Selective Hearing or Not Listening

My DS is not diagnosed with a special need yet, I posted about him a few weeks ago. I suspect he has a sensory processing disorder, maybe more to it than that, and we have an appt. with a developmental specialist at the end of the month (he's 3 now, it was too late to do anything through EI unfortunately).

But here is my problem, and I'm posting it here because I feel conventional suggestions do not work for him. At times, he is very selective in his listening and will NOT do what we ask him to do. This is especially true in the morning and at the end of the day. The only thing that seems to get through to him is if I yell, which I've been doing too much of lately IMO. But I don't know how to get him moving out of the house, or moving along with his bedtime routine. We've tried a sticker system where he got a sticker and after he got 5, he got a treat, and it seemed to work for about a week. No more.

Any tips on ways to get their attention other than yelling? I feel like this is very much the wrong way to go about it, but sadly, this does make him stop what he's doing and listen to me. If I ignore him, he usually ignores me and goes about doing what he wants to do. If I pick him up and physically move him along, there are hysterics, and things take longer still.

Sticking maniacally to a schedule seems to help, but there are mornings like today when I have to get the phone and go to the bathroom, and things get thrown off by a minute or two. Which doesn't seem like a big deal, but it seems to really throw things off.

TIA!

Re: Selective Hearing or Not Listening

I think it's hard to generalize, since what works for some kids might not work for others.

For my DS, if he is not listening, I stop him from whatever he is doing. If he's watching TV, I turn it off. If he's playing with a toy, I take it. He usually cries, but I tell him, "no crying". I get down to his level - kneel or squat and talk to him and calmly wait for him to calm down and try to get him to look at me and listen. Most times this works, sometimes it doesn't. I also had the advantage of having a special ed teacher at home that helped us with this.

Schedule and routine is big for us. Changes in the routine usually change his behavior for the worse. He is OK with small changes, but I try to keep things as regular as possible. It's a lot of work sometimes, but in the long run, it makes life easier for all of us.

Re: Selective Hearing or Not Listening

Thanks for the suggestions! I agree, what works for others doesn't always work for your kid, but I'd like to try other things and not resort to yelling so much. I totally could have done what you describe this morning--he started playing with stickers, and I needed him to put them down and leave the house. So handling it your way may have worked. In the moment it's hard to remember at times, and this not listening is a hot button issue for me.

I hope I'm not freeloading on this board by the way--as I said I feel the conventional advice just doesn't always work for us. And I do feel in my gut something is up with DS. We'll see. But this is why I posted here instead of parenting.

Re: Selective Hearing or Not Listening

I am not sure if your ds enjoys visual cues. But maybe setting up some pictures on a velcro or magnetic type board with his schedule. (his morning routine / bedtime routine). Have him move the picture to one side of the board to the other, to "check off" that the task was completed. Wake up, brush teeth, get dressed, breakfast, etc ( of course you can break it down into whatever tasks you feel he is "getting lost" in). It's also a good way to redirect his attention by saying "DS, look you still need to "get dressed" so you will have to put down your toy right now. Kids enjoy the sense of accomplishment and structure.

Re: Selective Hearing or Not Listening

Definitely try visual cues, like a picture schedule.

Also, when speaking to him, try getting down to his eye level and maintain eye contact while talking to him.

YOu can also try having him repeat back what you said, to ensure that he has heard and understood.

Re: Selective Hearing or Not Listening

Thanks for the visual cues idea! He loves illustrations (and those stickers), so this may work well with him. They have something like this at his daycare, and he's shown it to me a few times.

This might help if he (or I) get off track. When we follow the morning routine to the letter, it's usually pretty smooth sailing, but sometimes, things come up unexpectedly that shift the routine a little. So maybe this would help him get back on track. Evenings are another story--he just wants to stay up with us, but we could try it there too.

Thanks again!

Re: Selective Hearing or Not Listening

I am not a parent, but I am a special educator. Something you can add to the stickers and visual schedule is choice.

If treats are rewarding, but don't hold their value, perhaps add the treats to three total choices. Make pictures of the choices. He gets to circle (with an erasable marker) the reward he is working for. Now he has something to think about when he starts faltering.

I try to make choices something that leads to interaction (if it has to be an electronic game bc that is motivating just be clear about the time limit).

My feeling on sticker rewards: in the beginning you have to give lots of stickers for what he CAN do. Once he buys into it, then you can start rewarding the behavior he is LEARNING to do.

Sometimes I have kids earn 10 stickers and then reward.

Other times I let the child earn 7 out of 10 stickers and then reward. I do this when I have a child who needs to know it is ok not to be perfect. I increase to 8/10, 9/10 as the skills becomes mastered.

Hope I didn't overstep my place by posting.

Good luck!