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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
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So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
DH and his brother had a Huge blow up. Both of them said things that were nasty and mean although BIL went to a really low personal level.
Background--
DD was at their home sometime in the past and happened to find his "MOVIES" and magazines and she mentioned this to us also it appears he was discussing how he lost his virginity(he just turned 18 and has slept with more girls in a short space of time than I have fingers ) and I think DD overheard the conversations he has with his friends. DH got upset and confronted him about being more careful when DD is over there and it blew up cause BIL told him he's a MAN and other crap. No one i.e MIL could understand why DH was so upset.
So BIL says that he wont be around DD anymore since we feel he's not SAFE WTH we never said that-- just censor your crap--even though she may be in the other room--SHE HEARS even if he thinks she is not listening. Anyways MIL said that since BIL feels uncomfortable she will never come back to our house. She also said that DD is a liar that there are no such things in her house--Uhhh I have seen them cause FIL has a stash. And how dare you come out and call DD a liar. Any parent would be concerned--tell me if I am wrong
Also why is it so easy to say that she wouldnt visit her grandkids--if the argument is between DH and his brother Isnt a mother to be unbiased and her love unconditional for her kids..ALL of them. She should have never taken a side--cause now one feels embraced and the other feels abandoned....
sorry if this post doesnt make sense--I am pizzed right now
Message edited 1/29/2009 8:34:12 PM.
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Posted 1/29/09 8:25 PM  |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
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I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: So upset right now
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| Posted 1/29/09 8:32 PM |
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sunflowerjesss
Mommy to 3!
Member since 10/05 20369 total posts
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Jesss, duh.
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Re: So upset right now
I agree it is kind of wrong for your MIL to "pick" sides. But (and I'm not saying I agree) maybe she feels she needs to defend BIL because he is younger.
Sometimes it can get heated. I know you can never take something back once it's said, but maybe the dust will settle and your MIL will at least come to enough sense to still want to be a part of your DDs life.
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| Posted 1/29/09 8:34 PM |
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JChia
Mom of 2 Princesses
Member since 9/07 2540 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
thats a horrible situation. I don't understand why MIL would refuse to visit...
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| Posted 1/29/09 8:52 PM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
Posted by JChia
thats a horrible situation. I don't understand why MIL would refuse to visit...
I just dont understand and she said it again..as if she feels she is punishing DH.
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| Posted 1/29/09 9:54 PM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
Name:
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
Posted by sunflowerjesss
I agree it is kind of wrong for your MIL to "pick" sides. But (and I'm not saying I agree) maybe she feels she needs to defend BIL because he is younger.
Sometimes it can get heated. I know you can never take something back once it's said, but maybe the dust will settle and your MIL will at least come to enough sense to still want to be a part of your DDs life.
I know and I understand to an extent.
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| Posted 1/29/09 9:55 PM |
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imyself
Member since 10/06 2938 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
No offense but if this is the way they act, calling your dd a liar. I would be happy they don't want to visit. I would not want people like that around my child. I know its easier said then done but I would be royally ****** and would demand an apology before they are allowed to see or speak to dd again. 
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| Posted 1/29/09 9:57 PM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
Name:
Mama Cranky
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
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| Posted 1/29/09 9:59 PM |
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gottaluvmusik
Just the 4 of us
Member since 12/06 3554 total posts
Name:
Andrea
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
I am sorry but how dare she call your dd a liar. i would be beyond ******. also this has NOTHING to do with her. its not her battle it is theirs. She needs to mind her own business.
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| Posted 1/30/09 7:32 AM |
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sumlynmad
...bonds...
Member since 4/07 2080 total posts
Name:
Summer
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
id be pretty p-o-ed too.......id just wait it out and see if she comes around- they usually do....
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| Posted 1/30/09 7:36 AM |
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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
I'd have your DH go over there and pull out all the 'movies' and magazines and whatever else he can find and give it to his mom. And without saying a word, he should just walk out.
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| Posted 1/30/09 7:36 AM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
Name:
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
Posted by imyself
No offense but if this is the way they act, calling your dd a liar. I would be happy they don't want to visit. I would not want people like that around my child. I know its easier said then done but I would be royally ****** and would demand an apology before they are allowed to see or speak to dd again.
Thats what I told DH and he agreed. He said that if they dont come over he is NOT going to take the girls over unless there is an apology becasue DD is upset and doesnt feel comfortable--she said she was goign to throw away the toys her grandma gave her I told her no grandma still loves her but is just not acting like a grown up thats all.
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| Posted 1/30/09 9:38 AM |
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imyself
Member since 10/06 2938 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
Posted by sometimesmommy
Posted by imyself
No offense but if this is the way they act, calling your dd a liar. I would be happy they don't want to visit. I would not want people like that around my child. I know its easier said then done but I would be royally ****** and would demand an apology before they are allowed to see or speak to dd again.
Thats what I told DH and he agreed. He said that if they dont come over he is NOT going to take the girls over unless there is an apology becasue DD is upset and doesnt feel comfortable--she said she was goign to throw away the toys her grandma gave her I told her no grandma still loves her but is just not acting like a grown up thats all.
Your poor dd She is a child. They are taking part of her innocence. That is just wrong! Grandparents should love their grandchildren unconditionally. I am so sorry she has to go through this
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| Posted 1/30/09 9:49 AM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
If they think that your DD made this stuff up, where in the world would she hear these things from? Kids don't make things up about that kind of stuff.
It was wrong of MIL to take sides. She is being very naive. Your BIL needs to watch what he says around children.
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| Posted 1/30/09 9:53 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
It's highly inappropriate that BIL should be talking about his virginity, etc in front of your DD - and the fact that everyone is so quick to call her a liar would make me glad to have them out of my DD's life.
Way to make your grandchild feel safe & not make her feel that telling the truth caused a huge family rift. This isn't the message anyone should send a child...what if later it was something more serious, like molestation? ::realizing I just typed one of our biggest fear:: Your DD now feels like she can't go to her grandmother for fear of being called a liar? IMO, don't let the door hit you in the azz on the way out.
I'm livid for you & for your DD. I'm so glad she has your & DH's support.
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| Posted 1/30/09 9:58 AM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
Thanks ladies. I feel that even if this blows over that I will still be uncomfortable letting DDs go over there unattended by me or DH. She said BIL is uncomfortable, well DD is uncomfortable too cause she feels everyone is mad at her and I know I feel uncomfortable too for her and for the way I may act if BIL acts anyway less tahn welcoming...so I think we will stay away as planned.
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| Posted 1/30/09 11:37 AM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
Name:
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
Posted by nrthshgrl
It's highly inappropriate that BIL should be talking about his virginity, etc in front of your DD - and the fact that everyone is so quick to call her a liar would make me glad to have them out of my DD's life.
Way to make your grandchild feel safe & not make her feel that telling the truth caused a huge family rift. This isn't the message anyone should send a child...what if later it was something more serious, like molestation? ::realizing I just typed one of our biggest fear:: Your DD now feels like she can't go to her grandmother for fear of being called a liar? IMO, don't let the door hit you in the azz on the way out.
I'm livid for you & for your DD. I'm so glad she has your & DH's support.
OMG thats what I told DH--I dont want her to feel like if she tells the truth that instead of being rewarded she will be punished by others.
Message edited 1/30/2009 11:42:16 AM.
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| Posted 1/30/09 11:38 AM |
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2BEANS
wow time is going fast.
Member since 9/07 16106 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
wow.. how can a grandmother call her granddaughter a liar. Why would a child make up such a thing??
Dont have any advice but wanted to send"
I think I would have flipped out on my mil if she accused my dd of being a liar.
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| Posted 1/30/09 11:41 AM |
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sometimesmommy
Always in my heart.....
Member since 11/06 6686 total posts
Name:
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
Posted by BabySammie
wow.. how can a grandmother call her granddaughter a liar. Why would a child make up such a thing??
Dont have any advice but wanted to send"
I think I would have flipped out on my mil if she accused my dd of being a liar.
Oh I did but I let DH deliver it and I told him he better do it right cause if I do it--the family definitely WILL BE BROKEN!
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| Posted 1/30/09 11:43 AM |
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MatteosMom
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 1494 total posts
Name:
Carolyn
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
Posted by sometimesmommy
Thanks ladies. I feel that even if this blows over that I will still be uncomfortable letting DDs go over there unattended by me or DH. She said BIL is uncomfortable, well DD is uncomfortable too cause she feels everyone is mad at her and I know I feel uncomfortable too for her and for the way I may act if BIL acts anyway less tahn welcoming...so I think we will stay away as planned.
That is such ashame that your daughter feels like everyone is mad at her. I'm sorry that all happened.
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| Posted 1/30/09 11:48 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
Posted by nrthshgrl
It's highly inappropriate that BIL should be talking about his virginity, etc in front of your DD - and the fact that everyone is so quick to call her a liar would make me glad to have them out of my DD's life.
Way to make your grandchild feel safe & not make her feel that telling the truth caused a huge family rift. This isn't the message anyone should send a child...what if later it was something more serious, like molestation? ::realizing I just typed one of our biggest fear:: Your DD now feels like she can't go to her grandmother for fear of being called a liar? IMO, don't let the door hit you in the azz on the way out.
I'm livid for you & for your DD. I'm so glad she has your & DH's support.
ITA!
I would make sure you have a talk with DD about how she can tell you anything and you will always believe her. Tell her no matter what, if she feels uncomfortable, she should always tell you and you will always listen to her.
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| Posted 1/30/09 11:57 AM |
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eroxgirl
My Loves
Member since 5/05 15697 total posts
Name:
Rebecca
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
Oh no no no!! I would be FLIPPING. How DARE she call your DD a liar?? WTH kind of grandmother is she? I'm angry for you.
ITA with the person (waterspout?) who said you should go over and put the movies right in front of your MIL and just walk out.
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| Posted 1/30/09 12:00 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
I don't understand how this beacme a big dramatic fight and an issue w/ you DD and her Grandma ??? - Sounds to me like MIL stuck her nose where it totally did not belong and made the situation about HERSELF .....when it has nothing to do w/ her -
Wasn't this just about one brother asking another to do a better job of hiding his porno stash when his neice is @ the house ??
The doesn't seem like an unreasonable or unfair request - I would think it might be something that they'd laugh about later on .........I'm sure it was innocent and your BIL didn't deliberately talk loud enough for your DD to overhear, and maybe she was in his room when he didn't know or going through things she technically shouldn't have been ........regardless - It was an honest and innocent mistake - I don't see why BIL would blow up at your DH ??? It's not like he told him he was a disgusting pervert and he should throw everything away ........He just asked him to do a better job of hiding it from youur DD ...........
your MIL should be trying to talk down BIL rather than escalating a stupid argument. -
I agree w/ the others, someone that dramatic and crazy isn't worth the aggravation.
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| Posted 1/30/09 12:15 PM |
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kimmysticks
LIF Infant
Member since 1/09 272 total posts
Name:
Kim
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
Jeepers - I am sorry to hear you have to deal with this! I have to wonder how your MIL would feel about finding her husband's 'stash' since she's so convinced that stuff doesn't exist in her house!
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| Posted 1/30/09 1:58 PM |
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MrsGmomof3
...
Member since 6/08 3290 total posts
Name:
Irrelevant
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Re: So upset right now--Is MIL for real....
Posted by imyself
No offense but if this is the way they act, calling your dd a liar. I would be happy they don't want to visit. I would not want people like that around my child. I know its easier said then done but I would be royally ****** and would demand an apology before they are allowed to see or speak to dd again.
My thoughts exactly.
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| Posted 1/30/09 2:04 PM |
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