Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

But I really cannot be pregnant again. And I keep reading over and over how important it is to give DC a sibling, I feel like I am doing Christopher a disservice by not having another baby

I always thought I'd have more kids, I'd love to have more kids. But I just can't do that to my family again!

It is really upsetting to me to read though

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

why can't you have more children if that is what you want? If that is too personal, I am sorry. Tell me to go scratch

for me, I want to give dd a sibling. That does not mean I think people with only one child are doing their family a disservice

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

If you love your child and do the best you can raising them, then you are never doing your DC a disservice. Giving your child a sibling is not the measure of a successful parent.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Posted by Mikismom

why can't you have more children if that is what you want? If that is too personal, I am sorry. Tell me to go scratch

for me, I want to give dd a sibling. That does not mean I think people with only one child are doing their family a disservice

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

I remember what you went through when we were all over on pregnancy...and I know first hand what a wonderful mom you are to that little boy...so your post breaks my heart.

Christopher will never be in want of anything in this lifetime so long as you are by his side. Siblings are wonderful - we both know first hand the relationships that come from that bond (the good and the bad) but Christopher will define himself with or without a sibling. He will be nothing short of amazing...mark my words.


Plus...he and Lucas can be wanna be bros!

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

You are not doing your child a disservice! No matter your reasons for not having another child, I am sure you will provide immense love and caring to your little one. Your child may not have a brother or sister to interact with but there are also cousins and neighbors and friends! It is more important that your child is well loved and cared for then having a sibling "just because".

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Kate - I am an only child and not once in my life did I ever think my parents did me a disservice by not having any other children.

I have an extremely tight family and my cousins are like my siblings. I grew up with family in my face all the time. Huge family trips every year, holidays with tons of people around. I never ever thought to myself "I wish my parents gave me a sibling" -- it was all I knew.

Also - the people who I consider to be like siblings to me - aren't blood related. They are my parents best friends children. You make your family - you don't have to be born into it.

And now, years later - I look at all the benefits of being an only child. I get unlimited babysitters without having to share them with anyone else. I get paid trips to Italy (bc they wouldn't be able to do all that they do if they had other children) --- Oh - but I also get ALL of my mothers paranoia - because she only has me to focus on - that part I could do without!

C3 has so much love from you, your family, and your friends, you don't need to give him another sibling. If it's not in the cards for you there is absolutely nothing in the world wrong with that!

Message edited 11/6/2008 2:10:59 PM.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

I don't think anyone is doing a disservice to a child by not having more children. As an only child, I obviously don't know what it's like to have a sibling.... maybe that's the point.

Sure I wanted a baby brother or sister when I was young, but as I grew up I realized that I liked having my mom and dad all to myself. Each of them came from large families and I think they enjoyed the one on one time each had with me and what we could do together as a small family. Time and attention is the greatest gift you can give to your child. You are a great mom and if you can't (or don't want to) "give" your child a sibling, you can give him your undivided time and attention.

On a side note, I have heard many people say they wanted several children in case something happened to them (the parents) the children would have each other. Although this maybe true, as a an only child who lost both parents VERY young, I can say that I have made good friends my brothers and sisters.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by Mikismom

why can't you have more children if that is what you want? If that is too personal, I am sorry. Tell me to go scratch

for me, I want to give dd a sibling. That does not mean I think people with only one child are doing their family a disservice

Steph, I had such a horrible pregnancy that I just can't do it again, I don't have it in me, I am not strong enough to do it and I can't do it to Christopher and DH again.

Donna posted recently about women who had hyperemsis who have PTSD and I am really starting to think I do, it has been 18 months and I shudder at the thought of living that again.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Having an only child is not necessarily doing a disservice to your DS!

There's no guaranty that they'd get along with their sibling anyway - in my family it's more likely that they won't.

Your DC gets the best of you and the most of you. My dad is like my best friend and I love not having to share him with another sibling. I have a friend whose son is an only child too and now that he's grown (21 years old) they have the CUTEST relationship ever. He has his life - school, work, his girlfriend - but he never hesitates to say hey ma, let's go for breakfast just you and me. Or to the movies. Or whatever...

The point is having an only child isn't a terrible thing. They learn to enjoy their own company and YOURS! There's nothing wrong with that.

Just don't let anyone call him a 'lonely' child. My SIL says that and I always want to punch her when I hear it.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Well, we are 4 kids. I only get along with the youngest and don't talk to my 2 sisters. One of them being 15 months apart.

So there goes the theory of close in age brings you closer and it's great to have siblings.

I know lots of only child moms or dads. They never felt they missed on anything. They had friends.

One of my sister is 11 years younger. I did play with her once in a while but she never relied on me and my other sister to play with her. There was too much of an age difference.

And while my other sister, who is on 15 months younger than me, and I played when we were kids but grew completely apart when we started JH and only grew further and further apart.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Thomas has two half-brothers (my step-sons), but they are much older (9 and almost 12). I almost certainly will not be having another child because that would give DH 4 kids, and that's a lot to manage financially and emotionally. We would be streteched too thin. It upsets me too reading how important it is to give your DC a sibling, and it is, but there are other great things to offer your child and your love and support are the most important things.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by Mikismom

why can't you have more children if that is what you want? If that is too personal, I am sorry. Tell me to go scratch

for me, I want to give dd a sibling. That does not mean I think people with only one child are doing their family a disservice

Steph, I had such a horrible pregnancy that I just can't do it again, I don't have it in me, I am not strong enough to do it and I can't do it to Christopher and DH again.

Donna posted recently about women who had hyperemsis who have PTSD and I am really starting to think I do, it has been 18 months and I shudder at the thought of living that again.

Message edited 11/6/2008 2:29:19 PM.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Is adopting an option?
I'm so sorry.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

I have a sister and beleive me, I don't even like her (LONG story) I really should have been an only child!

What about adoption?

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Is this something that you will definately get the second time around???

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Dont for one second think that you are doing Christopher a disservice by not "giving" him a sibling....He will grow up loved and well cared for.

But I feel the need to tell you that your pregnancy is still very fresh in your mind and you may very well have a change of heart further down the road. Please understand that I am saying this from experience....not just from whimsy.

My previous pregnancies were all horrible. Bed rest, pre term labor, etc etc etc....when I met DH we both said we were done having kids blah blah blah. I just could fathom ever being pregnant again after what I had gone through previously. But time had healed my memory a bit and I decided to give it one more shot....Im just so happy that I did.

Message edited 11/6/2008 2:41:59 PM.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Posted by Ang-Rich




I remember what you went through when we were all over on pregnancy...and I know first hand what a wonderful mom you are to that little boy...so your post breaks my heart.

Christopher will never be in want of anything in this lifetime so long as you are by his side. Siblings are wonderful - we both know first hand the relationships that come from that bond (the good and the bad) but Christopher will define himself with or without a sibling. He will be nothing short of amazing...mark my words.


Plus...he and Lucas can be wanna be bros!

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

First of all, try to remember that giving your child siblings is NEVER a guarantee that it will do them any good - I grew up with two older brothers, we were two years apart, each of us, and we all hate each other One I've all but written off and haven't spoken to in over a year. So it's a presumption to think that having siblings is a gift - a person can have just a fulfilling and happy life as a single child.

Second, if you really DO want other children, there are always other options you can consider

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Posted by Mikismom

Posted by KateDevine

Posted by Mikismom

why can't you have more children if that is what you want? If that is too personal, I am sorry. Tell me to go scratch

for me, I want to give dd a sibling. That does not mean I think people with only one child are doing their family a disservice

Steph, I had such a horrible pregnancy that I just can't do it again, I don't have it in me, I am not strong enough to do it and I can't do it to Christopher and DH again.

Donna posted recently about women who had hyperemsis who have PTSD and I am really starting to think I do, it has been 18 months and I shudder at the thought of living that again.

Sorry it was so tough for you.

Message edited 11/6/2008 3:23:28 PM.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

I am an only child. My parents wanted more children but my mother just couldn't have more. She was extremely sad that she couldn't have any more kids. Not then and not now, do I ever think my parent's disserviced me for not giving me a sibling. My parent's loved me. They put a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food in my mouth, etc. They serviced me in the best possible ways that they could and that's all anyone can ever ask for. And for that, I will always be more grateful to them then they will ever know. I am sure you are doing a wonderful job as well and that your son will not feel like you did a disservice to him! I am so sorry that you would like more kids but you can't have any.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Sweetie, there is no evidence that having a sibling makes a child happier or healthier. My SIL is only having one and she was an only child herself. She thinks I am nuts to have two. You should hang out with her

Oh, and she loved being pregnant- she just doesn't want more than one.

Re: Sort of another spinoff....It makes me sad I can't give DS a sibling

Like others said, "giving" DS a sibling is not the marker of a great parent. Loving, educating, attending to and spending time with however many children you do have it way more important. Also like others, I have brothers and a lot of the time I think life would have been so much easier if I was an only child (too much to go into). Siblings does not guarantee closeness and wonderful family holidays and all that other stuff that people think about when they think about family.

Anyone who decides to have only one child or for whom life makes that decision should never feel they are short changing their kid.