Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

Have any of you gone thru dealing with a husband that doesn't believe in masturbation? My DH is now a born again Christian who believes that it's a sin- which also includes going for sperm analysis... and I'm really at a loss here as to what to do. He actually asked me if they could go in w/ a needle and take it out.
You can FM me if you'd prefer- I'm really embarrased even posting it but I'm at a loss and knew I could only come here for help....
Oh, i have PCOS and I'm fairly sure that I'm the problem but the Dr. wants to check him out too to see what's going on... HELP ME!!! TIA!

Message edited 4/25/2007 10:51:07 AM.

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed)

I certainly don't want to bash anyone's religious beliefs, but...he HAS to see a slight difference between masturbation and semen analysis? Right? It all comes down to doing what's best for you both as a couple, and your future baby! Is he really unwilling to budge on this? If so, I'd let him know how important it is to you...and that you fully support him in whatever he believes and practices, but that this is sort of an exception to the rule.

I hope this helps a little bit...IMO, it sounds like you guys just need an open, honest dialogue about where the disconnect is. Best of luck!!

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed)

OY! That is a tough one. And its going to be a very big hurdle for you since a sperm sample is needed for almost every procedure (IUI's , IVF.. not just analysis).

I hope he can find someway to look at this differently. Also talk to your MD about it. They do make semen collection condoms that can be used during intercourse but I have never hear of anyone using them.

semen collection condoms

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed)

Just a thought - but why dont you go in there with him? I dont know if they will let you but if you explain the circumstances, I dont see why they would mind. Then you could help him out and that would be considered an act of love between a married couple, no? My friends mother who went thru infertility treatments over 30 years ago told me that for IUI she used to have to "take care of" her husband to collect the semen for that. They may even let you do it in your own home and then bring it to the lab. I would talk to the doctor about your options though because I am sure your husband is not the first man to be uncomfortable going into a room where everyone knows he will be masturbating.

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed)

They DO let you do it at home and bring it into a lab as long as the sample reaches the lab within a certain window of time. However, I know the form that showed the results of DH's SA did say the method of how it was collected in no uncertain terms. I do not know anything about your husband's faith, but perhaps there is a pastor or an advisor who can help you.

I agree that perhaps if you assist him in the collection, it could fall under the "duties" of a wife. I used to work with a woman who was an Orthodox Jew (I , myself am a Reform Jew). Knowing how important the perpetuation of faith is in the Orthodox community, I asked her if a couple is allowed to have "relations" for pleasure and not procreation. She told me that it was her responsibility to bring pleasure to her husband for reasons other than having children. Perhaps, there is something like that in the Born Again faith. In other words, you could "help him along" and he wouldn't be doing it himself.

Best of luck.

Message edited 4/25/2007 8:21:19 AM.

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed)

If his religion doesn't allow him to do this......does it really allow him to procreate with the "help" you would need for PCOS?

Message edited 4/25/2007 9:51:14 AM.

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed)

Actually I am a born-again christian and so is alot of my family and I have never heard of masturbation being wrong especially if it's being done to procreate.

However there are condoms that they make where you can collect the semen at home or with your husband and then bring it in to the lab. However if you are going to do IUI or IVF he will most likely have to give a fresh sample right there and especially for IVF you can not be in the room with him and you will be having your retrieval done when he has to give his sample. I sugguest your DH and you sit down and really discuss this....DH had to do quite a few SA's and trust me he had the easy part compared to what I had to go through

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed)

Posted by jacquig

Actually I am a born-again christian and so is alot of my family and I have never heard of masturbation being wrong especially if it's being done to procreate.

However there are condoms that they make where you can collect the semen at home or with your husband and then bring it in to the lab. However if you are going to do IUI or IVF he will most likely have to give a fresh sample right there and especially for IVF you can not be in the room with him and you will be having your retrieval done when he has to give his sample. I sugguest your DH and you sit down and really discuss this....DH had to do quite a few SA's and trust me he had the easy part compared to what I had to go through

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed)

Thanks everyone... he's not your "average" born again Christian (and don't take that defensively please). He reads the Bible constantly and prays for like 1/2 hour every night (in a room alone b/c I won't pray out loud with him).
I asked him again last night and was hysterical crying and he said he'd have to pray about it- but that maybe the condoms would be the way to go.
It's something about "spilling seed" and that it's against Gods will for us to have sex w/o the intenton of procreating... I explained to him that we know that I have a condition (which by the way he believes that if I "come to God" and if I prayed to God - he could fix for me... too bad it hasn't worked already! ) and that we're doing it with the intention of procreating--- just not at that precise moment. I also went on to explain to him that my beliefs of God are different than his in that I believe that God put drs here to help us and DH believes that drs are trying to become God (which in some cases I can't say I argue--- especially w/ cloning./.. but thats a completely different topic).
I've gone with him to his church a couple of times (I'm a Catholic and not a very active one at that) but I disconnect when I get in there- there are too many people talking all at once and claiming that they're filled with the Holy Spirit--- which is fine if they feel that they are but I'm not used to it.
For those of you who are born again (and those who aren't)- do you know any areas in the Bible that have verses that I could use to portray to him that this isn't an evil act he'd be doing? Unfortunately it seems like the only way to get thru to him about this. I'm going to talk to a couple of people from his church (Females) over the next couple of weeks and see if any of them have gone thru this with their DHs. Wish me luck everyone... this is one rough road...

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

Unfortunately, no.
You would think so and I would think so but he doesn't according to how he's reading the bible...

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

Good luck!

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

oh boy, this is a tough one...i feel the same way you do about god giving us dr's and all...will they move on without testing his urine....I know this is gonna souns soo gross, but what about you collecting it after??? u know how it come out, do u need a lot?? Im sorry to be gross but it might work?

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

Maybe he should know that my friends husband had to have his sperm removed with a needle for private reasons. He said it was excrutiating-that may change his mind

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

Wow. I am sorry you are going through this. I also suggest talking to your doctor and seeing what other options are out there. That would be great if you can take care of it at home.

Good luck to you!

Message edited 4/25/2007 11:53:40 AM.

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

Just wanted to give you some

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

Posted by MrsMessina

Thanks everyone... he's not your "average" born again Christian (and don't take that defensively please). He reads the Bible constantly and prays for like 1/2 hour every night (in a room alone b/c I won't pray out loud with him).
I asked him again last night and was hysterical crying and he said he'd have to pray about it- but that maybe the condoms would be the way to go.
It's something about "spilling seed" and that it's against Gods will for us to have sex w/o the intenton of procreating... I explained to him that we know that I have a condition (which by the way he believes that if I "come to God" and if I prayed to God - he could fix for me... too bad it hasn't worked already! ) and that we're doing it with the intention of procreating--- just not at that precise moment. I also went on to explain to him that my beliefs of God are different than his in that I believe that God put drs here to help us and DH believes that drs are trying to become God (which in some cases I can't say I argue--- especially w/ cloning./.. but thats a completely different topic).
I've gone with him to his church a couple of times (I'm a Catholic and not a very active one at that) but I disconnect when I get in there- there are too many people talking all at once and claiming that they're filled with the Holy Spirit--- which is fine if they feel that they are but I'm not used to it.
For those of you who are born again (and those who aren't)- do you know any areas in the Bible that have verses that I could use to portray to him that this isn't an evil act he'd be doing? Unfortunately it seems like the only way to get thru to him about this. I'm going to talk to a couple of people from his church (Females) over the next couple of weeks and see if any of them have gone thru this with their DHs. Wish me luck everyone... this is one rough road...

Message edited 4/25/2007 12:10:27 PM.

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

Check out this website to see about passages in the Bible about masturbation...

Bible Gateway


HTH

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

I do hope that you have had, or will have, a discussion about whether he believes in the various forms of assisted reproduction.

And if a doctor says that there is no way in the world that you will get pregnant on your own, does he have to stop having intercourse with you, because it won't be for procreation?

At some point, there has to be some flexibility with the rules and if he speaks to a clergy member he may even find that to be the case. I would encourage him to speak to a clergy member.

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

Thanks everyone, I wish I could relate to him better about this but I can't. He became born again after we were married- and i t's been a really difficult thing for me to deal with...
I think I'm going to try to use the biblical verse quoted above because when we were going thru a rough patch after he was born again, I wanted nothing to do with him physically. It was like being with a stranger and I had him sleeping in another room. He actually tried to use this very verse on me telling me that it was my "wifely duty to be intimate with my husband"... to which I answered that if I wasn't connected with you emotionally that I wouldn't be connected with you physically... so maybe this will work- although I'm sure he's going to tell me that his body is Gods b/c he always tells me how our bodies are temples... maybe I can just knock him out and get what I need Ahh, wishful thinking....

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

He would tell me that the dr. isn't God and that if God wanted us to have children that it's possible... so he'd never believe a dr that said I couldn't get pregnant- if it ever came to that...

Posted by ssdbk

And if a doctor says that there is no way in the world that you will get pregnant on your own, does he have to stop having intercourse with you, because it won't be for procreation?

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

I think that you should both go and speak to a clergy member for counseling together. I dont think that you will have much luck convincing him that this is okay no matter how many passages you quote from the bible. I think he needs to hear it straight from a man of God. And if the clergyperson agrees with him - you may want to consider your options.....

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. My husband had to go through a semen analysis last week. The urologist told him to take the cup home and have sex with me and bring it back within an hour. It was very simple! It took my husband a lot to go there, but it turned out that he didn't have to masturbate. I hope this helps! Good Luck!

Re: Semen testing... (sort of detailed) - updated at bottom of page

As a born again christian I'd like to share a "women" perspective on this. I work in ob/gyn so when over 10 months ago we tried to get pregnant, I thought "I" had it under control. During this period I have struggled asking God why me? I must say that God as shown me that he is a loving God and reminded me that his timing is perfect even though we may not think it is.

It is hard for anyone one of us to give you the magically verse that will convince your husband. Everyone can read a verse differently, it's how the Lord speaks to our hearts. I would speak to the pastor or the church elders. They may guide you both how to handle this situation. I also believe in the power of prayer so they we be praying for you.

My hsuband has not recieved Christ as his savior, but I am grateful that he has been supportive of me and tries to understand my belief.

I pray that your marriage and faith is stengthen