Posted By |
Message |
elyssa222
******
Member since 5/05 1541 total posts
Name:
|
Ready to have kids?
Are you considering having children? To determine whether you are truly prepared for the experience, we suggest you take this set of simple tests...
MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.
TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may use roofing tacks or broken bottles). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).
GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.
DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.
FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.
NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4AM. Set alarm for 5AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.
PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN) Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.
PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers
|
Posted 2/25/06 9:34 AM |
|
|
Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
MrsSchwags
Soccer Baseball Lax Mom
Member since 10/05 11240 total posts
Name: Jennifer
|
Re: Ready to have kids?
cute
|
Posted 2/25/06 10:04 AM |
|
|
CunningOne
***
Member since 5/05 26975 total posts
Name:
|
Re: Ready to have kids?
So true!
|
Posted 2/25/06 10:32 AM |
|
|
wowcoulditbe
wow, pic is already 1 yr old!!
Member since 1/06 6689 total posts
Name: D
|
Re: Ready to have kids?
thats adorable!
|
Posted 2/25/06 10:53 AM |
|
|
DebG
Pick a cause & stand up for it
Member since 5/05 18602 total posts
Name: The cure IS worse!
|
Re: Ready to have kids?
|
Posted 2/25/06 11:26 AM |
|
|
twobabies
Praying
Member since 7/05 9662 total posts
Name: Mrs. Honeybee
|
Re: Ready to have kids?
so true!!
|
Posted 2/25/06 12:09 PM |
|
|
dawnygirl25
Growing up soo fast..
Member since 1/06 14917 total posts
Name: Dawn
|
Re: Ready to have kids?
hahahahahaha! very cute
|
Posted 2/25/06 2:32 PM |
|
|
Potentially Related Topics:
Currently 1241910 users on the LIFamilies.com Chat
|