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Mommy-2008
LIF Infant
Member since 4/08 62 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Should People Get 2nd Chances?
I just want to know if 2nd chances should be given to a person who has tried everything in their power to fix the mistake.
I will give my situation for an example: My boyfriend and I were dating for 7 months at the time and I had recently found out I was pregnant. We were arguing almost everyday about nonsense and and it seemed to be tearing us apart. Anyways, one day we got into a really heated discussion and I hit him! I went "crazy" on him! I had such rage and anger inside of me.
Well, it's been 5 months since he broke up with me and he still loves me and he says I still have his heart. He said he's really scared to give me a 2nd chance because I was the only girl he ever gave his heart to. We have a baby boy due in 6 weeks and I really want us to be a happy family the way we planned. I have tried everything to fix my wrongs. Needless to say I have become a new person for myself and my son. I realized I needed to change. He sees that I'm not the "old" me anymore but he's still stuck in the past. I just want to know if in "this situation" do you think I deserve a 2nd chance???
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Posted 4/27/08 11:57 AM  |
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evnme
My little lamb
Member since 8/05 12633 total posts
Name:
aka momma2b
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
it seems like you are very sorry for what happened and are very aware of what you want and what you need.
have to gone to a therapist or anger management classes?
if you want him back, you really need to show him you have changed and i think it might be best to have an unbiased person in the room to moderate the conversation- like going for couple's therapy.
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| Posted 4/27/08 12:07 PM |
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ArmyOfBabies
Growing older but not up
Member since 7/07 4427 total posts
Name:
Jeri
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
Posted by evnme
it seems like you are very sorry for what happened and are very aware of what you want and what you need.
have to gone to a therapist or anger management classes?
if you want him back, you really need to show him you have changed and i think it might be best to have an unbiased person in the room to moderate the conversation- like going for couple's therapy.
I agree!
DH said some things to me that weren't very nice when I found out I was pregnant (we were only dating then) and when he finally had time to think about it, he apologized and I gave him another chance. I'm glad I did, I almost pushed him out of mine and DD's life for the way he treated me. I can't imagine life without him or without being married to him.
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| Posted 4/27/08 12:13 PM |
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Epeebes
Easy Peasy!
Member since 11/07 1428 total posts
Name:
Epeebes
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
2nd chances come out of gaining knowledge about what you did was wrong the 1st time.
If you can and have changed then a 2nd chance is in order. Of course the other person has to understand and see this.
I think people deserve 2nd chances if they have tried to right their wrongs or truly regret what they may have done.
Its all about forgiving and forgetting, a lot of people have a hard time forgetting and hold grudges.
Hopefully things work out, because I know your situtation sister.
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| Posted 4/27/08 12:24 PM |
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islandersgirl74
Love Being A Mommy!
Member since 6/06 5804 total posts
Name:
Michelle
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
I do think in a sense that yes everyone does deserve a second chance. It does seem like you are very sorry for what you did. I also think whenever something physical happens, (as you said you hit him) it is harder to forgive and its understandable why he would be cautious. I would talk it out and definitly talk to a therapist together. Especially with a baby coming into the picture, you want to both be able to handle situations reasonably.
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| Posted 4/27/08 12:37 PM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
I think if you don't give it a second chance, then you will always be thinking "what if?". I say go for it.
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| Posted 4/27/08 1:22 PM |
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Jackie24
~We Did it~
Member since 7/06 6718 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
i think 2nd chances should be given, however i know that when the person who gives the 2nd chance is always second guessing themselves and the person....good luck
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| Posted 4/27/08 1:32 PM |
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PegaLega
Lets Get This!!!!!
Member since 1/07 1110 total posts
Name:
Peggie
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
I think they should be given in certain circumstances-obviously in yours you have changed and see where you went wrong. i think that you should give it a shot otherwise there will always be that through of "what if" like a PP said
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| Posted 4/27/08 1:57 PM |
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LBG30
:)
Member since 9/05 3423 total posts
Name:
Noelle
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
Posted by BJandDan
I think if you don't give it a second chance, then you will always be thinking "what if?". I say go for it.
ITA! I would hate always thinking "what If"..it would drive me crazy!
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| Posted 4/27/08 3:07 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
I don't know if you deserve a 2nd chance. I think if it was a woman posting that her BF hit her, and should she give him a second chance because he seems apologetic, the responses would be different.
If he is physically afraid of you or your temper (not that he couldn't fight back, but you know what I mean), I am not sure that he will be able to forgive you and forget what you did to him.
If DH ever hit me while we were dating, I would dump him and never look back, no matter what feelings I still felt for him.
There are a few things that I would never forgive or give second chances about, and one is actual physical violence towards me and another is cheating.
Message edited 4/27/2008 3:19:16 PM.
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| Posted 4/27/08 3:12 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
Posted by LBG30
Posted by BJandDan
I think if you don't give it a second chance, then you will always be thinking "what if?". I say go for it.
ITA! I would hate always thinking "what If"..it would drive me crazy!
I think though the question is whether he should give her a second chance, not if she should go for it. It seems like getting back together is something she definitely wants, but he is unsure about.
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| Posted 4/27/08 3:23 PM |
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Mommy-2008
LIF Infant
Member since 4/08 62 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
Posted by nov04libride
I don't know if you deserve a 2nd chance. I think if it was a woman posting that her BF hit her, and should she give him a second chance because he seems apologetic, the responses would be different.
If he is physically afraid of you or your temper (not that he couldn't fight back, but you know what I mean), I am not sure that he will be able to forgive you and forget what you did to him.
If DH ever hit me while we were dating, I would dump him and never look back, no matter what feelings I still felt for him.
There are a few things that I would never forgive or give second chances about, and one is actual physical violence towards me and another is cheating.
My BF never hit me. But if he did tell me how it would be different? Also, you seem to have missed we have a baby on the way. I think no matter what issues the couple had they should try and work things out for the child's sake. At least "try". So then when the child grows up and asks what happened. Then both parents can say we did try but it just didn't work out.
And he has forgiven me. He forgave me a month later, but he hasn't forgotten and that's ok by me. I'm not expecting him to just move on like nothing ever happened. I know I hurt him. He's only afraid to give me a 2nd chance because he feels it will happen again. And when he say I "hurt" him he's talking about I hurt his feelings, his emotions, I broke his heart. We were in love and when someone does that to you you're afraid of getting your heart broken again. I have been in his exact position before so I can relate. I just don't understand if I'm aware of what I did and have taken necessary steps to eliminate it from happening again, then why wouldn't I deserve a 2nd chance?
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| Posted 4/27/08 3:40 PM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
Posted by Mommy-2008
My BF never hit me. But if he did tell me how it would be different? Also, you seem to have missed we have a baby on the way. I think no matter what issues the couple had they should try and work things out for the child's sake. At least "try". So then when the child grows up and asks what happened. Then both parents can say we did try but it just didn't work out.
And he has forgiven me. He forgave me a month later, but he hasn't forgotten and that's ok by me. I'm not expecting him to just move on like nothing ever happened. I know I hurt him. He's only afraid to give me a 2nd chance because he feels it will happen again. And when he say I "hurt" him he's talking about I hurt his feelings, his emotions, I broke his heart. We were in love and when someone does that to you you're afraid of getting your heart broken again. I have been in his exact position before so I can relate. I just don't understand if I'm aware of what I did and have taken necessary steps to eliminate it from happening again, then why wouldn't I deserve a 2nd chance?
I'm saying that it isn't different than if you were a man hitting a woman, and when women on here have posted that their BF or DH hit them, everyone agreed that they should leave immediately.
I do understand that you have a baby on the way, but he may (MAY) feel that he did try and gave it his all, only to be abused by you. I do believe in making every effort to give children an environment with both parents, but if you wouldn't have stayed together without the baby, maybe it's not meant to be. Sometimes things can't be forced, even if for the sake of the child.
What steps have you taken to deal with your anger? You didn't mention counseling, but maybe he would be more convinced if you sought counseling, perhaps together.
Again, you asked for opinions, and to be frank if I had a BF that hit me I would leave immediately and never give him another chance, regardless of whether he felt bad about what he did and apologized. Sometimes feeling bad and remorseful just isn't enough.
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| Posted 4/27/08 3:49 PM |
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Mommy-2008
LIF Infant
Member since 4/08 62 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
Posted by nov04libride
Posted by Mommy-2008
My BF never hit me. But if he did tell me how it would be different? Also, you seem to have missed we have a baby on the way. I think no matter what issues the couple had they should try and work things out for the child's sake. At least "try". So then when the child grows up and asks what happened. Then both parents can say we did try but it just didn't work out.
And he has forgiven me. He forgave me a month later, but he hasn't forgotten and that's ok by me. I'm not expecting him to just move on like nothing ever happened. I know I hurt him. He's only afraid to give me a 2nd chance because he feels it will happen again. And when he say I "hurt" him he's talking about I hurt his feelings, his emotions, I broke his heart. We were in love and when someone does that to you you're afraid of getting your heart broken again. I have been in his exact position before so I can relate. I just don't understand if I'm aware of what I did and have taken necessary steps to eliminate it from happening again, then why wouldn't I deserve a 2nd chance?
I'm saying that it isn't different than if you were a man hitting a woman, and when women on here have posted that their BF or DH hit them, everyone agreed that they should leave immediately.
I do understand that you have a baby on the way, but he may (MAY) feel that he did try and gave it his all, only to be abused by you. I do believe in making every effort to give children an environment with both parents, but if you wouldn't have stayed together without the baby, maybe it's not meant to be. Sometimes things can't be forced, even if for the sake of the child.
What steps have you taken to deal with your anger? You didn't mention counseling, but maybe he would be more convinced if you sought counseling, perhaps together.
Again, you asked for opinions, and to be frank if I had a BF that hit me I would leave immediately and never give him another chance, regardless of whether he felt bad about what he did and apologized. Sometimes feeling bad and remorseful just isn't enough.
I do appreciate your opinion and I thank you for being honest. In many cases, people will leave if they are abused. Whether, it's physically, verbally, or mentally. What we had was good. I lashed out on him "one" time. And like you said an apology and feeling bad about it isn't enough proof to make a person feel secure with getting back into the relationship.
I have gone to counseling, I thought I mentioned that. I asked if he would come with me and he said no. I have been to 3 anger management classes and its helped me a lot. He knows all this information. I have provided proof that I've changed and he knows how sincere and genuine I am.
And oh no, I would NEVER try to force something. It's never good to do that. Things do work out if you do. I'm letting things go with the flow for now. I'm just getting a little worried because it's been 5 months and he's still unsure about what he wants. Are son is due in 6 weeks or less and I'm getting worried he won't make up his mind in time for the delivery. I let him have his space and think about what's important. And to me it's not even about "us" it's more about our son and how I want him to have both mommy and daddy there. I think that's the part that saddens me the most. 
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| Posted 4/27/08 4:09 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
Posted by nov04libride
Posted by Mommy-2008
My BF never hit me. But if he did tell me how it would be different? Also, you seem to have missed we have a baby on the way. I think no matter what issues the couple had they should try and work things out for the child's sake. At least "try". So then when the child grows up and asks what happened. Then both parents can say we did try but it just didn't work out.
And he has forgiven me. He forgave me a month later, but he hasn't forgotten and that's ok by me. I'm not expecting him to just move on like nothing ever happened. I know I hurt him. He's only afraid to give me a 2nd chance because he feels it will happen again. And when he say I "hurt" him he's talking about I hurt his feelings, his emotions, I broke his heart. We were in love and when someone does that to you you're afraid of getting your heart broken again. I have been in his exact position before so I can relate. I just don't understand if I'm aware of what I did and have taken necessary steps to eliminate it from happening again, then why wouldn't I deserve a 2nd chance?
I'm saying that it isn't different than if you were a man hitting a woman, and when women on here have posted that their BF or DH hit them, everyone agreed that they should leave immediately.
I do understand that you have a baby on the way, but he may (MAY) feel that he did try and gave it his all, only to be abused by you. I do believe in making every effort to give children an environment with both parents, but if you wouldn't have stayed together without the baby, maybe it's not meant to be. Sometimes things can't be forced, even if for the sake of the child.
What steps have you taken to deal with your anger? You didn't mention counseling, but maybe he would be more convinced if you sought counseling, perhaps together.
Again, you asked for opinions, and to be frank if I had a BF that hit me I would leave immediately and never give him another chance, regardless of whether he felt bad about what he did and apologized. Sometimes feeling bad and remorseful just isn't enough.
I agree.
I also believe that people don't just change overnight. I don't know "went crazy on him" entails, but if it was repeated hitting, punching, I'd say there is more to look at. The "old you" was you five months ago. What did you do to get to the "new you"? Did you speak to a therapist? Did you go to anger management classes? Just being sorry for hitting him doesn't make it a "new you".
Personally I can't chalk rage & anger inside up to a hormonal pregnant women. You either have it in you to strike someone repeatedly or you don't.
Having a baby together doesn't mean either of you should tolerate unacceptable behavior. You were together 7 months before you accidentally got pregnant. My concern would be - if this is what happens at 7 months into a relationship, what happens after a few years?
Not saying he should dump you...what I am saying is I think more soul searching & some serious introspection with someone who has experience with this is warranted on both of your ends. If you think it's stressful being pregnant, just wait until you're sleep deprived & have the responsibility of taking care of a screaming, demanding newborn. I say get your sh1t together now for your child's sake. That's what "working it out for the child's sake" means to me. Not staying in a relationship where you are fearful.
eta. just read your post about the therapy & anger management.  to you for getting help.
Message edited 4/27/2008 4:22:22 PM.
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| Posted 4/27/08 4:21 PM |
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My4GirlsMyLife
My 4 girlies
Member since 2/08 9702 total posts
Name:
Valerie
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
Posted by islandersgirl74
I do think in a sense that yes everyone does deserve a second chance. It does seem like you are very sorry for what you did. I also think whenever something physical happens, (as you said you hit him) it is harder to forgive and its understandable why he would be cautious. I would talk it out and definitly talk to a therapist together. Especially with a baby coming into the picture, you want to both be able to handle situations reasonably.
I also agree !
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| Posted 4/27/08 5:30 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Should People Get 2nd Chances?
I'm a freak. I give everyone second chances. And third chances. And fourth chances...
The only time I stop giving chances is when that person stops meaning it when they apologize.
But like I said - I'm a freak. I am prone to getting walked on. But in the end the more I give the bigger my heart gets. The risks - for me - are worth the rewards.
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| Posted 4/27/08 6:09 PM |
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