Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

Well things have gotten slightly better at daycare however my nights are terrible- I cant do anything without him attached at my hip... (I attempted to run out and pick up pizza last night- and leave him with DH- it was a disaster!)

This morning he was up at 4am crying "no momma vroom vroom"- Today he is with my MIL- he has never ever had a hard time going there- and sure enough the tears and fit that was thrown when I went to kiss him goodbye literally it's breaking my heart....

Emotionally I dont think I can do this- Im at the point of giving up on the dreams of every owning a home- just so I can be home with my little guy....

I laid in bed this morning, praying- begging God that I could just see an inch of improvement-

I really am enjoying the job- but I dont think its worth all this

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

I am sorry for you and your little guy! I think its probably a separation anxiety issue and most likely it will get better!

I know that even though Noah loves nursery and he is really happy there, he is attached to my hip come evening time.

I hope it getst better!!!

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

I am sorry you are going through this. It may be seperation anxiety. Hopefully it will pass.

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

don't give up..it is the age and it is probably seperation anxiety....

This is probably the first time he has been seperated from you with people other than your family... He smart enough to know that momma isn't there. So when you leave, give him a kiss and tellhim you will be back soon... They don't know the concept of time..

It is an big adjustment and I am sure sooner than later he will be fine..

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

Don't give up....this will pass he will get adjusted, it is hard now but the payoff will be worth it.

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

It's definitely separation anxiety - moving from staying at home with mommy to daycare is a BIG step and takes some time to adjust. To this day, Alex will still get upset when I leave her - I've found that NOT making a big production out of leaving helps. I walk over, tell her, ok, mommy is going to work now, I'll come pick you up after your nap, give her a kiss, wave bye-bye and leave.

Try to remember, too, it's hard, absolutely, but you shouldn't give up on your dreams. No matter what, you're both going to have to go through this transition at some point - whether it's right now, or when he goes to kindergarten. Personally, I think it's in his best interests, socially, to adapt now, rather than on that first day of kindergarten, when it will be that much more traumatic for him.

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

I know it might upset your MIL, but would it be easier on RJ to go to work with you every day? Maybe this schedule is too confusing for him to get used to?

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

Hoping things get better

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

Sorry it's so tough, I think it's partially the age, separation anxiety is really big at this age, and any changes magnify the situation. I think he needs a little more time to adjust, but you need to stick it out a little longer. I know it must be rough, especially when you are getting ready to leave and he starts crying, you don't want to feel that guilt all day. Try to remind yourself that 20 min after you drop him off he's probably having a blast (that helped me when my dd was at her worst with separation anxiety). As far as him being clingy at night, I know that's hard to deal with, but I think as he feels more comfortable with the drop-offs they'll diminish.

If you love your job, it's definitely worth it to stick with it!

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

Posted by Bxgell2

It's definitely separation anxiety - moving from staying at home with mommy to daycare is a BIG step and takes some time to adjust. To this day, Alex will still get upset when I leave her - I've found that NOT making a big production out of leaving helps. I walk over, tell her, ok, mommy is going to work now, I'll come pick you up after your nap, give her a kiss, wave bye-bye and leave.

Try to remember, too, it's hard, absolutely, but you shouldn't give up on your dreams. No matter what, you're both going to have to go through this transition at some point - whether it's right now, or when he goes to kindergarten. Personally, I think it's in his best interests, socially, to adapt now, rather than on that first day of kindergarten, when it will be that much more traumatic for him.

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

He will be fine Marissa, don;t give in. My daughter was 5 and cried every time I dropped her off at school for the entire 1st month, it was hrrible, but she eventually got over it. The teachers would grab her from me and tell me to go and not make a big deal over it, although it was tough for me, I realized they were the experts in this area and I trusted them, and they were RIGHT!! At the end of the year she sobbed when she realized there would be no school for the summer.
Let me ask you this, are you questioning how Ryann is being treated, or is this a seperation issue for him> Hang in there

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

I hope it gets better soon. I agree with the previous posters and it probably is an age thing. And I agree with Beth that it's better to do it now. Someday he'll be much more independent because of this.

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

Awww, Marissa I feel so bad! What if you don't say buy to him and just walk out the door (with out him seeing you) when he is playing with your MIL? I have to do that sometimes with Julia cause she will get upset to see me leave and will cry by the window, and it brakes my heart!

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

Honestly Marissa I think it could be a phase really that has nothing to do with work. I've gone through it with Miranda and nothing in our life has changed at all. I think she's just older and more aware of when I leave and come home. If she's awake when I leave for work now she cries for me. It breaks my heart but I have to go to work. I always talk to her and tell her how much I love her before I leave her anywhere if she's upset and tell her that I will be back soon and will see her then.
I think for RJ's sake you just have to work through this as hard as it is on you. As much as you love and adore him your life has to go on and he has to understand that if you leave you always come back for him. It may take time but he will get used to it. He might be like Miranda and always cry no matter what but eventually he will stop sooner and sooner.
I think they are definitely at the age where they know a certain action produces a particular response in us. For example Miranda knows if she asks for food and says eat when we put her to bed we will take her out and bring her downstairs for a snack. Well we've stopped that because we realize what she was doing (half the time she wouldn't eat anything). She cries for less than 30 seconds now and lays down and goes right to sleep.
I know it's so hard but hang in there it will get better.

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

Posted by emilain

He will be fine Marissa, don;t give in. My daughter was 5 and cried every time I dropped her off at school for the entire 1st month, it was hrrible, but she eventually got over it. The teachers would grab her from me and tell me to go and not make a big deal over it, although it was tough for me, I realized they were the experts in this area and I trusted them, and they were RIGHT!! At the end of the year she sobbed when she realized there would be no school for the summer.
Let me ask you this, are you questioning how Ryann is being treated, or is this a seperation issue for him> Hang in there

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

You didn't "lose" him - this is just a phase he's going thru - it will pass - it may take a little longer but I promise you, he will adjust.
Don't give in and give up your dreams form something that is temporary!

Hang in there - I know this is extremely hard on you -

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

I think it will pass eventually.

My little sister used to cry evry single day when my mom dropped her off. She cried from preschool all the way to 2nd grade! But, now, even she laughs about it.

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

I am a SAHM mom but everytime I have to run errands and stuff my mom, who lives next door, always watches him for me. It doesn't even phase him that I leave. The problem is that my mom is the one who can't leave...LOL He sees her everyday cuz a lot of his big toys are there and stuff. So he plays in her basement all the time. Let me tell you my mother cannot even go to the bathroom! She can't do nothing when he is there. He flips out if he doesn't see her. He will cry so hard that within seconds his face is all wet from his tears, completely soaked. When we eat at my mom's he won't leave her alone, he whines and cries for her to pick him up. He won't come to me or DH cuz he knows we won't let him get away with it. He knows my mom is the push over. We told her a million times don't pick him everytime he whines. But she always says we are mean to let him cry and would pick him up and now this is what she has a clingy grandson.

DS used to do that with me whenever we are home. He would whine and act like he was crying but he really wasn't because he didn't have any tears so I knew it was the "fake cry" I knew he was fine and ignored him and did what I had to do around the house. Sure enough he would stop after 5 minutes and when he saw I wasn't giving in he went and stalked the cat...

Message edited 7/11/2007 5:57:39 PM.

Re: Seriously- getting ready to throw in the towel...

Posted by Bxgell2

It's definitely separation anxiety - moving from staying at home with mommy to daycare is a BIG step and takes some time to adjust. To this day, Alex will still get upset when I leave her - I've found that NOT making a big production out of leaving helps. I walk over, tell her, ok, mommy is going to work now, I'll come pick you up after your nap, give her a kiss, wave bye-bye and leave.

Try to remember, too, it's hard, absolutely, but you shouldn't give up on your dreams. No matter what, you're both going to have to go through this transition at some point - whether it's right now, or when he goes to kindergarten. Personally, I think it's in his best interests, socially, to adapt now, rather than on that first day of kindergarten, when it will be that much more traumatic for him.