Sibling rivalry

I fully expected that Alex would demonstrate some jealousy and competition against Yael, but to my suprise, she has never, EVER expressed even an iota of jealousy, and has taken a very motherly role with Yael, which I adore.

The problem I'm encountering, though, is one I never would have expected, and that's with Yael. She is EXTRAORDINARLY jealous and competitive. She won't allow anyone, other babies, DH, or even Alex, come within one foot of me without engaging in a WW3 tantrum of all tantrums.

If Alex tries to hug her or touch her, Yael swats at her. If Alex tries to sit on my lap, Yael will pinch her or hit her.

Everytime she pinches, hits, etc, I put her down on the floor and walk away. But what can I do to foster a more supportive relationship between Alex and Yael so that Yael doesn't view Alex as competition? Any ideas? Alex takes it very personally when Yael fights with her, or swats her away, or won't accept a hug, and it hurts me so deeply to see Alex upset like that

Re: Sibling rivalry

first, your alex sounds like a sweetheart and a great big sister! that is wonderful! from all your posts, she also seems like a really smart cookie, so if you have a heart to heart with her, maybe she will understand? my guess is that yael is just being typical of her age. when my daughter was somewhere between 13 and 18 months, she learned that she could hit, bite and pinch and it would get a reaction. It was a phase. I had a new baby at that time, and though she never showed jealousy, she would pinch or bite the baby, as much as she would pinch or bite me, DH, anyone. It was rarely out of anger. When it wasnt out of anger, i didnt punish her, but would stop her and tell her no, calmly. i also did my best to pretend it didn't hurt (because she liked the reaction- she was learning cause and effect). She did get put in time out if she hit or bit in anger. she doesn't do it at all anymore. maybe if you tell alex this is a phase some babies go through, and it has nothing to do with her, she will understand?

Re: Sibling rivalry

Re: Sibling rivalry

My youngest was a bit like this- around 18-24 months I think? Can't remember the exact age....

DS is 16 months older than DD. He has NEVER shown any jealousy to her.

DD used to get VERY jealous and she went through stage where she hated when I snuggled DS, cried if I picked up another baby, etc. It was mostly about mommy's affection.

I think she just felt that she really had to "stake her claim" as a second child. I felt bad about it- why was she so insecure with me? I gave her SO much love and attention- but it has completely passed and she is now 2 1/2 and it is all gone and I can even hold other babies!

I am sure this a phase Yael is going through.....