SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

I am due to go back to work at the end of this month and DH and I have been giving the SAHM thing lots of thought...

I want more than ANYTHING to be able to stay home with my baby, but the whole financial aspect is really making me nervous. DH can manage all household expenses himself (he's been doing it throughout my leave since my company did not pay me), but we really wouldn't be able to have any extras and will have to really budget ourselves. I am absolutely willing to do that. I also wasn't making all that much $$ to begin with and I feel like a lot of my paycheck will just go to someone else raising my baby. UGH, just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach!

Can you ladies please share your experience and how it's been working out? Finances is the ONLY reason why I'm even contemplating this. I really feel like I was meant to be a SAHM.

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

Im a part time SAHM ..im home 2 days a week, and I work the other 3; 18hrs a week. I'd eventually like to be home full time (i think..LOL)

its a struggle..dont get me wrong. I make crappy money and have to pay for my own insurance b/c its too expensive to get on DHs plan. But we have savings that have carried us through and i have a biz part time that helps bring in some $$.

You will manage. My Mom was home with us and I have no idea how they managed with 2 kids, but they did. You'll find ways to save, lower your bills and survive. taking the leap is the hardest part.

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

for me i really had no choice because my income was not that much so to put both my babies in daycare would pretty much be all my salary. so it really didn't make sense for me to work.

we were worried as well with the 1 income but we just do it. you have to just budget and it will all work out.

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

mine was done with a lot of planning.
saved all my checks for 5 years
no debt
no car payments
no student loans
moved oos and bought a new home for 140k.

we live very conservatively. savings isn't touched.

as far as nervousness...i feel better off then our friends who both work. their resources are tapped out..i am still able to go out there and get some kind of work to help out if needed.

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

Thanks so much ladies! Taking the plunge really seems to be the hardest part and I'm extremely nervous to do it. I know it is the right decision, but I wish we were more prepared!

Janice - That is AMAZING!! I wish I had planned like that!!

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

I never thought I would be a SAHM. I worked FT until DS was 14 months old. I hated it.

DH was offered a new job in VA. 20% higher salary than he had in CT, but in a much cheaper area! Bought our house from us, which lost 13% value in the market, and made us whole. Also many other perks- offer we could not refuse!

If your salary would be eaten up by childcare, I think you have your answer. It sounds like the two of you want this for your family. I am comfortable living on one income now, we are better off then we were with 2 incomes!

For me, having an emergency savings fund, no car payment, and living on a tighter budget helps. My DH has great benefits. Now that I am home, we spend a lot less. No more commuting costs, lunch, dry cleaning for me. I cook a lot more, barely get takeout. I have time to clip coupons, buy in bulk, shop sales. I can drive the hour to the outlets to get clothes and shoes because I have time to do so. It saves a bundle. Also time to find free/low cost stuff to do (parks, library, etc.).

HTH- good luck with your decision and congrats on the new baby!

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

i worked a day and a half a week - 5 hrs one day and 11 hrs the other day. i was doing my job a favor working the 5 hr work day bc it wasnt really worth me paying for daycare for a full day when ds would only be in for 5 hrs. but the 11 hr work day made up for it.

i paid daycare with a weeks worth of salary.. so i had 3 weeks of play money.. dh salary covers everything else.
the main reason wasnt the money - of course we knew our play money would end once i became a sahm, but getting out of work at 830 and daycare closing at 6 and dh sometimes getting stuck at work while we had horrible backup care was wayyy too much stress..

id rather take the paycut than deal with the stress. plus im home with ds and expecting #2. even if i were to get another part time job with hrs that work better than my last job its really not worth it bc i dont get any sick days.. so if i call in sick one day im out that money.

in the end it all works out.. u manage ur money a little better.. if its play money ur cutting out then it works out.. however if ur salary is making ends meet in the household and u still dont have play money then its really not an option to sah

hth

Message edited 2/3/2011 12:01:01 PM.

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

hey maria-
but for us, it never stops.

we can, on paper afford cable...but we don't have it because then it would take money away from the small amount we are able to save each month.

we really never go out to eat

but, really...we turned these 2 around into positives..we are a ton more active without a dvr, actually get to bed on time.

going out to eat? i have really grown to love cooking and knowing exactly what we eat.

if you can swing it, and i hope you can...i feel for me, this is a priceless experience, scale back a lot.
i cut and dye my own hair
cut the kids hair
pack lunches every night to stop the temptation of eating out

it really became a personal challenge for me. instead of me looking at the money i am missing by not working...i think about how cutting josh's hair just saved me 15.00 that day.

my dh says in a real depression, the only ones left are going to be sahms. we put the F in frugal.

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

Spending $3000.00 a month on day care was enough for us to say ENOUGH!

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

For me its been the fact that our family would only be £300 better off if I went back to work, not to mention running around like a crazy woman 4 days a week...

Watch this space.

Message edited 2/3/2011 1:24:21 PM.

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

I was so worried too, it worked out better than I ever thought. we were able to cut back on spending on garbage bc we were too busy w/ baby to shop and waste time.

if it's not working out after 6 months to a year you can always go back to working, good luck!

one paycheck a month would have gone to daycare, I wasn't about to work 2 weeks out of 4 to pay someone to watch my kid

I worked until DS was 10 months while MIL watched him, I hated being a FTWM

Message edited 2/3/2011 1:28:40 PM.

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

- Banked my pay since we got married-- so we never knew what it was like to have 2 incomes
- Bought a house we could easily afford on 1 income, one that would still be affordable even if my DH took a paycut for some reason down the line
- No student loans
- No credit card debt
- No car payments.

Clipping coupons and shopping sales are great, but they're not going to make or break your ability to SAH if you're drowning in debt or are "owned" by your house.

Try living on your DH's income for awhile and see how tight or comfortable it is. It will be a good test drive to see what your budget would be like should you decide to SAH.

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

We bought a house well below our means. We got rid of two very expensive bmw's. We don't go on vacation, don't eat out often, etc.

does it sometimes suck? Absolutely.

But then I think of my kid in daycare all day and suddenly that feeling goes away. It was not the right choice for my family.

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

Its def. an adjustment, I was only working PT but the cash I was bringing in was our "extras" money so it def. helped out a lot.

Since I was laid off we had to make some changes...ie.. not eat out as much, no family vacation in 2 years, cut back on usless spending, no new clothes all the time...etc. We're just more creative with how we do things...weekend trips, or overnight trips not 1-2 week long vacations, pasta night at our fav. Italian restaurant, game night at home with friends...etc.

However the pay off of being able for me to be home with DD is amazing, especially now since we're having #2. There are so many things I would miss if I were working. If you can do it I say go for it!

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

For me I've been back and forth, over the decision. I always knew I wanted to be a sahm but the money I was making afforded us to have extra cash, and money for savings each month. We've really had to scale back a lot. We sold dh newer car for a junker for him to drive to the train station with, dh brings lunch everyday, we only go out to eat once a month. It's rough but I want dd to have the one on one time with me. I probably will go back once she is order, but I'm trying to hold out for as long as I can.

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

Honestly, if you can do it and are willing to sacrifice I would. You will never get this time back and you wont have the chance once its gone. being a SAHM has really been amazing and I love every minute of it!!! To me the time and memories I am making with my child mean more than all the extras I would be buying etc...

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

My road to being a SAHM was alittle different.

I went back to work when DS was 3 months old FT. I loved my job, made a really good salary, great benefits etc. I really had no desire to leave. After about a month back, (ILs were watching DS) my DH started with the idea of me going PT...which was not an option where I was. I cried and cried over the decision. Not only was it hard because I truly loved going to work each day. But even with Daycare, I still would have brought home a good salary. To me what was hard to give up was NOT the vacations or extra clothes...it was the security of knowing that we could save alot each year, put away for DSs education, etc. And of course loss of 401k contributions etc.

But after 3 months working FT we decided to take the plunge. I found a PT job, making decent money and although I didnt like what I was doing it was a real JOB and wouldnt hurt my career should I decide to go back FT. But after 10 months my company had to cut costs and so my whole team was outsourced.

I really had every intention of going back PT after being laid off, but now I am 7 months pregnant so its not really an option. I do babysit some to bring in some extra money and we have a sizable emergency fund for big purchases or any thing that might come up so thats reassuring as we dont save as we once did.

My advice ESPECIALLY in this economy is go back to work and try it out. give yourself 3 months. In that time really go over your budget soup to nuts and be REALLY realistic about what you are willing to give up and what you arent. Dont say to yourself we will only go out 1x a month if thats just not your personality. Also look at your long term goals. Do you have plans to move in the next few years, will you be able to do that if you dont have your income. etc.

GL with your decision.

ETA: and no matter your decision I can guarantee you that NO ONE else but you and DH is raising your DC. Even if he/she is in daycare, YOU are the one raising them. You will always be the one they look to/for the most and rely on the most. Childcare just helps to nurture them NOT raise them

Message edited 2/3/2011 2:21:49 PM.

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

I always knew I wanted to be a SAHM. It was a really tough decision because I made good money as an auditor at a CPA firm in the city and I liked being independent. I struggled whether or not I was making the right decision, but everyone I talked to said it's worth it. My husband makes enough to support us and to live a comfortable life. We live the way we've always lived and try not to cut the things we enjoy like dinners and brunch in the city (we are foodies)

In general we don't splurge on stuff we do not need, we are conservative when it comes to money. Also I try to save alot on baby items like diapers and clothes.

The only thing we are being held back on is buying a home, we could have bought one if I was still working.

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

Could you extend your leave for a few months to see how things go without letting go of your job?

I desperately wanted to be a SAHM when I had DS#1. We just couldn't afford it. I was the breadwinner and there was no way we could live on what he earned. Now we are expecting DS#2 and I plan to stay home. DH will now be able to support us financially.

I would only stay home if your DH could cover all monthly expenses with at least a 10-20% cushion. There will always be unexpected expenses and you should save for emergencies.

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

It's great to hear all of your stories.. thanks for sharing!!!

I know this is a decision DH and I have to make and everyone's situation is different, but you have all given me some peace of mind. Financials will never be 100% and if I can't go on that vacation or buy something I really want, it's OK bc nothing compares to being with my LO every day.

I'm 95% sure of my decision now!

Re: SAHMs - How did you decide to stay home and get over the nervousness of a 1-income household?

Posted by SweetCaroline

Posted by Kelly9904
ETA: and no matter your decision I can guarantee you that NO ONE else but you and DH is raising your DC. Even if he/she is in daycare, YOU are the one raising them. You will always be the one they look to/for the most and rely on the most. Childcare just helps to nurture them NOT raise them

I agree. Obviously I have no reason to influence your decision one way or another - it's one I debate with myself often. BUT, I know no matter where I am during the day, my children know who their mother is and DH & I are the ones raising them. End of story. Teachers, friends, grandparents, etc. they will become an influence in my child's life - but there is no other mommy but me.