Self pity post

So OK- my husband is currently studying his ars off in the LIRR Engineer program. It really is the only thing he can concentrate on. And he needs to- and it's great- he's working so hard at a better future for us.
But at the same time, he is so preoccupied, I feel like I am the only one expecting a baby. Not that he is at all the type to be gushy, but I don't know- I guess I just wish it was the first thing on his mind like it is on mine.
And it makes me sad.
That is all.

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I was going through the same thing when DH was studying for his boards. I am sure it's on his mind.....that is why he is studying so hard!

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That's why you need to come on here - so we can all be excited with you!

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I understand how you feel. My DH works in retail and since the official beginning of the holiday season he focuses on nothing but work. He works 70 hours a week and 1/2 the time doesn't answer his phone when I call him It ***** because I only have 8 weeks to go and it only seems to be getting harder and I really need him now but he has no time

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I felt the same way early on.
I realized that it took my DH much longer to realize what was going on with our lives than it did me.
Now with just a few weeks to go, its on his mind alot - his is always worried that I am going into labor, that we dont have something ready for the baby, that we don't know how to use something, etc.

I think men overall have this natural instinct to want to protect their family and right now all your DH can do it try to achieve a goal which will help in the future. I thnk alot of times our DHs feel helpless when it comes to pregnancy.

It gets better!!! And you have all of us so dont worry

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I agree with all of you. I actually feel bad for DH- I'm sure he wants to focus on this. The worst part is that I am due right around the time of his midterm- so I can only pray that he doesn't start freaking out then.

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fa real.

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At least he is preoccupied with something useful and valueable!! I hear if you pass that test and get in you are set for life!

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When DH is busy on a trial, I know he is pre-occupied with it . . .it completely consumes him. But at the same time, I know he is always thinking about . It's just difficult for our men to be as obsessive as we are since they don't have the benefit of carrying the little ones and feeling them kick all day. I read that the whole baby thing will feel more "real" to our men towards the last 2 months.

Pity on

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We love our husbands but they really don't understand how different life is for us while preggo. At least you are being reasonable and understand why he is distracted. I just ride the emotional roller coaster and cry at the drop of a hat.

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My DH was caught in a massive downsize a few weeks ago and sometimes gets so caught up in job hunting and his emotions are all over the place, it's the same situation. Jobs are to men what baby's are to us. I know too that for men it's important to feel they can provide for their family, so if there is work stuff going on and they are expecting, it probably makes them even more focused on what needs to get done with work.

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I'm sorry you feel alone right now. Maybe you can try to involve him in some small way? Can he go to a doctor's appt. with you or help you pick out some things for the baby?

I felt the same--when we bought our house, DHs entire focus was on the house, and guess who picked the pediatrician, researched breastfeeding, choose items for our registry, picked the nursery decor out, etc. He did go with me to buy the baby's furniture though. While I knew he was doing a lot of good things around the house for me and the baby, I still wished he was a little more involved or asked more questions about what I was doing.

As someone else said, I think it takes guys longer sometimes to come to terms with this or truly understand that yes, a little person is on the way. He'll probably come around--mine did a few weeks ago.

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I'm sure he is studying so hard to be able to support you + baby, not to avoid the situation.

Although I totally understand how that could be lost in translation. I think you should just randomly mention things when he's studying. Like walk in the room and be like "oh, the baby just kicked". And then "oh, baby has hiccups". I'm sure that will set reality in a bit and get him a little more amped up.

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When is the test?

Im sure as soon as the stress of the program is gone the attention will be back on you

Im sure that you and your baby are constantly on his mind

Im a total attention hewa so I feel your pain, if dh doesnt ask me 10 times an hour how I am feeling, I get mad at him

Message edited 11/29/2007 4:48:34 PM.

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I understand DH has been working long hours the last few weeks and he's been really tired and stressed. He's not always in the mood for "baby talk".