reasons to want a baby

What are your reasons for wanting a baby? DH seems to think that I want one for the “wrong reasons” Personally I never viewed a child as a choice ( as in do I want one or not), but rather something I would one day experience. I have been married 7 years and feel as ready as I will ever feel. He seems to think I should have a “better reason” … can anyone verbalize why they want a baby? I cant. But I know I want one. Is that crazy?

Re: reasons to want a baby

I want to be a mother, to experience motherhood and pregnancy, but also, I really can't wait to create another life with my husband. I think that he is such a great person and I can't wait for there to be more of him in the world. Hopefully my side of gene pool doesnt taint that! But I have always wanted to be a mom. I think that it's hard to verbalize because it's just instinct for those that have it.....

Re: reasons to want a baby

I want to be a mother and do all the things that good mothers do. I want to be a family with DH. I think it will build on the stong bond we already have. Most of all I think is the purest form of LOVE and I certain want to give and feel that love!

Re: reasons to want a baby

There is nothing more fulfilling than being a mother. I have a DS and everyday there is something new to learn and discover. I see him growing and developing into his own person. It makes me so proud and so accomplished. We decided to try for our #2 because we always wanted a big family.

Re: reasons to want a baby

My reasons vary so much in meaning and intensity. Here they are in no particular order.

Having a child with DH is the ultimate expression of love between a husband and a wife. I would like to experience that with the person I am spending the rest of my life with. Together, we would provide the unconditional love a child needs.

I would also be very proud to perpetuate DH's family name and lineage. He is the last male in his family that can carry the name to a new generation.

Having lost my father last year, I would like to give the honor of carrying his name (in Hebrew) to my first child. It is a religious custom. As this child grows up, he or she will learn who their grandfather was and how he influenced his family to be who they are. My father was a kind, generous and gentle soul - the world needs more people like him for the future.

According to my faith, it is the responsibility of the female to perpetuate the Jewish religion by raising Jewish children. This has been in my heart as long as I understood how important it was to Judaism. I accepted that responsibility when I became of age at my Bat Mitzvah (to the level at which I understood it for a 13 year old) and promised myself and my family that is what I would do. I will stand alongside my children to educate them in their religious and cultural history.

Re: reasons to want a baby

The tax write off??

JUST KIDDING!!!

All kidding aside, I think some women just have that maternal instinct and want to be moms. They want to have a family, raise their kids and be happy. I'm not necessarily sure if that feeling can be put into words... I suppose you could compare it to knowing when you wanted to marry your spouse. Single people sometimes ask, "how did you know?" most say, "you just knew". I think it's the same with being a mother. You just know you want to be one...

Here's a question... Why do you need a reason to have children? Is your husband not ready to have children? Does he ever want children? I would assume this was something the two of you discussed before you got married. Maybe there's something else that is on his mind, therefor he's saying you don't have a good reason for wanting to have a child?'

Sorry, I guess that was more than just "a" question.

Re: reasons to want a baby

Hmm! Don't take offense to this, but it sounds more like your husband may not be ready and is using you as an exscuse. I could be totally wrong, and please don't get mad. I just think you should talk to him about it.
What could the "wrong reasons" be? You have a child to start a family of your own. To experience motherhood, and everything that goes along with that. It is hard to put into words.

Message edited 4/21/2007 7:39:41 PM.

Re: reasons to want a baby

Hopefully, to bring someone into the world who will continue to spread happiness and goodness wherever he or she may go. Sounds silly, but every other reason seems so selfish when you REALLY think about it. "I want someone to love" or "I want to create the ultimate expression of my love for my husband" or "I just feel it's right". Many reasons just sound so much like a personal need or fulfillment. Wait, hold on, I'm not saying they ARE, but they sound it. So, yes, I have those feelings, too, but I also needed to have another reason that was more worldly and not so 'id' if you know what I mean. Can't quite explain it.

Re: reasons to want a baby

Posted by MissJones

Hopefully, to bring someone into the world who will continue to spread happiness and goodness wherever he or she may go. Sounds silly, but every other reason seems so selfish when you REALLY think about it. "I want someone to love" or "I want to create the ultimate expression of my love for my husband" or "I just feel it's right". Many reasons just sound so much like a personal need or fulfillment. Wait, hold on, I'm not saying they ARE, but they sound it. So, yes, I have those feelings, too, but I also needed to have another reason that was more worldly and not so 'id' if you know what I mean. Can't quite explain it.

Message edited 4/22/2007 11:42:46 AM.

Re: reasons to want a baby

Posted by Goldi0218

Posted by MissJones

Hopefully, to bring someone into the world who will continue to spread happiness and goodness wherever he or she may go. Sounds silly, but every other reason seems so selfish when you REALLY think about it. "I want someone to love" or "I want to create the ultimate expression of my love for my husband" or "I just feel it's right". Many reasons just sound so much like a personal need or fulfillment. Wait, hold on, I'm not saying they ARE, but they sound it. So, yes, I have those feelings, too, but I also needed to have another reason that was more worldly and not so 'id' if you know what I mean. Can't quite explain it.

I just want to point out the distinction between an expression of love WITH versus FOR a spouse. And this is not to be combative.

In my case, it is not the expression of love FOR my husband, but WITH him.

I understand how many answers can be construed as selfish, but in my world, the only way I would ever have a child would be WITH the man I love. I took appropriate measures to make sure that I did NOT have a child before I was married. The decision NOT to have a child was based in family values and my interpretations of my own faith. All of the things I needed to raise a child, I had before DH was in my life. However, IMO, I felt my children deserve to have two stable parents who love each other deeply. Children deserve to see the love between two people. I do not think they see it enough nowadays.

(That is not to say that a single parent with a support system cannot provide for a child - they can and do very successfully - it is simply a choice I preferred not to make)

DH and I made a deal with each other. That when we do have children, we will tell them we love them everyday, AND we will tell each other that we love each other IN FRONT of them every day. Children as young as infants sense emotion.

Re: reasons to want a baby

Its totally ok!!!

I knew what you meant perfectly. That is why I prefaced my response with a disclaimer that I did not want to be combative! I am also with you on the idea that having a child as an extension of onesself does SOUND selfish, but for some that is ok. For me, it is not. Had I never married, I could never and would never have a child. A part of me would feel empty and longing, but I know I simply could not do it alone because I want a little "me" in this world.

I am a teacher too. I see everything you see. I see absentee parenting. I see parents that do not care. I see people who continue to have children when they simply do not have the means to take care of them because they know the government will.

I too have thought long and hard about why I want to be a mother and have children. Maybe there is no answer that will ever SOUND right that does not have tinges of selfishness. That being said, maybe I want to have a child because I know I can attempt to instill selflessness upon a person who could grow up to be a responsible human being. I think that is the best we can hope for our children. Just being good people - like you said!

Message edited 4/22/2007 12:09:40 PM.

Re: reasons to want a baby

I like how you put it!