends' kids probably aren't really your friends, so using those guidelines, I'd do the same as you.

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

I wouldn't accept them...your reasoning would be my reasoning as well!

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

My daughter is 9 and has a page on facebook not myspace. The first thing I made clear was that she can have acct. to play yoville (with cousins) and if I see or hear her typing too much I'm right over her shoulder monitoring. I told her not to request of any of my friends bc we are adults. She currently only has my sister, and her godmother.

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

my niece is 10.5 and has one, but I don't mind her being on...but I see your point about having a advisor/coaching relationship with them.

I have former students as friends, but they have graduated college - I haven't been asked before that, but I think I'm going to keep that guideline - 4 years past graduation.

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook

Thanks again everyone. I'm definitely not going to accept them as a friend. I think I may use the the line "My page is way too boring for you" in a joking way next time I see them. LOL

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook - Thanks

I personally wouldn't accept them as a friend either. My friends post things that I wouldn't want kids reading and I also like having contact with my good friends a kid free zone.

Re: Pre-teens and Facebook - Thanks