RE: Children with special needs...thoughts...

I know this is a sensitive subject and Im just asking for advice or opinions or just thoughts...

We have cousins, we're not super close, but we have no hard feelings between families, we totally go to all of eachother's baby, bridal, weddings, etc. We're distant cousins, but we treat eachother with total respect, our parents have always had great relationships and respect for eachother...

My sister and I are usually more the types to say "lets get together" to anyone, especially family that we dont see too often. and sometimes you get so caught up in life that you dont see family members nearly enough. Especially now that we all have children, we always say, lets get the kids together, all of us are SAHMs, within 40 minutes of eachother..
(we never really hung out as teens they grew up out here, we grew up in queens, but now that we moved out here, my sis is out here alot also, etc.) They are much more shy/introverted than us, so Im understanding of that..

ONe of them has a special needs child. A precious, adorable girl, we dont know her exact challenges, but we do know that she cannot walk or has trouble walking. Shes now 5 and has never been to ANY family function, (in their immediate family) no showers, weddings, nothing. Her mom always says "shes with grandma" and thats it. They never once mentioned any issues she has, any just once in 5yrs showed us a picture (when she was a few months old). It makes it so akward to even say "how is she doing, lets get the kids together!"
I understand she may be sad or uncomfortable but she should know that we would love and accept her daughter as one of the kids.


Well, until today, we have never even met her My sis and I took our kids out today, and bumped into her and her hubby and their daughter. SHe was in a red wagon with her toys. I said hi to her, introduced my boys, we chatted for aquick bit, and they discreetly made a beeline to separate from us... Her hubby even said something like "ahh, shes lounging today" It just makes the whole situation so confusing. What do we say, do we say anything? we just chatted with her and said where the rest of us were, if they wanted to join us (the kids were on the slides so we had to go watch the other half of the bunch)...

I guess Im just asking how you would approach this. or we really dont plan to approach her or approach the subject, but I feel like its uncomfortable how they never bring her out, never mention anything at all, nothing ever. and the kids never get to know eachother.. Then we also found out she's preggo again, but didnt congratulate her, because thats a big secret too (obviously shes not showing yet....)

Just wanted to hear anyone's thoughts. Im sure that we all deal with sensitive issues so differently and we dont know what someone else is going through or feels... but our kids play with her sisters kids, and feel bad not having the kids play with her sweet daughter...

thanks for any thoughts.

Message edited 4/19/2006 3:28:32 PM.

Re: RE: Children with special needs...thoughts...

I would just leave the situation alone. Her and her hubby sound like they want no part of socializing. Some people choose to isolate children like this, it's unfortunate but true.

Re: RE: Children with special needs...thoughts...

Posted by BlessedBMommi

I would just leave the situation alone. Her and her hubby sound like they want no part of socializing. Some people choose to isolate children like this, it's unfortunate but true.

Re: RE: Children with special needs...thoughts...

I think if it were me, I wouldn't force the issue. I would make say something that it was great to finally meet their daughter and if she ever wanted to get together, you'd really like that. Then I would leave the ball in her court.

Re: RE: Children with special needs...thoughts...

It could be that since they aren't that close to you, they don't feel comfortable around you. My dad was married to a woman for 15 years who had a very disabled daughter and she wouldn't bring her around my brother and I until she was sure we wouldn't make fun of her or anything. They'd had a very bad experience with neighborhood children apparantly.

ETA: I'm sure your children would be very nice to her, but maybe they are over-protective.

Message edited 4/19/2006 3:47:00 PM.

Re: RE: Children with special needs...thoughts...

Actually I did say "HI SWEETIE ITs so great to finally meet you !!" and then I was hoping it didnt sound like I was saying "its about time" It just makes every word awkward that it almost made it easier that they walked away. and her hubby did look at me as if to say "you never met her still ?"

We definitely dont force any conversation or anything. And actually we used to have MANY conversations about special needs and children in general since she was one of my inspirations to go into teaching, shes a special ed teacher (now a SAHM).

I guess it is uncomfortable for them, and I dont know how I would react, so I cant say "they should" do this or that.

We are very different personalities, they are much more to themselves, softspoken, private. but we've had many great memories together and we all get along very well, at least for the little that we do see eachother.