Really?? Why does this happen? (2 year olds and aggressive behavior)

Ugh. This is going to be long. I'm sorry in advance.

My son has a number of playmates - all his age - that come over for playdates. They're all around the 2.5 mark and all come from very well rounded homes. All of the children have shown aggression towards my DS. One comes right up to him and shoves him down every time they're near eachother. Another any time he can't have a toy that my DS has, he hits him (not hard but a hit non the less) on the head.
THen yesterday, a girl who he hasn't seen in almost a year came over and for no reason at all took the remote control to a car and whapped DS in the face with it

My DS is soooo passive - he just takes it and cries. The other parents will jokingly say "Hit 'em back" or "Push him back" but I don't want to encourage him to do that. At the same time I wish he'd stand up for himself a little bit and say NO!..

On the other hand, all of the parents of all of these other children kind of brush it off. THey will gently say something like "That's not nice. No hit." But it's not really getting through.

Does every kid go through this kind of stage? Has mine just not gotten there yet? My heart breaks for him when his little 'friends' hurt him. I wanna take care of them myself, you know It's hard to resist the urge to yell at the other kids.

Re: Really?? Why does this happen? (2 year olds and aggressive behavior)

Does this only happy when they are at YOUR house?

I ask because DS is so not aggressive at all! But I was helping a friend out babysititng her DD who is a few months older than DS. They had played together many times with no issues, but when she was staying here all day, she was "mean" to DS. She would hit him, tug at him, everything, when she didnt get her way, or when he had something she wanted. It ended after a few weeks (she was here 2x a week) but then DS would be aggressive with her whenever they had a disagreement. After a few more weeks and MANY timeouts for both, they were fine together.

I think it was a territory thing for her, being at his house all the time she had to flex her muscles. For DS then it was that she had set the tone for their friendship with her aggression.

I think its normal as now I will see it once in a while with DS, with other boys (never girls) and he is now nearly 3. 6 months ago he was always so gentle.

I was lucky thought that the mom of the little girl is very strict with her DD. Although she would say to me I like that she stands up for herself is she ever saw that it was automatic timeout!

Re: Really?? Why does this happen? (2 year olds and aggressive behavior)

I have been on both sides of this story.

When DS was 2, he was a whipping post for other kids. They would push him and take his toys and he would do and say nothing. I was like you...I didnt want to encourage him pushing or hitting back, but I also wanted him to stick up for himself.

All of a sudden this past summer when DS was 3 1/2 he flipped to the other side. I think it is a combination of things...him now having a younger brother who is touching his toys and he is getting territorial, age, rough housing at home like normal boys do with their dad (but its hard to tell a 3 1/2 yr. old they can rough house with Daddy and noone else) and maybe some sensory issues (he is a boys boy...like to jump, run, rough house, very sensory seeking). I do not promote this type of behavior...I try to catch him before he does it. Unfortunately sometimes I can't. I do put him in time out or give him consequences after I warn him. I also ask him to apologize.

I think it is normal to an extent for the age group. They are unable to communicate their wants, needs and emotions like adults do. I think at one point or another, all kids hit or push another child, some even bite.

If it is continous the other parents should instill some type of consequence but I'm not sure what you should say or do if they are laxed about it other than avoiding playdates with them.

Message edited 11/24/2010 9:54:22 PM.