SAHMs--Problem with Friends?

My friends have been very interested, and for the most part, very supportive of DSs birth. Some have children, some do not. I think my friends without kids just don't get how tiring these days are sometmes,, eventhough I am not working.

Sometimes I think they figure I have all the time in the world to do stuff now that I'm a SAHM. One actually said it must be nice to sleep in and nap when I want. Someone else was mystified that DH and I are thinking of hiring a lawn service--she didn't see why I couldn't cut the grass during DSs naps. Another keeps calling around 9:30 at night, which in the past was fine with me. Now, I am usually zonked by 9:30 though and do not want to talk to anyone. It's often the first time I've sat in hours. I keep telling her it's just not the best time, I'm too tired, but she keeps doing it.

I know I need to let a lot of these comments go, and keep reminding myself I thought I would get more done during the day before I was a SAHM too. But does anyone else have this experience?

Re: SAHMs--Problem with Friends?

I don't have this problem with my friends but I think that until you actually stay at home you have no idea.

For the most part, I think that people think we sit around eating Bon Bons and watching Maury Povich all day.

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yes! I am the only one with a child in my group of friends. I used to have a jewelry business before DD was born. I remember one of my friends saying to me - "it must be great now that you aren't working - you probably have all the time in the world to make jewelry" - but really it was the opposite and I totally let the business go.

I have learned that when they have kids one day they will understand - I didn't understand before I had kids.

I have also learned to take the phone off the hook - OFTEN!

Don't worry so much about what people say or jugements they pass - its less about you more about them and their own issues.

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Although I am not a SAHM, I do think that some people without children have a hard time understanding just how difficult...how time-consuming and challenging....it can be. On the days I have off with my DS I pat myself on the back if I manage to eat lunch OR (not and - it's rarely possible) take a shower. It's a lot of work.

One day some of these people will have children and they will regret (if they even remember) that they said or thought this way. Not a lot of comfort now but one day they will turn to you in sheer awe and ask "how did you do it?"

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Honestly, a lot of my friends recently had babies so they know exactly what I went through and we're still kind of going through the change together but the ones that don't have children I barely speak to. I don't make the effort and neither do they.

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so funny you posted this!

I went walking yesterday with Josh and a girl who doesn't have kids yet.

She was so happy to hear I was babysitting because at least I am doing something.

People have no clue until they are in the position.

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i am not a SAHM but was for DDs first year. I don't think they understand until they have kiddies of their own-no offense to anyone. It is exhausting, my first year I never wanted to go anywhere unless it was during the day because I was completely exhausted by 8pm, when everyone wants to go out.

I hope it gets better.

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I really can't fault them too much. You really have no idea till you are a SAHM or a mom, period. On my mental to-do list of projects I was going to do:

*Get our chimney cleaned and inspected
*Repaint all the molding on the first and second floors of our house
*Prune the shrubs on the side of our house
*Repaint the hall
*Create a beautiful babybook for DS
*Wash all the windows in the house
*Catch up on movies

All this by 6 months postpartum (I'm almost there, ask me if I've done any of it)! I laugh when I look at this list now, but before DS was born, I thought it was totally reasonable. And 6 months to do all these things without a young child, sleep deprivation, and raging hormones is reasonable.

I'm sure it will get better.

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I am so glad someone has posted about this...my friends that work have no clue what it is that I do all day. One of my friends asked if it lonely or boring. Boring?? That it never is! By 8 I am exhausted and can't wait for 8:30 to come around (My DD's bedtime) Although I am trying to still be close with my friends who aren't moms, it is def. hard. I am trying to get involved in baby/mom activities, so I can meet other SAHM's. I am still trying to remain "around and available" for my other friends. I don't want to lose them just b/c i'm a SAHm..but it seems that I'm the only one trying.

All of the SAHM's should have gtg. Just an idea!

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omggggggggg do I know...
I have people calling me 24-7 with a 12 and 13 year and 14 month old twins to babysit!!!!!!!!!!
i did for afriend for a long while too..until I heard through the grapevine she said she does not have as much time as me to invest in the relationship...
hellllllllllllllllllo I watched your three kids! bring my total to 7--plus never denied my kids their friends so usuallyI had 9! here from Sept to feb. I called every 2 weeks to touch base or talk--not like I had time to stalk her...i was fummmmmming..I did it for free!
I found out through a mutual friend who said..."well you have to admit---you do have more time then we do.."
I almost kicked her ***.

Re: SAHMs--Problem with Friends?

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OMG this is such a pet peeve of mine!

My favorite anti-SAHM comment was from a "friend" who was saying something about looking fwd to the weekend... then says "well I guess every day is like a weekend for you".

Then there's the ever-popular "what do you DO all day?".

Seriously, would you ask that question of your child's daycare provider or nanny? Highly unlikely! Well that's exactly what I'm doing all day... the work that they do, lol!

Re: SAHMs--Problem with Friends?

I think I woudl have to hurt someone if they ever said that to me. All of my friends have kids now so they know how hard it is. If someone random said that to me I would NOT be at a loss for words I would give them a mouth full.

In fact most of my friends and other people have made the comment that it is so much easier to go to work everyday. In a way that's true (for me) b/c i did work full time for 7 years. No matter what....if you are working a full time job or you're a SAHM, both are challenging and they keep you busy all day long!!!!!!

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not a SAHM, but the comment you made about friends is definitely too. Though most of my friends do have babies, the ones that don't, just don't understand - how I can be tired by 9pm I guess i don't blame them, I used to stay up till 2am daily, and now.. here I am. On the other hand, I like my 'non parent' friends because it gives me a chance to talk about something other than a baby. That is ALL we talk about with mommies.. So, I just don't let their comments get to me. ignorance is bliss! Plus, if they really knew the truth, they may NOT have any babies!!!!

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I think it is just a matter of people thinking that the grass is greener on the other side. People assume that other people have it easier or that other people do not understand their stress.

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I thought I knew what people meant when they told me what it would be to be exhausted in the 1st trimester of pregnancy. I thought I knew (from babysitting my young brother) what it was to take care of a baby. I had no clue.

People think they know. They don't or they forgot. You just don't know until you have kids. You "imagine" what it's going to be but you have no idea what it is really like until you live it.

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I have to admit, it isn't just my working or non-mommy friends. Sometimes I think DH feels this way too He can not imagine why I can't run all his errands every day and have dinner on the table when he gets home
All I need to do is leave DS with him for an hour on a Saturday or Sunday for him to understand

Re: SAHMs--Problem with Friends?

Agreed, DH slips into this now and then. But if I leave DS with him one Saturday afternoon, it's enough to remind him. Usually when I come home he looks breathless and says, "It's hard to get much done around here other than take care of him." Well, yeah!

Also agree with a PP, I do value my nonparent friends because they remind me of who I was before I had a baby, and they talk about other things more than my mom friends.

Thinking about it, I have become a little closer with one of my friends who has no children. She doesn't want them, never did, and I respect her for realizing what a committment it would be and seeing that she wasn't up to it. But she loves her cats. I used to get bored when she talked about her cats, but some of the care issues I can identify with better now. So we talk about what DS is doing and what the cats are doing (some things aren't so different at this point)!

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i had no idea how much work it was until i was at home all day with my newborn!although i only have 5 months to be at home with her before i go back to work, i remember thinking while pregnant that i would be bored. no way!!!