so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...Little Update.

Over and Over again is in a mental hospital. Her parents told her they are done with her. Gave her the last pics she will ever have of her kids and haven't talked to her since. Do you call.

This is the friend that was addicted to Heroin. She neglected her 2 children and her parents took them. She ran off with some guy and lived under bridges. He went to jail and her parents took her back.

She came to NY and stayed with me. When she got back to Vegas her parents found out she was popping pain pills. They kicked her out and hadent seen her since (this happened in June) Her parents got the call that she was going to kill her self and was checked into a hospital. She has been there for 30 days and is still there.


IT IS SO HARD FOR ME RIGHT NOW TO NOT CALL HER!

At first I was like good for her dad he told he basically we are done with you but now im like she is all alone and when she gets out all she has is the idiot who got her addicted to heroin in the first place.


UPDATE Just tried to call the hospital. Yes I gave in. They asked for the last name and code #. I gave the last name and said I don't have the code #. She said I can't let you talk to anyone with out their code #. She said the only way to get it is from the patient. WELL she doesn't have my # doesn't have $ and dosen't even know I tried to call so oh well... I guess I could send the letter but her sister wasn't positive she was in that hospital. I guess if she is not there it will be returned?


I could ask her family BUT Im not sure they know it. They gave up on her. And im actually embarrased to tell them I want to talk to her. It's like I let her walk all over me all the time.

Message edited 9/11/2007 9:43:55 PM.

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...

this is sooooo hard. i can't imagine what you are going through, but trust me when i say that when your friend gets clean and sober she will THANK YOU for not caving in and calling her and possibly becoming an enabler (which could be as simple as making that phone call and making her think it's ok to do what she does!!). good luck!!!

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...

first of all, this must be so hard for you so here are some

but the only thing I can tell you is go with your heart.

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...

if u don't want to call, write to her. she's all alone right now. i'm sure she woud love to get a letter from you

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...

Im like debating with myself..

I pick up the phone,put it down,pick it up,put it down,pick it up.....

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...

that is so hard is seeing a friend in a spiral and there is nothing you can really do but let them be.

You never know what state of mind she is in, maybe she is ready to change, maybe she isn't but you won't know if you don't call. It's obviously bothering you Juney so maybe you should Good luck if you do!

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...

If it were me, I would visit. I would give her phone numbers of places that can get her clean, sober, a job, etc. Tell her that if she is clean and sober for 6 months you will come back for another visit. Tell her you love her, it is too painful to see her like this and that you cannot be friends with her unless she is sober and stops this stuff.

Tell her the truth, she needs that more than anything now. I think it is GREAT thing that her parents and friends decided to stop enabling her.

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...

Posted by dandr10199



If it were me, I would visit. I would give her phone numbers of places that can get her clean, sober, a job, etc. Tell her that if she is clean and sober for 6 months you will come back for another visit. Tell her you love her, it is too painful to see her like this and that you cannot be friends with her unless she is sober and stops this stuff.

Tell her the truth, she needs that more than anything now. I think it is GREAT thing that her parents and friends decided to stop enabling her.

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...

I think I would write her a letter

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...

Posted by june262004

Posted by dandr10199



If it were me, I would visit. I would give her phone numbers of places that can get her clean, sober, a job, etc. Tell her that if she is clean and sober for 6 months you will come back for another visit. Tell her you love her, it is too painful to see her like this and that you cannot be friends with her unless she is sober and stops this stuff.

Tell her the truth, she needs that more than anything now. I think it is GREAT thing that her parents and friends decided to stop enabling her.

She lives in Vegas


And she is in the hospital. Im worried about when she gets out.

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...

I think you can call her, but the hardest part will be breaking it off again if you need to. I would let her know that you are there for her, but only if she is sober. As long as she is taking care of herself, going to rehab, working etc. You'll take late night calls about cravings but not late night calls if she actually picks up. You will not bail her out of jail, but you will call an ambulance if she needs one.. etc.

She may need you now, but she needs to know you dont accept her behaviors and will not be involved in them.

KWIM

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...

If you feel you need to express something to her I would say to write to her...calling woul be too hard on you....

Sounds like your friend has had many, many chances to turn herself around, don't beat yourself up

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...

I completley agree with writing to her. I had a close friend in rehab, and we wrote back and forth all the time. It also might help her when she writes back. Sometimes it's much easier to get all of your feelings out in writing. It will make her and you feel much better.

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...Little Update.

Bump

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...Little Update.

Maybe this was a sign that it would be best if she concentrates on getting better now...I am sorry Juney...I know how badly you wanted to talk to her

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...Little Update.

juney, you are a good friend...
your attempts show the depth of your love and compassion

Re: so you find out your best friend who has lied to you...Little Update.

I would call her family and see if they know - if not send the letter.
My sister was on drugs and alcohol for over 15 years and when she finally did clean up, she said the greatest thing was having her family support.
I'm sure your friend will feel the same way about your support.
If she is seriously trying to clean up, it will help so much to know that people care. But please, for your own preservation, try not to get upset if she goes back to the drugs. I know you had a really hard time earlier this year. It takes them a lot of tries to really get it together - but a mental institution may be the best thing for her.
I wish you both the best - you are a true friend and she needs all the prayers she can get.