sad to find myself here again :(

So after miscarrying in 2009 at 8w5d, I am so sad to find myself here again after losing our baby girl Grace this week at 21w6d (my story is on the pregnancy board)....I wake up every day and miss her and it feels so amazing to say "I have a daughter" but so heartbreaking that I couldn't take her home with me from the hospital. Life is just not fair. I don't know why these things happen to anyone, everyone tells me how strong I am....but I'd much rather not to have things keep happening to me and DH that requires me to be "strong". Our little girl's diagnosis was so rare, and now I'm left to wonder if DH and I can even try again "normally" or if they find something in the autopsy if it will require us to go the IVF route b/c of genetic issues.

For anyone else that suffered a late term loss, how long did it take for AF to return? And was it a "normal" cycle or did it take a while to go back to your usual cycle length? My cycle is usually long (38 days), so I hope it's not even longer b/c of this. How soon did you TTC again and did it result in a BFP? Depending what the doctors tell us, I'd really like to try again in the next few months, I just hope to be pregnant by our due date, October 25th....I know how emotional I will be when that time comes. to everyone else who has suffered a loss, regardless of whether it was 1st trimester or late term, a loss is a loss and it rips your heart out to have so much promise end with so much grief.

My story

Message edited 6/24/2012 8:52:56 AM.

Re: sad to find myself here again :(

I am so sorry for your loss! It just isn't fair.

I was told that you should wait the same length of time that you were pregnant before you TTC again. I had a loss at 9w and my doctor wants me to wait 2 months.

Re: sad to find myself here again :(

Helen,

I'm so sorry for your loss. My son Ryan was born at 21w5d May 21, 2011. I had some other medical issues related to my pre-term labor that had to be taken care of but my docs would have been ok with us trying after 3 months.

AF showed up about 5 weeks pp for me. And it was really heavy. No one told me it was/could be like that. It did go back to normal cycle length for me.

I don't know if you're dealing with milk coming in but I was taking benadryl (to help me sleep mainly) and that helped me a bunch with that.

I know it's so hard and we put time limits on ourselves. I wanted to be pregnant again by my due date but we weren't able to ttc yet. Then I wanted to be pregnant by his first birthday and that didn't happen. I've found the day is going to be hard enough as it is, adding the stress of ttc again and wanting to be pregnant by a certain date added to the stress. I will say that for me the anticipation of the day is usually worse than the day itself.

I'm here if you need anything.


Melissa

Re: sad to find myself here again :(

I am so sorry I used to donate beavement items to that hospital (memory boxes, blankets/hats , gowns) for circumstances like yours so i really hope they treated you well. I used to be so touched when i used to walk pass that memory garden so I am happy you can do something there and find some comfort.

My 3 losses were from 8 weeks and below so AF returned ranged from 1-2 months later. But i know what you mean by wanting to be pregnant by the due date, I am currently trying to accomplish that myself because the thought of having no baby, even inside at that time just feels like it would be unbearable. So i hope they will allow you to TTC soon enough to reach that goal.

Message edited 6/24/2012 4:07:28 PM.

Re: sad to find myself here again :(

Your story is heartbreaking and I am so sorry to see you here.
My deepest condolences on your loss.

People dont know what to say so they attempt to just make you happy with whatever comes out. Take the next few weeks to just get in touch with your feelings and know that it does get better. My loss was at 10 weeks. (early but it didnt make it any easier). I had the same feelings of wanting to get pregnant fast. I didnt listen to my dr and I got pregnant the month after my loss. I am happy to say I gave birth to my second daughter after the miscarriage. She is happy and healthy. There is no rhyme or reason. It just happened. There is hope. I know right now it may not seem that way. i remember walking out of the drs office thinking "WTF....". Why?!?! In the end I knew my child (it was also a girl) would not be healthy. It was probably something we would not have been able to handle. I was at peace that I didnt have to make a decision like some do.
In re: to AF returning, I "think" it returned like within 4 weeks. I had an issue at the beginning though since I had to take cyotec where everything wasnt clear and my #s still showed pregnancy. Once those #s were down, that is when AF returned for my situation.

Re: sad to find myself here again :(

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I too lost my son at 20/21 weeks and gave birth to him. I just want to let you know that you are stronger than you feel right now.

To answer a few of your questions, I think I remember bleeding for about 5 ish weeks, had a week off and then I got AF. I didn't have an autopsy of our son because we knew what the cause was. We were told that the chances of the same thing happening again were very small (although increased for us). I was told we could start trying in 3 cycles, but I asked what would happen if we tried immediately, and the doctors responded that I could really try when we felt ready. I wound up pregnant on the first cycle with our now DS.

I know your grief right now, my heart is so heavy for you because it brings me back to those moments. If you need to talk, vent or have questions, please don't hesitate to FM me.

Re: sad to find myself here again :(

I am so sorry for your loss...you are right; life just is not fair. I wish all good things for you to come.

sad to find myself here again :(

I read your story on the other boards the other day and my heart broke for you.
I just wanted to let you know that you definately have your own little guardian angel helping you up above and i'm sure she will send one very lucky baby just for you soon!

Re: sad to find myself here again :(

Helen I am so sorry again you are going through this. I am just so sad and cannot stop thinking about you.

I did want to give you some hope and will share a story. One of my best friends lost a baby at full term. It was not genetic but due to an infection. Her doctor told her to wait 3 months to TTC. She only waited 2 cycles and started. She was pregnant again by the 3rd cycle! This is very fast to carry a baby again, esp bc she did go full term but her body bounced back and was ready to do it again and she had her baby 9 months later and now has a 2nd little one!

I hope your period comes fast and that you get the green light soon. Nothing will take the pain and worrying away completely but the hope of a new baby coming will def make you so much happier. I know my friend did so much better once she was pregnant again. (Ok and just a side note, her DH has super good swimmers.)

I too hope you are pregnant by your due date but please don't be sad if you are not. I had an early loss and was not preggo by my due date and took another year of TTC again. I stopped putting dates in my head and just let go. Ofcourse I was frusturated every month but October came and went and I was like ok with it. Now I am due 1 year from my original due date, crazy.

keep your head up, xoxo.

Re: sad to find myself here again :(

Hiya Helen, I'm crashing here to let you know there is so much hope My sister's BFF had a little girl in 04; then just before my wedding in late '07 she was pregnant but there were severe chromosomal abnormalities and they lost the baby at 26 weeks. It was without a doubt the darkest time of their lives But then, after lots of time, and healing, and recovery, she got pregnant again in 09 and gave birth to their little boy in 2010. I think physically she felt ready before she did emotionally, kwim? But as she tells it, both she and her DH reached a point where despite tremendous fear they were ready to hold hands, say a prayer and take a leap of faith on trying again.
Still thinking of you, still praying for you, DH and Baby Grace

Re: sad to find myself here again :(

Posted by Puppy-Love

Helen I am so sorry again you are going through this. I am just so sad and cannot stop thinking about you.

I did want to give you some hope and will share a story. One of my best friends lost a baby at full term. It was not genetic but due to an infection. Her doctor told her to wait 3 months to TTC. She only waited 2 cycles and started. She was pregnant again by the 3rd cycle! This is very fast to carry a baby again, esp bc she did go full term but her body bounced back and was ready to do it again and she had her baby 9 months later and now has a 2nd little one!

I hope your period comes fast and that you get the green light soon. Nothing will take the pain and worrying away completely but the hope of a new baby coming will def make you so much happier. I know my friend did so much better once she was pregnant again. (Ok and just a side note, her DH has super good swimmers.)

I too hope you are pregnant by your due date but please don't be sad if you are not. I had an early loss and was not preggo by my due date and took another year of TTC again. I stopped putting dates in my head and just let go. Ofcourse I was frusturated every month but October came and went and I was like ok with it. Now I am due 1 year from my original due date, crazy.

keep your head up, xoxo.

Re: sad to find myself here again :(

Posted by colette

Hiya Helen, I'm crashing here to let you know there is so much hope My sister's BFF had a little girl in 04; then just before my wedding in late '07 she was pregnant but there were severe chromosomal abnormalities and they lost the baby at 26 weeks. It was without a doubt the darkest time of their lives But then, after lots of time, and healing, and recovery, she got pregnant again in 09 and gave birth to their little boy in 2010. I think physically she felt ready before she did emotionally, kwim? But as she tells it, both she and her DH reached a point where despite tremendous fear they were ready to hold hands, say a prayer and take a leap of faith on trying again.
Still thinking of you, still praying for you, DH and Baby Grace

Re: sad to find myself here again :(

I wanted to say that I am really sorry for your loss! I hope you're doing OK and wanted to send you lots of

Re: sad to find myself here again :(

My condolences to you & your family I will keep you in my prayers. I am so sorry. I admire your courage & your optimism with not giving up on your dreams of having a child. God bless

Message edited 7/2/2012 5:43:14 PM.

Re: sad to find myself here again :(

Helen, I am soo sorry for your loss
I wanted to give you a little hope also. I lost my DS at 23 weeks 6 days, he too had many issues which we were following with many different doctors at the time until ultimatly he was still born at a little under 24 weeks. For me, it took almost 2 months to get AF back and then as soon as it came back, it disappeared again. I was in shock denial, etc and found out i was pg again. I couldn't deal mentally with it and I think most of it i did subconsciously at the time. But 9 months later i had my DD who was healthy. And now as she gets older I start to see why things happen, but still hate that they do. She knows that she has a brother in heaven who helped her come here with us.
I hope you have a happy ending to share with us soon also! If you need anything or just someone to vent to, feel free to FM me, I know this time is very difficult and I wish happiness in the future